Question: “Why are/can relationships be so hard!?” Janice C.

 

Answer:  Firstly, thanks for the question Janice. The Universe can never buck your trend or vibration, so if you think they are hard, then the Universe will match that and give you “hard” relationships.

They are hard when we are unclear who we are, what we want and have limited courage and/or low standards for what we deserve. If we come from fear/insecurity (lack) we will attract that.

They can be hard when we are inauthentic (trying to be what we are not) and trying to please or impress another with our actions. The most important relationship is with ourselves and many people don’t have a good one there. Self criticism and low self esteem should be your number one enemies and they can be dealt with by beginning to monitor and notice your thoughts and language. Just saying, “Relationships are hard.”  Is a very scarcity-based perspective. Your subconscious says, “If they are hard, why would we even want one? We don’t” 

Without really liking yourself you go out meeting people that subconsciously feel like they “complete” you. If you don’t really like yourself and feel incomplete without a partner you attract another “incomplete” partner. Two “incompletes” don’t make a “complete”, they make both more incomplete as both partners are trying to “get” something they need internally (self love) from outside themselves. All this does is augment a chain of pain.

A person with strong personal preferences, clear standards of conduct, a strong sense of self that is being authentic manifests relationships easily and naturally as they are abundant. Relationships can be anything YOU create and want them to be, exciting, fun, etc.

This mindset lets us realize that we can never stand on our head in enough ways to ever please another person. Even if we do, we will lose their respect or attract abuse (victim-victimizer complex).
When we are clear about who we are and what we want, we naturally know what we need and gravitate to relationships and people we can get our needs met with. When this happens with both partners asking and getting their needs met, it is incredible how joyful, natural and passionate relationships become.

So look inside first, fill that up then watch your external (with another) relationships flourish. Otherwise it’s like trying to fill a bucket with a hole in it, no one can ever give you enough love to replace the love you don’t have for yourself.

**************************************************************************************************************

2012 A Look At The Year that Was – FOR YOU!

      As a breakthrough coach, my job is to shift clients’ perception of what is to really live their authentic lives. My expertise is around shifting perspectives, great questions allow growth. As I mention in , “Live It!”, “The quality of your life is the quality of the questions you ask yourself”. As we are now officially in December, here are some questions to get some quality answers that will help you grow into 2013.

  

“Quality Questions I Can Ask Myself Now to Grow”

 “Where am I more complete than I was 11 months ago? Where am I less complete?”

“What were the three biggest personal breakthroughs I had this year (career, relationships, health, personal growth, money, balance, physical environment”

“What stopped me from being my Most Brilliant Self this year? Why?”

“If I could re-make one different decision this past year which one would I and why?

“Who have I become this year?”

“Who am I evolving into for 2013?”

“Where are the three biggest opportunities for 2013? Why are they?”

“What’s one thing I want less of in 2013 (example, stress, illness, fear, etc.)?

“What’s one thing I want more of in 2013? (Joy, passion, adventure, etc.)

“How was 2012 a “breakthrough year for me?”

“What am I most proud of that I did/achieved in 2012?”

Want more?, Hire me as your Breakthrough Coach! Now! Then I guarantee, 2013 will be THE YEAR FOR YOU!

**************************************************************************************************************

A Life of Courageous Authenticity!

We all want it, the media parades it to us but so many find it very difficult to achieve: What is it?

A Life  of Courageous Authenticity

We all wear masks of inauthenticity, identifying ourselves with other people. We don’t even know who we are, what we are doing and why we are doing it. We don’t know what we don’t know. From our childhood we’ve developed values and behaviours to feel accepted by others and to fit in. Our egos want to protect us from feelings of isolation.  These fearful masks disguise our true greatness, uniqueness and connection to our own humanity. Our Most Brilliant Selves are stifled beneath the façade.

 


 

Once we become courageously authentic, our whole life is unveiled by our ongoing transformation.

