How to Build Confidence and Destroy Fear

From an incredible book i’m reading called: “The Magic of Thinking Big” , here are 5 Powerful ideas to begin replacing fear with confidence.
1. Action dissipates fear: Isolate your fear and then take constructive action. Doing nothing (inaction) about a situation – strengthens fear and destroys confidence.
2. Make a Supreme Effort to put only Positive thoughts in your memory banks. Don’t let self deprecatory thoughts grow into mental monsters. Simply choose to refuse to recall unpleasant events and/or situations.

3. Put People in Proper Perspective: Remember people are much more alike than they are different.Get a balanced view of others, they are just human beings. Develop an understanding attitude. Many people will bark, but it’s a rare one who bites.

4. Practice doing what your conscience tells you is right. This prevents a poisonous guilt complex  from developing. Doing what is right is a very practical rule for success.
5. Make everything about you say, “I’m confident, really confident.” Practice these little tricks in your day to day activities. a) In all presentations: always take the front seat, you will be more engaged, b) always make confident eye contact, c) Walk faster, it looks more dynamic and you feel better (successful folks have a spring in their step), d) Speak up and be heard e) Smile big, teeth must show, when you smile your mood improves.
6. Invest in a great life coach such as myself. Book your Free sample session! Email me
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“The Black Door”

This week I thought a short story and analogy would best summarize the decisions most people make between fear and freedom, they choose fear and its tragic.

In a far-off land there once was a general that captured a spy. The spy was to be killed by firing squad for the crimes he committed against the country.

As the firing squad was ready to implement its deadly duty the general went to privately speak to the spy.

The general said to the spy, “You have 2 options, 1) you can be killed by the firing squad or 2) you can choose to go through the black door.”

The spy hemmed and hawwed in agony at this final bit of torture. But he was already resigned to his death and said to the general “I choose the firing squad”

The firing squad did it’s grim task and fired and kill the spy. The general’s aid came up to the general and said to him, “General, what was behind the black door?”

The general replied, “Behind the black door was freedom. You see most people are more afraid of the unknown than anything else. What is known even if it is horrible and deadly is often better than the unknown for most people”

We get so comfortable in our lives even if they are toxic and deadly and painful to us we often choose to stay with the unacceptable rather than the unknown.

Instead of making choices to be free how many black doors to freedom have you ignored or chosen not to look for?

How much smaller is your life because of it?

I dare you to choose the unknown, push yourself try different things get out of your comfort zone just because it’s comfortable doesn’t mean it’s right it’s just familiar. if you need my help as a Life Coach, reach out.

Your life will thank you.

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The “Happiness Trap”

I have re-purposed and added from the brilliant book, “Rascal: Making A Difference Becoming an Original Character” by Chris Brady. Many people mistakenly believe that life is about an individual’s happiness.

 


The biggest trap is believing that happiness can be obtained by direct pursuit. The route most people take to pursue happiness is the seeking of pleasure.  We somehow think that by gaining enough pleasure we will be happy. But the pursuit of pleasure is a con job. It ends in an endless spiral of the pursuit of MORE. This is because pleasure in and by itself is not fulfilling (it should be an earned reward). As each thrill is experienced, we automatically seek and desire a bigger thrill, a higher high. We become desensitized to the pleasure and seek/want stronger stimulation next time.

With the above critical fundamental in mind, it is easy to understand our modern epidemic of addictions to EVERYTHING. It seems there are addictions to anything and everything these days, from the traditional alcohol, drugs, gambling and promiscuity to the more subtle but as destructive addictions to TV, media, shopping, coffee, social media, sloth, etc. At the root of everything is the same empty pursuit of pleasure and more pleasure (for it’s numbing qualities).


The other side is just empty. Many chase peace and tranquility in the hopes happiness will be found there. Alas this chase is just as empty! Why? In the land of peace and tranquility lies the disease of boredom. Idleness begets shallowness robbing us of confidence, courage, contribution and direction. A well earned vacation is a good thing however.
Happiness is always and only the byproduct of right and purposeful living in accordance with values that serve others and make a difference.

The previous information married with my new compensated community business building has helped me greatly focus my life in the pursuit of servant leadership to change others’ lives via life coaching. The side benefit has been a remarkable decrease in pleasure seeking behavior for its own sake. I highly recommend it. Drop me a line or email if you want to chat!

What will you pursue instead of pleasure? Is it big enough and impacts many, otherwise it won’t sustain.

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Social Media = Relationships “Light”

In this day and age most people can’t go 2 hours without the smartphone or any of the forms of social media (I won’t mention their names as their lawyer budget beats mine!) as their electronic soother!

I thought for my piece this week I would look at some of the challenges of communications that we are experiencing society today.

Let’s look at the book of faces for a moment. What is it?

When’s last time your car broke down the side of the road and you were able to connect with somebody on the book of faces to help you? Not often right?

This is not to say that social media doesn’t have any uses especially for those geographically separated by great distances.

However in my humble opinion these tools are used as a tool to manage risk of exposure to relationships. We control how much of a person we connect with and when. These have very little to do with the real face-to-face interaction of a traditional functional relationship.

