Assertiveness: Your Rights and Responsabilities

 Assertiveness: Your Rights and Responsabilities
To be assertive you need to believe in both a) your individual rights and b) the rights of others. This balance is shown below, rights are standard  and responsabilities italics. As you read these, check statements that make you uncomfortable or which DO NOT reflect your normal behavior. This is from the United Nations.
If you are not assertive memorize the 1st ones, if you are aggressive memorize the 2nd ones.
  • I have the right to be treated with dignity and respect.
        I have the responsability to treat others with the same dignity and respect I desire from them.
  • I have the right to decide what is best for me.
         I have the responsability to allow others to decide what is best for them.
  • I have the right to have and express my own feelings and opinions.
        I have the responsabilty to express those feelings and opinions in a way that does not insult or put others down.
  • I have the right to ask for what I want and need.
        I have the responsability to allow others to refuse my request even though I don’t like to be refused.
  •  I have the right to say “NO” without feeling guilty.
         I have the responsability to allow others the right to say “NO”
  • I have the right to be listened to and taken seriously.
        I have the responsability to listen to others and take them seriously 
  •  I have the right to make mistakes.
         I have the responsability to accept the consequences of those mistakes. 
  • I have the right to all my human weaknesses and limitations without guilt or shame.
        I have the responsability to allow others their weaknesses without ridiculing or resenting them.
  •  I have the right to do what is necessary to protect my physical and mental health even though this sometimes requires non-assertive or aggressive  behavior and discomforting of others.
         I have the responsability to do this in a way that causes the least amount of harm to both myself and others.
       
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2014 Go For It!

2014 Go for It!
Last week looked at finding out our wins and challenges for the year 2013. Now we will look forward always in the objective of creating a compelling future that jazzes US (no one else!). I’ve included a few

1) In terms of each of the following life areas, rank your level of satisfaction RIGHT Now (in this moment, don’t over-analyze) with that area in your life 1 to 10 where 1 means that area is completely unsatisfactory to 10 being completely and utterly over the moon.
Satisfaction (Out of /10)
My Relationship with family                __
My Realtionship friends                        __
Significant Other                                       __
Fun and Recreation                                  __
Health                                                             __
Money                                                            __
Career                                                            __
Personal Growth                                       __
Physical Environment                            __

So any areas at or below a “5” should definately be focused on for you to live a fulfilling life in 2014.

2) Look forward to the end of 2014, you are writing out what an incredible year it was.
You begin:

  1. Imagine that it is one year from now – you’re feeling especially gratified and thankful. You are looking back over the past year with a sense of satisfaction and pride. It has been a fabulous year of growth and personal achievement – a year that spoke to your heart. You sit down to write a letter to your closest friends, describing the year,
  2. What are the highlights? You begin: “This has been a most extraordinary year for me…”

What are the obstacles you had to overcome?
There is an underlying theme for the whole year – a thread that was woven through it all. What was that thread?
Who did you have to be in order to get to that place?

3) What experiences on your bucket list will you endeavour to experience/accomplish?

These should get you started!

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2013 an overview

A New Year, a Newsletter Returns
For the long time readers welcome back to 2BFRANK Living, Canada’s most authentic newsletter. For those of you who are new welcome and enjoy!

Since this is 2014 I thought I would share with you some questions you may want to ask yourself to learn and gain insight from 2013!
I use these with my coaching clients

1) What was/were my biggest breakthrough(s) in 2013 in terms of:
My Relationship with a) family and b) friends.
Dating/Relationship
Fun and Recreation
Health
Money
Career
Personal Growth
Physical Environment

2) What was the biggest challenge I overcame in 2013? Who did I have to become to do so?

3) What were my 3 greatest accomplishments for the year (think about if you will remember them in 10 years time)?

4) What experiences did I have that were on my “bucket list”?

5) How am I different than I was January 1st, 2013?

6) What personal Milestones did I accomplish (example: ran a 5K race, saved $5,000, took my scuba diving licence)?