This book will launch you forward and guide you to embrace your ultimate truth:

 

  • Learn to create powerful new thoughts and behavior patterns while overwriting false self-limiting beliefs.
  • Enhance your vibration by adopting an abundance perspective
  • Learn to live your unique truth and love yourself deeply
  • Enjoy real life stories of authenticity and quotes to inspire you
  • Self-mentor with exercises that help clarify your values, create your life purpose and build your life’s vision

 

Once you understand, accept and then love your courageous authentic self, you will rise above your fears, and a new passionate and permanent quality of life is yours. This is is not a Practice Life!

 

Live It! Your Courageosuly Authentic Life” My latest book, allowing you to discover, harness and develop your unique superpower: your unique courageous authenticity! NOW AVAILABLE !

 

**************************************************************************************************************

 

 

A Comparison of Successful People and Unsuccessful People

As fall begins it’s time to refocus and be better at everything! A great friend and business partner sent me this and I completely concur, thanks Rabia! I’m unsure of the source. print it off so you can see it, mine is going on my vision wall! i’ve added the Emotional Scale emotions for clarity (remember any emotion above #8 feels good and attracts abundance, and below #8 feels bad attracts scarcity .

Successful People                                                                            Unsuccessful People
Have a sense of gratitude (appreciation, #1 on the ES)        Have a sense of entitlement
Forgive others                                                                                        Hold a grudge
Give others credit for their victories                                             Take all the credit for their victories
Accept responsibility for their failures                                         Blame (#15 on the ES) others for their failures
Compliment (appreciation, #1 ont he ES)                                    Criticize (#20 Jealousy on the ES)
Read (Empowerment, #1 on the ES) everyday                          Watch TV (scarcity perspective) everyday
Keep a journal                                                                                          Say they keep a journal but really don’t
Talk about ideas                                                                                      Talk about people
Want others to succeed (Hopefulness, #6 on the ES)             Secretly hope others fail
Share information and data                                                               Horde information and data
Keep a “to-be” list                                                                                  Don’t know what they want to be
Exude joy (Joy, #1 on the ES)                                                           Exude anger (Anger is #17 on the ES)
Keep a “to-do” project list  (Eagerness/Enthusiasm #3)       Fly by the seat of their pants
Set goals and develop life plans                                                        Never set goals (to avoid failing)
Continuously learn (always open)                                                  Think they know it all (always closed)
Embrace Change                                                                                     Fear change
Transformational perspective (“what can i contribute?”)     Transactional perspective (“what can i get?”)

Which are you mostly?

**************************************************************************************************************

The Crying Games (Olympics Edition)

                       I’m not going to lie, I’m an Olympics junkie, there, I said it. From when I was a child and the Olympics came to Montreal in 1976 I have had a fascination with the level of competition, camaraderie, come-from-behind human stories and pageantry that is the Olympics.

                      At my high school the Olympiads were a great time for me even thought I wasn’t the fastest or strongest but always gave my all. I used to dig long jump pits in the back yard and dream of beating Bob Beamon’s incredible 29 foot record.

                      So this week as I was feverishly putting the final touches on “Live-It” I was watching all the events with moderate to high interest. Truth be told, the Track and Field events are by far my favorite (they begin Saturday Aug. 4th). Still, I was hooked.

                       Particularly on Wednesday night when the men’s 2000 meter 8’s rowing was on, Canada was in 4th place for the first ¾ of the race. Then at the 1500 meter mark, they hit the turbo boosters and moved up to finish in 2nd place for the Silver medal.

                       I was literally crying of joy as the emotion of the team and the power of their teamwork and resolve pushed them to the podium finish. I was imagining what it would be like to train day in and day out in the heat, cold and dampness day after day, week after week, month after month and year after year and then be in “the race”. The race against all the best in the world, knowing I was also one of the best in the world. Wow! Exhilaration, pride, joy, appreciation, freedom and empowerment would course through my veins. All these emotions are the best we can ever feel (All #1 on the Emotional Scale).

