Milestone Celebrations

      A few weeks ago, my cousin got engaged, congratulations cuzmonious!

      As he told me the wondrous news I was so excited, I didn’t know what to say so I said what most people do, “When’s the wedding?”  He replied by telling me that he had planned the engagement for a few months and just wanted to breathe and savor having successfully posed the question and received a “yes” answer.

This little interlude is very telling of how most of us live life. We work hard and diligently and succeed at the milestones we set for ourselves. Do we savor the moment and all it took to get there? Do we relish our victory and share it for weeks to come? No we don’t. We are already focusing on the next milestone.

I believe this is a derivative of how pride is seen as a deadly sin. I’m sorry, but if you worked hard and reached a goal, you should be proud and celebrate and savor and share it for as long as you want to! I think where it’s a sin is when we let our ego get the best of us coming from insecurity.

One of the key things I do with coaching clients is have them celebrate and relish their achievements and really start celebrating more. Life is too long to only celebrate the “big” moments like weddings, graduations and new jobs.

I challenge you to celebrate a minor milestone and share and savor it all week.

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How to Get Market/Date Ready

Reader Question

This week, I thought I’d share a question I answered for one of our readers.

QUESTION: “I’m still upset/heartbroken over my past relationship(s). How (and when?) do I get “market-ready” to date?” JC

Frank: The simple answer JC, you’re ready when you are ready! What’s the rush anyway? That being said, everyone is different. You are ready when the idea of going out with someone new is very appealing. Too many people the fear being alone and then start dating coming from a lacking place. Anything coming from fear/lack is not a good perspective and will attract other fearful/lacking people.

When you’ve done some inner work towards getting to know and love yourself you will be ready. Many people don’t love (or even like) themselves and look to a relationship to fill up what they are missing. Two low self-esteem people do not a good couple make! Inadequate + inadequate = More inadequate! And they trigger each other’s unresolved “baggage” together making a mess.

When you become single after a relationship (never mind a heartbreaker!) you need time to get to know what the new (and improved), latest version of you likes and wants. Many people right out of a relationship feel rejected, dejected, unworthy (unworthiness is #21 on the ES). They feel less than complete and feel lost. A good way to soften is to look for all the gifts the relationship gave you, who YOU became because of it. You are VERY aware of what didn’t work, flip that around to what you do want. So, if you felt your last partner was “controlling”, you could say, “I’m looking for someone who values freedom (#1 on the ES) as I do.”

A certain amount of grieving must occur to process the emotions. Be gentle and enjoy exploring your “new” very different life. Reconnect to old and make new friends and hobbies/passions. Don’t look immediately for a partner as then the dreaded “rebound” relationships occur. Do the right thing and take some time to be curious about all that is possible. Most people look at what they lost instead of what they gained from their separation. When coming from lack you attract others in lack.

Good luck and please let us know how it goes!  

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Get Some Bugs in Your Teeth!

       As I drove my amazing and beautiful dog (Riplee) to the groomer yesterday, he did what he always does on any and ALL car rides. He gets all excited and sits next to the rear door window and puts his head out of the car as we zoom around city and highway. If you’ve seen the movie “Ted” my conversation with him below will seem similar…lol!

I had an imaginary conversation with him and thought it might give you some insight! Enjoy!

Frank: “Riplee why do you put your head outside the car while it’s moving?”

Riplee: “Woof!”then, “I love it because it feels like I’m flying! Also, I get to see the world zoom by! It’s really exhilarating and makes me feel alive and like when I was a pup!”

Frank: “But, isn’t it dangerous?”

Riplee: “Not really, I have good balance and only my head and neck are out. Besides even if it is the thrill is worth it! I’m also so excited because I know we are going somewhere and no matter where that is I will have a blast as people fawn all over me because I’m really cute!”

Frank:  “What about the wind, doesn’t dry your eyes?”

Riplee: “Yes, that’s why I pop into the car then put my head out of the sunroof to change things up!”

Frank:  “What about bugs hitting you?”

Riplee: “Couldn’t care less, it’s soooo fun to ride! People always point and smile at how much fun I’m having! I especially love the squealing little boys and girls, they don’t hold back and show their full appreciation!”

Frank:  “Wow, that sounds so fun, here, you drive, I want to try it too!!!!”

Riplee: “No way, sucker, YOU’RE MY DRIVER!”

Life is short, get some (metaphorical) bugs in your teeth this week, I double-dare you!

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Tips to Practice Abundant Thinking

From my upcoming book, “Live It! Your Courageously Authentic Life” (Available on presale in September):

1. Decide and commit immediately to start to think abundant thoughts then do it. Put a penny in a jar for every positive thought you have (a forced easy saving method, hint spend the savings on something nice like a trip!)

2. Actually count (and record/journal) your numerous blessings right now, and start being grateful (Appreciation is #1 on the ES) for all the amazing things, people and experiences in your life.

3. Stop thinking and talking about what you believe you DON’T have. Instead, focus on creating the circumstances that you do want. Develop your passion, interests, knowledge, and skills in areas that will help you achieve more.

4. Replace “could’ve”, “should’ve” and “would’ve” with “I want” or “I will soon have”. Begin visualizing and feeling what it will be like to have it (tell your mind the “How” and “WHEN” is not your responsibility).

5. Don’t feel guilty (Guilt, #21 on the ES) for wanting / desiring. It is your personal choice to strive for happiness for yourself and others.

6. You can want, but NEVER create specific expectations. Having expectations leads to disappointment. Be “committed” yet not “attached” to a particular result or outcome.

7. Create zero expectations of what you will receive. Do not automatically assume that you will receive anything. Just know that anything and everything is possible and invite that abundance into your life. Be abundant (generous) with your emotions  and time with others, be appreciative, passionate, free and loving.

8. Be mentally prepared (but not focused) on worst-case scenarios. Know that in the right emotional state you can and will handle anything and everything the world (recall, like an ocean) will throw at you and this easily. If you meet your goals, it will add to the happiness you already enjoy; if not, it doesn’t matter because you are happy with what you already have.

9. Eliminate thinking the world owes you a living and that you deserve to receive what you want. Everything you receive in life is a gift. The world doesn’t owe you anything, but its abundance is capable of giving you anything and everything you desire. Give more, expect less.

10. Remember the universe is fair, you must give to receive but NEVER give EXPECTING to receive.

11. Stop feeling cheated, and like a victim (Powerlessness, #22 on the ES). This is a scarcity perspective. Take control and responsibility of your life (and by extension) your own happiness.

12. Know that your past does not equal your future, and your current unfavorable situation does not have to last if you choose to make it better. You are not your condition or circumstances, but YOU ARE your thoughts. Take 100% responsibility that your past thoughts and choices have lead exactly to where you are. Once you do you will feel in control of (and love) your life (empowerment, #1 on the ES).

13. Accept and plan to make mistakes. PERFECTIONISM equals and leads to PARALYSIS. Don’t beat yourself up when you do; regard mistakes as moments on your learning curve that will help take you to new heights. Learn from them and move on. Our hardest knocks teach us our most important lessons in life. We learn many more lessons from our failures than our successes, ask any sports team!

14. Think of a physical reminder that will help you keep your thoughts on track. Every time you feel you are drifting back to thoughts of scarcity, perform your little physical action to realign yourself with abundance. You could click your fingers, snap a rubber band on your wrist, or simply join your thumb to your forefinger as people do in meditation.

15.  Develop a mantra that you repeat every morning and evening or whenever you need a boost. An example I use is, “Every day and every in way the universe gives me more than I need!” 

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