Getting Yourself Out of the “Bad Feelings are Wrong” Mind Trap

This article is derived from a great book, “Get Out of Your Own Way” by Dr. Tom Rusk
We all have times when we feel bad. When we are below the #8 (Boredom) on the emotional scale. Feeling bad can mean we feel fearful, powerless, depressed, jealous, grieving, angry, pessimistic, worried, blaming.  These emotions don’t feel good, far from it. Worse yet is we usually make ourselves wrong for feeling bad too! So we feel bad, and feel worse about feeling bad.

We have grown up in a world where we have to justify why we feel bad, thus making it a shameful emotion to be avoided, except we can’t Not feel bad, that would mean we have lost all our feelings. Our feelings are guides and signals to us that we are not living our truth and are “playing small”.

The fields of psychology and psychiatry have done us a grave disservice in separating feelings out of their trades. It makes sense as feelings are messy and difficult to put a label on.

Bad Feelings show us where our spirit is in pain 

To find your way out Dr. Rusk suggests the following attitude.

“If I hope to be loved  and loving, to discover and develop my talents and to find meaningful ways to use my time. i must stay attuned to my spirit and allow it to guide me in my decisions. That means paying close attention  to my feelings, because they are the medium through which my spirit is revealed to me.

I’m going to stop seeing myself as defective when I feel bad. Instead I’m going to try to figure out why my spirit is in pain. keeping a notebook and writing down what I’m feeling when I have strong feelings can help me learn to understand what my feelings are telling me.”

This is pretty deep and I find it very comforting and loving to our inner child who is afraid and small. We all need to be more empathetic and less judgmental of our feelings (especially those that feel bad).

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2014 Go For It!

2014 Go for It!
Last week looked at finding out our wins and challenges for the year 2013. Now we will look forward always in the objective of creating a compelling future that jazzes US (no one else!). I’ve included a few

1) In terms of each of the following life areas, rank your level of satisfaction RIGHT Now (in this moment, don’t over-analyze) with that area in your life 1 to 10 where 1 means that area is completely unsatisfactory to 10 being completely and utterly over the moon.
Satisfaction (Out of /10)
My Relationship with family                __
My Realtionship friends                        __
Significant Other                                       __
Fun and Recreation                                  __
Health                                                             __
Money                                                            __
Career                                                            __
Personal Growth                                       __
Physical Environment                            __

So any areas at or below a “5” should definately be focused on for you to live a fulfilling life in 2014.

2) Look forward to the end of 2014, you are writing out what an incredible year it was.
You begin:

  1. Imagine that it is one year from now – you’re feeling especially gratified and thankful. You are looking back over the past year with a sense of satisfaction and pride. It has been a fabulous year of growth and personal achievement – a year that spoke to your heart. You sit down to write a letter to your closest friends, describing the year,
  2. What are the highlights? You begin: “This has been a most extraordinary year for me…”

What are the obstacles you had to overcome?
There is an underlying theme for the whole year – a thread that was woven through it all. What was that thread?
Who did you have to be in order to get to that place?

3) What experiences on your bucket list will you endeavour to experience/accomplish?

These should get you started!

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Adversity Quotient: Separates the Successful from the Mediocre

As a college professor myself I am keenly aware of the fact  that all educational systems around the world do a very poor job preparing young  and not so young minds for the reality of the real world. In school we are taught that failure is bad and that one strive for perfectionism. I don’t teach this mumbo jumbo, as I realize that applied hands on skills and failure within a learning environment builds “ADVERSITY QUOTIENT”, or AQ. Also known as resilience.
What does the academic complex value? Safety and security in a job. Secular and technological innovation have made the security and safety of a job actually unsafe. Corporations (dinosaurs) are going through a hundred year cycle of adjustment as smaller, faster, nimbler and technologically proficient firms (mammals) are taking over.

How we handle challenges is whats separates the great from the also rans.
Here is the formula:

Adversity Quotient = IQ x EQ x WQ
IQ is the least important, as often the most intelligent aren’t open to learn (we don’t know what we don’t kinow : most dangerous blind spot). Minimum intelligence required is to create and follow ma game plan.EQ (Emotional Intelligence) is very important as it is how we deal with people and the interrelationships between us.
WQ (Willpower Quotient) is the most important as those who don’t quit get better and eventually win.

Success Formula: 1) What do you want and why, 2) What it costs, 3) Pay it!
A good Life coach can help.
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