                      Then my STUMPS showed up, he pointed out the irony of my sitting on my couch alone crying at the performance of a bunch of strangers I don’t even know. I told him to be quiet and enjoyed that release that comes from bawling your eyes out from joy. You should try it, all you have to worry about is having a box of tissues and your ego-based pride judging you. I say go for it, get into that incredible vibration of pure emotions. Once every 4 years this happens, there is still 1 week, don’t miss it! Who knows you may enjoy the crying games!

 *************************************************************************************************************

Milestone Celebrations

      A few weeks ago, my cousin got engaged, congratulations cuzmonious!

      As he told me the wondrous news I was so excited, I didn’t know what to say so I said what most people do, “When’s the wedding?”  He replied by telling me that he had planned the engagement for a few months and just wanted to breathe and savor having successfully posed the question and received a “yes” answer.

This little interlude is very telling of how most of us live life. We work hard and diligently and succeed at the milestones we set for ourselves. Do we savor the moment and all it took to get there? Do we relish our victory and share it for weeks to come? No we don’t. We are already focusing on the next milestone.

I believe this is a derivative of how pride is seen as a deadly sin. I’m sorry, but if you worked hard and reached a goal, you should be proud and celebrate and savor and share it for as long as you want to! I think where it’s a sin is when we let our ego get the best of us coming from insecurity.

One of the key things I do with coaching clients is have them celebrate and relish their achievements and really start celebrating more. Life is too long to only celebrate the “big” moments like weddings, graduations and new jobs.

I challenge you to celebrate a minor milestone and share and savor it all week.

**************************************************************************************************************

How to Get Market/Date Ready

Reader Question

This week, I thought I’d share a question I answered for one of our readers.

QUESTION: “I’m still upset/heartbroken over my past relationship(s). How (and when?) do I get “market-ready” to date?” JC

Frank: The simple answer JC, you’re ready when you are ready! What’s the rush anyway? That being said, everyone is different. You are ready when the idea of going out with someone new is very appealing. Too many people the fear being alone and then start dating coming from a lacking place. Anything coming from fear/lack is not a good perspective and will attract other fearful/lacking people.

When you’ve done some inner work towards getting to know and love yourself you will be ready. Many people don’t love (or even like) themselves and look to a relationship to fill up what they are missing. Two low self-esteem people do not a good couple make! Inadequate + inadequate = More inadequate! And they trigger each other’s unresolved “baggage” together making a mess.

When you become single after a relationship (never mind a heartbreaker!) you need time to get to know what the new (and improved), latest version of you likes and wants. Many people right out of a relationship feel rejected, dejected, unworthy (unworthiness is #21 on the ES). They feel less than complete and feel lost. A good way to soften is to look for all the gifts the relationship gave you, who YOU became because of it. You are VERY aware of what didn’t work, flip that around to what you do want. So, if you felt your last partner was “controlling”, you could say, “I’m looking for someone who values freedom (#1 on the ES) as I do.”

A certain amount of grieving must occur to process the emotions. Be gentle and enjoy exploring your “new” very different life. Reconnect to old and make new friends and hobbies/passions. Don’t look immediately for a partner as then the dreaded “rebound” relationships occur. Do the right thing and take some time to be curious about all that is possible. Most people look at what they lost instead of what they gained from their separation. When coming from lack you attract others in lack.

Good luck and please let us know how it goes!  

**************************************************************************************************************

Summer 2012: Your Best Ever!

As I was preparing my men’s circle last week I created a few questions to get the men pumped up about their summer of 2012. Well, we are 2 days in with 88 days to go and what will you do to make this a summer to end all summers?

            When I coach, I often use little “tricks” (techniques) to shift the perspective of my clients, which allows them to come up with new, fresher and more empowering viewpoints on their existing challenges. One of those is the future or past time warp where I have them see their situation from the future as if it has already happened.

