Question: “Why are/can relationships be so hard!?” Janice C.

 

Answer:  Firstly, thanks for the question Janice. The Universe can never buck your trend or vibration, so if you think they are hard, then the Universe will match that and give you “hard” relationships.

They are hard when we are unclear who we are, what we want and have limited courage and/or low standards for what we deserve. If we come from fear/insecurity (lack) we will attract that.

They can be hard when we are inauthentic (trying to be what we are not) and trying to please or impress another with our actions. The most important relationship is with ourselves and many people don’t have a good one there. Self criticism and low self esteem should be your number one enemies and they can be dealt with by beginning to monitor and notice your thoughts and language. Just saying, “Relationships are hard.”  Is a very scarcity-based perspective. Your subconscious says, “If they are hard, why would we even want one? We don’t” 

Without really liking yourself you go out meeting people that subconsciously feel like they “complete” you. If you don’t really like yourself and feel incomplete without a partner you attract another “incomplete” partner. Two “incompletes” don’t make a “complete”, they make both more incomplete as both partners are trying to “get” something they need internally (self love) from outside themselves. All this does is augment a chain of pain.

A person with strong personal preferences, clear standards of conduct, a strong sense of self that is being authentic manifests relationships easily and naturally as they are abundant. Relationships can be anything YOU create and want them to be, exciting, fun, etc.

This mindset lets us realize that we can never stand on our head in enough ways to ever please another person. Even if we do, we will lose their respect or attract abuse (victim-victimizer complex).
When we are clear about who we are and what we want, we naturally know what we need and gravitate to relationships and people we can get our needs met with. When this happens with both partners asking and getting their needs met, it is incredible how joyful, natural and passionate relationships become.

So look inside first, fill that up then watch your external (with another) relationships flourish. Otherwise it’s like trying to fill a bucket with a hole in it, no one can ever give you enough love to replace the love you don’t have for yourself.

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