We are becoming a society of people who don’t know how to relate to each other with problems spanning all life areas. We are seeing an unwillingness (and worse) an inability of young folks to have full relationships that include the inconveniences of being present.

We live in a time when social media has given us promise of being more and more connected with everyone. What I’ve noticed is more people that are more lonely and isolated. people who are so “busy” doing very little of true importance in their life. A life of significance is a life where we push ourselves and do what’s important and often it’s not at the end of an electronic tether. I met someone last week who had closed his book of faces for a week and he mentioned how liberated and free and productive he was. Over the last 2 months i have been involved in a business requiring face to face and phone meetings, the quality and experiences have been incredible.

So how to do we be constructive about this ?

Limit your time using the social media. You control the time when you want to interact with it and HOW. Turn off the aspects of it that send you emails every time somebody makes a comment. many these conversations are really self focused, selfish, trivial and all about glorifying a life that often is less than average.

A life of significance requires real presence and humanity.

I dare you to take a 1 week hiatus from social media, who knows you may never come back! See you in the flesh!

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Characteristics of High Performance People

High performance performance People are/have: 
1. A clear picture/vision/purpose of what they want to achieve. A great vision helps other people it is not self-centered.
2. Develop an attitude that it will work out the way they imagine it will. They expect to win! They see/feel themselves winning and practice that visualization consistently.
3. They serve others, it’s not just about themselves. They realize that to have a goal greater than themselves feeds them. To contribute to the greater good is more important than their personal gain.
4. They do not calculate “how much” they give or expect in return.They give because it is their fuel. They give because they are so full of passion, joy and appreciation. If someone fails to return the generosity, they don’t take it personally.5. They have a tireless and joyful work ethic. They enjoy what they spend long hours doing and they are great at it because of it.
6. They do it now. They realize that a job done now imperfectly beats a “perfectly done” effort next week. They realize that:
“You miss 100% of the shots you don’t take” –Wayne Gretzky
7. They fail a lot because they take a lot of chances. They learn from every failure and improve their skills (sharpen their axe).
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Attitude Clues

This week I talk about clues to those with unwaveringly great attitudes. I’m still working on mine every day and I can say i’m improving but have so much more to do!
Remember: “When the attitude is right the facts don’t count!”
People With Great Attitudes Have/Are (How many of these are you consistent with?) 
1. High energy: always ready to go
2. Problem Solvers:  Complaining and blaming is easy, most fools do it constantly
3. Can tolerate confusion: Break into parts and prioritize
4. Loyal to team purpose/cause
5. Committed to themselves
6. respond rather than react
7. Winning is a habit , they are never lazy (they love what they do)
9. At peace with themselves since they know why they are here, their purpose
10. Do what they said they would do (have integrity and high principles, example in my case: I return emails or calls within 24 hours no matter what)
“Winners are either “Up” or “getting Up”!”

Attitude Stealers/Destroyers
1. Detail “itis”, focus on the problem not the big picture
2. Procrastinate: Think if they don’t do “x” then they don’t have to do “y”
3. Overly sensitive: personalize everything, not realizing its not for them
4. Ask “Why” Questions: Why questions assume/create victim status
5. Double Minded: Unfocussed. because being successful comes with responsability, so they self-sabotage
6. Compare themselves with others/jealous: Not with themselves in the past. Interestingly: We compare our insides with others’ outsides!
                                                                                         “The trouble with doing nothing, you never know when you are done!”
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Perspective

Did you ever wonder why some people experience similar events but react completely differently? Well I do very often. I cam across some material this week that clarifies just that relationship.
 
C + P = E
Here is the formula:                                                Circumstances + Perspective = Experience 

In life we don’t control our circumstances nor our experience BUT we DO control our Perspective of events.

This brings us to failure: Our society simply has too negative a view of failure to the point where so many don’t even try or risk anything.
Too many people consider themselves a failure if they fail. This crushes them. Most people care more about what others think than our success.

A much superior and true perspective is that:

Failure is an Event Not Who You are! Winners keep stringing failures as they learn!

So when you have what you consider a failure or mess up, use this very supportive language: “That’s not Like me!” as it sends a message to our subconscious that this is unusual and NOT the status quo.

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A Real Hero

Fantastic Spoken Word on building your own career vs JOB (just over Broke):

https://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_embedded&v=tzcxOl4b7IA

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I challenge you to keep a dry eye after reading this, no offence to the stars, but we do tend to deify athletes, movie and rock stars. Thanks Ruth D. for passing this to me.

True Hero

And think of the media circus, flags at half staff, and all the things that were said of Whitney Houston when she died and Michael Jackson when he died. This hero died with barely anyone’s notice.
“Shifty” By Chuck Yeager

Shifty volunteered for the airborne in WWII and served with Easy Company of the 506th Parachute Infantry Regiment, part of the 101st Airborne Infantry. If you’ve seen Band of Brothers on HBO or the History Channel, you know Shifty. His character appears in all 10 episodes, and Shifty himself is interviewed in several of them.