7) What difficult choices did I make to be authentic and live my values?

Next Week we will get focused on 2014!

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The “Happiness Trap”

I have re-purposed and added from the brilliant book, “Rascal: Making A Difference Becoming an Original Character” by Chris Brady. Many people mistakenly believe that life is about an individual’s happiness.

 


The biggest trap is believing that happiness can be obtained by direct pursuit. The route most people take to pursue happiness is the seeking of pleasure.  We somehow think that by gaining enough pleasure we will be happy. But the pursuit of pleasure is a con job. It ends in an endless spiral of the pursuit of MORE. This is because pleasure in and by itself is not fulfilling (it should be an earned reward). As each thrill is experienced, we automatically seek and desire a bigger thrill, a higher high. We become desensitized to the pleasure and seek/want stronger stimulation next time.

With the above critical fundamental in mind, it is easy to understand our modern epidemic of addictions to EVERYTHING. It seems there are addictions to anything and everything these days, from the traditional alcohol, drugs, gambling and promiscuity to the more subtle but as destructive addictions to TV, media, shopping, coffee, social media, sloth, etc. At the root of everything is the same empty pursuit of pleasure and more pleasure (for it’s numbing qualities).


The other side is just empty. Many chase peace and tranquility in the hopes happiness will be found there. Alas this chase is just as empty! Why? In the land of peace and tranquility lies the disease of boredom. Idleness begets shallowness robbing us of confidence, courage, contribution and direction. A well earned vacation is a good thing however.
Happiness is always and only the byproduct of right and purposeful living in accordance with values that serve others and make a difference.

The previous information married with my new compensated community business building has helped me greatly focus my life in the pursuit of servant leadership to change others’ lives via life coaching. The side benefit has been a remarkable decrease in pleasure seeking behavior for its own sake. I highly recommend it. Drop me a line or email if you want to chat!

What will you pursue instead of pleasure? Is it big enough and impacts many, otherwise it won’t sustain.

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Characteristics of High Performance People

High performance performance People are/have: 
1. A clear picture/vision/purpose of what they want to achieve. A great vision helps other people it is not self-centered.
2. Develop an attitude that it will work out the way they imagine it will. They expect to win! They see/feel themselves winning and practice that visualization consistently.
3. They serve others, it’s not just about themselves. They realize that to have a goal greater than themselves feeds them. To contribute to the greater good is more important than their personal gain.
4. They do not calculate “how much” they give or expect in return.They give because it is their fuel. They give because they are so full of passion, joy and appreciation. If someone fails to return the generosity, they don’t take it personally.5. They have a tireless and joyful work ethic. They enjoy what they spend long hours doing and they are great at it because of it.
6. They do it now. They realize that a job done now imperfectly beats a “perfectly done” effort next week. They realize that:
“You miss 100% of the shots you don’t take” –Wayne Gretzky
7. They fail a lot because they take a lot of chances. They learn from every failure and improve their skills (sharpen their axe).
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Secrets of Mega-Achievers

This week I wanted to share with you some powerful new information that came across my desk with regard to Mega-Achievers (those who seem to have the Midas touch and great success).

1.      Win your emotional combat: So many people lose to stubbornness and ego. Managing our thoughts so that we spend are time and focus on what we want, not what we don’t. Remember, any negative thoughts in your mind are there because you allow them. We have the power to insert any thought. Mega achievers don’t worry about reality, they visualize what they want and focus. Every day you should insert thoughts of personal power, health, abundance.

2.      Make and Execute a Simple Plan: Some of the greatest ideas ever were sketched out on a napkin. Simplicity always wins.

3.      Continuously Support Yourself:  Eliminate loophole words such as “try” and “but”. These rob you of your power and allows a back door exit. As Yoda said: “There is “Do” and there is “not do”, there is no try. Trying is lying. But is a similar word that invalidates all that was said prior to the “but”

Example: “I want to start my new project/business this week, BUT I am so busy”

 4.      The 5 Minute Rule:  Dr. Kenneth Christian tells his underachieving clients: “Just as you are about to give up, give it 5 more minutes. This will launch you through your “dead zone”.