Here is the question I had them share with the group, I urge you to try it yourself!

“It is September 1st, 2012 and the summer of 2012 turned out to be my best summer ever! I really grabbed my life and did _________________ and  _____________________ and ________________ and __________________ . I also visited ________________ and _________________ .

I had 2 major challenges this summer, _______________________ and ____________________ . I overcame these challenges by _______________________.

I’m really proud of myself.”

 

Hopefully that really brought you some clarity and inspiration in terms of what you want for yourself this summer. All I will add is have fun, the summer solstice is but a brief visitor! Have a great summer.

**************************************************************************************************************

Frogs

A close friend sent me this, exactly when I needed it of course (the universe always provides)! Enjoy!

 Once upon a time there was a bunch of tiny frogs….. Who arranged a running competition.

 The goal was to reach the top of a very high tower

 A big crowd had gathered around the tower to see the race and cheer on the contestants. …

 The race began. Honestly, no one in crowd really believed that the tiny frogs would reach the top of the tower. You heard statements such as: “Oh, WAY too difficult!!’ 

‘”They will NEVER make it to the top” or “Not a chance that they will succeed.. The tower is too high” 

The tiny frogs began collapsing. One by one.Except for those, who in a fresh tempo, were climbing higher and higher…. The crowd continued to yell,  “It is too difficult!!! No one will make it!’ 

More tiny frogs got tired and gave up  But one continued higher and higher and higher….
This one wouldn’t give up!    At the end everyone else had given up climbing the tower. Except for the one tiny frog who, after a big effort, was the only one who reached the top

THEN all of the other tiny frogs naturally wanted to know how this one frog managed to do it?
A contestant asked the tiny frog how he had found the strength to succeed and reach the goal

It turned out…. That the winner was DEAF!!!! 

Never listen to other people’s tendencies to be negative or pessimistic. …   because they take your most wonderful dreams and wishes away from you — the ones you have in your heart!

Always think of the power words haveBecause everything you hear and read will affect your actions ThereforeALWAYS be…. POSITIVEAnd above allBe DEAF when people tell YOU that you cannot fulfill your dreams!

Always think :God (the Universe) and I can do this!”

Pass this message on to 5 ‘tiny frogs’ you care about. Give them some motivation!! !

 Most people walk in and out of your life……but FRIENDS Leave footprints in your heart.

**************************************************************************************************************  

Elephant on the Menu? Sure! One Bite at a Time!

Every week the task (and pleasure) of writing this newsletter dawns on me. I am sometimes asked how do I find inspiration to write? This is a great question as so many people dream of writing some even dream of being a published author. I must be honest about 2/3 of the time it’s very easy as I have a topic in mind all week and it is a natural conduit to the newsletter. The other 1/3 of the time (like this week tbh!) it is more difficult (still doable but harder). I thought I’d share some of what has worked for me.

I found that my little inner voice aka STUMPS (Saboteur Trickster Most Pathetic Self) was less active (STOPPING ME) and when I said , “I will begin to write a book” and not “I will be an author” or “I will write a book and it will be great”.

Another example, If you have been thinking you want to run a half (13 miles/ 21 km) or full marathon (26 miles/42km) but you are not running now. The gap between not running at all might as well be the Grand Canyon! With this type of goal-setting you will lose interest and get discouraged quickly. A better (softer and less of a stretch) approach would be to say, “I’m starting to run and I commit to 3 times a week 2 km per run” (remember how to eat an elephant: one bite at a time!).

Once I had written my first book (Killing Yourself With Your Fork?) in 2009, my STUMPS had another run at me this time saying, “Yeah, you wrote a book but it’s not a REAL book, it’s not that good!”. They are nasty! Here’s how I resolved this more subtle but just as harming one. I reframed it! “I’m a great coach and speaker who writes books too!”, see how this is much softer and more accessible. We can choose what thoughts we put in our minds and change those we don’t like!

***