I met Shifty in the Philadelphia airport several years ago. I didn’t know who he was at the time. I just saw an elderly gentleman having trouble reading his ticket. I offered to help, assured him that he was at the right gate, and noticed the “Screaming Eagle,” the symbol of  the 101st Airborne, on his hat.

Making conversation, I asked him if he’d been in the 101st Airborne or if his son was serving. He said quietly that he had been in the 101st. I thanked him for his service, then asked him when he served, and how many jumps he made.

Quietly and humbly, he said “Well, I guess I signed up in 1941 or so, and was in until sometime in 1945 …” at which point my heart skipped.

At that point, again, very humbly, he said “I made the 5 training jumps at Toccoa, and then jumped into Normandy . . . do you know where Normandy is?” At this point my heart stopped.

I told him “Yes, I know exactly where Normandy is, and I know what D-Day was.” At that point he said “I also made a second jump into Holland , into Arnhem ..” I was standing with a genuine war hero …and then I realized that it was June, just after the anniversary of  D-Day.

I asked Shifty if he was on his way back from France , and he said  “Yes… And it ‘s real sad because, these days, so few of the guys are left, and those that are, lots of them can’t make the trip.” My heart was in my throat and I didn’t know what to say.

I helped Shifty get onto the plane and then realized he was back in coach while I was in First Class. I sent the flight attendant back to get him and said that I wanted to switch seats. When Shifty came forward, I got up out of the seat and told him I wanted him to have it, that I’d take his in coach.


He said “No, son, you enjoy that seat. Just knowing that there are still some who remember what we did and who still care is enough to make an old man very happy.” His eyes were filling up as he said it.

And mine are brimming up now as I write this.
Shifty died on Jan. l7 after fighting cancer.
There was no parade.

No big event in Staples Center .

No wall-to-wall, back-to-back 24×7 news coverage.

No weeping fans on television.

And that’s not right!

Let’s give Shifty his own memorial service, online, in our own quiet way.

Please forward this email to everyone you know. Especially to the veterans.

Rest in peace, Shifty.

Chuck Yeager, Maj. General [ret.]

P.S. I think that it is amazing how the “media” chooses our “heroes” these days…

Elvis, Michael Jackson, Whitney Houston & the like.

“SHIFTY” – an incredible American hero.

Please do me a favor and pass this on so that untold thousands can read it.

We owe no less to our REAL Heroes.

 

I hope this touched you as much as did me.

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Secrets of Mega-Achievers

This week I wanted to share with you some powerful new information that came across my desk with regard to Mega-Achievers (those who seem to have the Midas touch and great success).

1.      Win your emotional combat: So many people lose to stubbornness and ego. Managing our thoughts so that we spend are time and focus on what we want, not what we don’t. Remember, any negative thoughts in your mind are there because you allow them. We have the power to insert any thought. Mega achievers don’t worry about reality, they visualize what they want and focus. Every day you should insert thoughts of personal power, health, abundance.

2.      Make and Execute a Simple Plan: Some of the greatest ideas ever were sketched out on a napkin. Simplicity always wins.

3.      Continuously Support Yourself:  Eliminate loophole words such as “try” and “but”. These rob you of your power and allows a back door exit. As Yoda said: “There is “Do” and there is “not do”, there is no try. Trying is lying. But is a similar word that invalidates all that was said prior to the “but”

Example: “I want to start my new project/business this week, BUT I am so busy”

 4.      The 5 Minute Rule:  Dr. Kenneth Christian tells his underachieving clients: “Just as you are about to give up, give it 5 more minutes. This will launch you through your “dead zone”.

 5.      The Ultimate Difference:  Between Achievers and underachievers is that: The underachiever quits and the achiever completes.

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“How can I make myself more attractive to the opposite sex?”

“How can I make myself more attractive to the opposite sex?”

I get this one asked at my seminars and by my clients so often I thought I’d share it with you.

In one word, be authentic! We live in a world where people wear masks as they feel they are not “enough” or too “flawed” as they are and unlovable with their flaws. What they don’t realize (and now you do) is that our flaws make us human and give us a chance to connect.

When you are trying to be something/someone you are not you lose the essence of what makes you unique and desirable. Realize the masks you wear to “appear” better come from ego, fear and lack. The masks cover fear of rejection and loss, that vibration is very negative and not attractive. Being your real self, flaws, warts and all is very different than what others are doing and allows people to automatically either really like you or dislike you. The fact many dislike you’re true self is a good thing as they naturally go away, leaving those who really like you.

If someone really likes your authentic self, there really is no fear of losing them as they like who you really are from the start. Then powerful relationships can form. Trying to be everything to everyone (brainy, sexy, sporty, successful, artistic, etc.) doesn’t work in target marketing for cars or for people.

Being authentic allows your target market (opposite sex) to really see you as a unique proposition with multiple facets and quirks and become attracted. Being happy with yourself and who you are attracts others who are real as well (and ok being flawed). Being interesting and different is attractive, someone who has many passions and interests is incredibly attractive (passions and interests should be things that feed their soul, not TV and mass popular culture which is a negative vibration (fear and lack perspective).  

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