 5.      The Ultimate Difference:  Between Achievers and underachievers is that: The underachiever quits and the achiever completes.

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“How can I make myself more attractive to the opposite sex?”

“How can I make myself more attractive to the opposite sex?”

I get this one asked at my seminars and by my clients so often I thought I’d share it with you.

In one word, be authentic! We live in a world where people wear masks as they feel they are not “enough” or too “flawed” as they are and unlovable with their flaws. What they don’t realize (and now you do) is that our flaws make us human and give us a chance to connect.

When you are trying to be something/someone you are not you lose the essence of what makes you unique and desirable. Realize the masks you wear to “appear” better come from ego, fear and lack. The masks cover fear of rejection and loss, that vibration is very negative and not attractive. Being your real self, flaws, warts and all is very different than what others are doing and allows people to automatically either really like you or dislike you. The fact many dislike you’re true self is a good thing as they naturally go away, leaving those who really like you.

If someone really likes your authentic self, there really is no fear of losing them as they like who you really are from the start. Then powerful relationships can form. Trying to be everything to everyone (brainy, sexy, sporty, successful, artistic, etc.) doesn’t work in target marketing for cars or for people.

Being authentic allows your target market (opposite sex) to really see you as a unique proposition with multiple facets and quirks and become attracted. Being happy with yourself and who you are attracts others who are real as well (and ok being flawed). Being interesting and different is attractive, someone who has many passions and interests is incredibly attractive (passions and interests should be things that feed their soul, not TV and mass popular culture which is a negative vibration (fear and lack perspective).  

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In a Complex World: Leaders need a Broader Mindset

From the Globe and Mail January 13th, 2013,

by Harvey Schachter

Amazing article that outlines the big picture issues faced by management but also academia. Frank

“The two are partners in a leadership consulting firm, even though Ms. Lahl lives in Maui, Hawaii, and Dr. Egan is in California, where she is an associate professor of applied behavioural science and director of the master of science in organizational development program at Pepperdine University.

They observe that most people now find themselves living in a volatile, complex, uncertain and ambiguous world.

“The pace of the world has outstripped where we are as human beings,” Dr. Egan explained in an interview. “Any leadership development has to help people develop bigger minds that can match the world we’re in.”

This bigger mindset, the consultants say, includes not only the traditional analytical approach as well as the soft stuff – such as navigating workplace relationships. It involves tapping into five elements of ourselves, which they group under the acronym SPINE:

Spiritual: Developing a sense of meaning, purpose, and community at work.

Physical: Understanding how to manage well-being and energy, and using your body as signalling system.

Intellectual: This is the mind component, being comfortable with complexity and ambiguity, and thinking systemically.

Intuitive: Our ability to see patterns in unrelated data, which serves as a source of creativity and insight.

Emotion: We want to control emotions in the workplace, but we need to learn to value emotions as information – to be able to regulate emotions and be attuned to ourself and others.

The consultants have developed a short assessmentthat asks questions about whether you are comfortable with ambiguity, find that your emotions have an impact on your energy, and have the courage to act on your values.

“We see many leaders who are intellectually quite evolved but their emotional self is not fully evolved,” Ms. Lahl noted in an interview. To help this emotional self evolve, to develop your SPINE, they urge you to:

– Take the opportunity each day to look for inspiration and meaning in your work.

– Develop a map of your physical signalling system. Note what gives you energy and what depletes you. Pay attention to what your body is telling you about the decisions that you are making.

– Expand your problem-solving circle to include perspectives that are different from your own.

– Take time every day to develop your intuition by spending time in nature, with no focus and no agenda.

– Spend a week paying attention to what kind of impact your emotions have on your thinking and performance.

If you struggle with some areas of SPINE, neuroscience offers heartening advice. It is possible to change, to reprogram your behaviour – if you have the will and desire.

“It calls for the passion that allows us to go beyond our comfort zones,” Ms Lahl said.

Beyond the SPINE approach, they highlight three other capabilities that can help you handle complex situations.

The first is “dynamic attention,” which refers to deliberately breaking the multitasking habit. Create a distraction-free workplace, and in a trial week, set aside 20 minutes every day where your attention is focused on one item, noting what changes within you or in your productivity. Over the next two weeks, build up to an hour-long distraction-free zone. Research about awareness, they note, shows that we can only change ourselves if we create periods of dynamic attention.

The second is “strategic clarity.” This refers to our ability to step back and assess a situation, challenge our current understanding, seek additional information, incorporate new insights, and take action. This will involve understanding your past, because unprocessed memories can drive our choices. Ms. Lahl talks about the part of herself that gets antsy in meetings and starts daydreaming, and another part that wants everything to be neat and orderly, with all tasks checked off. “If my wise self is not in control of that, I can burn out,” she said.

The third capability is “authentic collaboration.” This means creating communities in the workplace so that you’re not alone in dealing with the complex, volatile world and are able to react in an agile way.

“The world is becoming increasingly complex and that won’t change soon,” Dr. Egan summed up. “We each have a choice and obligation to work with ourselves and others so we can have the impact we want.”

Special to The Globe and Mail”

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You Become What You Think

For those of you wishing you could have access to the best personal growth information, events and people who can really help you achieve your dreams, I may have the solution for you. Drop me an email so I can send you some information.

Via this incredible bank of material I came across what many believe (as do I) is THE source document for all personal growth material. From Tony Robbins, The Secret, Abraham Hicks, Wayne Dyer, etc.

It is by a gentleman named Earl Nightingale. In 1957 he was a very successful insurance broker who came up with a 30 minute video to train his salespeople. People were changed and it became the greatest selling non-musical recording ever at that time. Though the audio and video are dated and a little worn, the perspective is definitely from the era, don’t let that throw you off.

It is a very layered and complex recording with a lot of information, I’m at my 4th listen and I get something new every time. I challenge you to listen to it every day. The video is called “The Strangest Secret”

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=62DqsD2s5V8

One of the key learnings here is that our thoughts create our reality, “We Become What We Think Of” Remember that where you are is the sum total of the thoughts (at certain vibrational/energy frequencies) you have thought.

Once we take 100% responsibility for our results (not blame others, the economy, our parents, our employer, etc.) we are at the wheel of our life and can go where we want when we want.

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SMART Goals

Now that all the New Year celebrations are behind us it’s time to focus on making 2013 a banner year in all your life areas. I figured a quick refresher on setting SMART goals in each of your life areas.

SMART Goals are:

Specific to one area of your life. Example: Health

Measurable, if it can’t be measured it doesn’t work. Weigh 170 pounds and run 5 km a day

Accountable, Can be a coach, friend, someone to keep you on track

Resonant, Needs to be connected to your heart and make a difference in your life

Thrilling , If it doesn’t freak you out a little or take your breath away, you won’t be inspired

Remember to NOT PUT a timeline that’s too exact as it can discourage.

Here is an example in my life. A huge goal for me in 2013 is to launch my new Motorcycle book called, “Motorcycling: A Lifelong Passion”. I want to sell 5000 copies and go on a summer  20 city U.S and Canada book signing tour on my motorcycle, with my writing partner Greg Powell. It is Specific, Measurable (5000 units and 20 cities), Accountable (to Greg and you now), Resonant and Thrilling  (I am thrilled and excited and can’t wait to touch people with this passionate book!),

Here are your 8 Critical Life Areas with a SMART goal for each one, I dare you to actually complete this:

My SMART GOAL for 2013

Family and Friends:       _______________________________________________

Significant Other:            _______________________________________________

Fun & Recreation:            _______________________________________________

Health & Fitness:              _______________________________________________

Career:                                 _______________________________________________

Money:                                _______________________________________________

Physical Environment: _______________________________________________

Personal Growth:            _______________________________________________