The Entrepreneur’s Dilemma:

QuestionI’m a health care professional and entrepreneur and from time to time I find myself in a rut, questioning my abilities, if I’m doing the right thing, should I do something else…I have a couple of what I think are great personal and career opportunities at the moment, and I want to know what the best way is to stay fresh, energized, enthusiastic about these projects. Also, because they’re entrepreneurial in nature, there’s risk, all types of different risks, financial, personal, opportunity costs and the like. I want to stay energized and passionate about the opportunities while at the same time staying level headed. How do I stay passionate and energized enough to defend my ideas about these opportunities while being open minded and flexible about suggestions/criticisms from others. How do I manage the dilemma of having the fire, but also realistic?                DP

Frank’s Reply:
Firstly, we all get in ruts sometimes, but I would watch my language (as language shapes our experience), call it a “creative break” or a “refocus period”, as if you’ve ever really been stuck in a winter icy rut with your bald tires, tough to get out and the word is powerful for your subconscious mind!

Whenever we tackle something for the first few times we are complete and utterly “lost” and relatively “useless” as we have few reference points or guide points letting us know “proceed you are on the right track” or something similar. I’m hearing a fair amount of enthusiasm (great! Passion #2 on the ES) but also fear (awful feeling #22 on the ES!). Trust your intuition on these “great” opportunities and follow them as far as they feel good to you and motivate you, otherwise put them aside and focus on what’s working.

The best way to feel fresh and energized with these projects is to fully commit all of you to them, don’t hold back (your STUMPS (acronym for Saboteur Trickster Most Pathetic Self in “u”) is telling you to be guarded and not give 100%), don’t listen, do it anyway. Remember it’s not what you do that is important but who you become in the trials and tribulations of trying, failing and dusting yourself off and trying again. Being an entrepreneur is a lonely profession, I know. Thousands of untold invested hours with sometimes zero external money or result to show for it, that’s why many prefer a cushy job, guaranteed income.  The fact you have multiple projects is a great testament to others’ confidence in you and your openness, trust that side of yourself.

As for Realistic VS Passion, they are polar opposites and inversely correlated. As an early stage entrepreneur I would lean 80% passion, 20% realistic as all great breakthroughs were not realistic.
Realistic is for losers and those who work in bean-counter organizations, not us little mice (vs. dinosaur) entrepreneurs. Besides realistic has no vision, juice or power! Passion can sell any idea to anyone.

I would make sure I have well set out goal milestones and these need to be things you know are needed to succeed, but NOT the final result, keep reframing it bigger. Here’s an example from my work.

  • When I first had the idea of Cobra in the Closet project I wanted to write about my client’s progress over 37 days.
  • I had no clear goals in writing other than to capture what was occurring and my evaluation (still in experiment/report mode)
  • Then as I began writing more and more (what I thought were good pages) I realized I loved writing this book and committed to writing a minimum of 3 pages a day in it (with no final target).
  • I soon realized my experiment subject was not playing her “role” as student / coachee at all”. At this point I wanted to quit saying “how can I write a book about coaching her if she doesn’t want to be coached?
  • I realized then, my viewpoint was too small so I reframed it (helped by the journaling in the book I was writing). I reframed it this way:

“I may fail as a coach, Jen may fail as a student but the project succeeds madly!”

This took a lot of pressure off me, and allowed me to continue.

Last point: As an entrepreneur: Other people will criticize and try to discourage you mostly because it is so confronting to have someone go for their dreams when you have not followed yours. Society is hypercritical and small minded. As an entrepreneur, hang with others who are on similar paths as they get it, all others especially close family and friends come from “well-meaning fear” but they steal all our passion and juice and give our STUMPS ammunition. They are dream-stealers….avoid them as it takes too much energy to “defend” as you say. Trust me over time no one will get to you, as you don’t give them an inch, your vibration is so strong and sure, they feel it and buy in!

Good luck let us know how it goes!

The Incredible Rampage of Appreciation

I was thinking this week (I know it happens sporadically! Lol), how “appreciation” of everything, events, people and life is one of the most powerful vibrations we can access (and easiest from lower ones) . It is really strong in that it is grateful for what we already have (short-circuiting society’s do/have/consume more always!) and doesn’t ask for anything to change for us to be happy. It is impossible to be appreciative and sad at the same time!

As such, Abraham Hicks describes a great exercise called the “Rampage of Appreciation”. It really lifts our vibration and mood and really feels great!

Here’s how it’s done, I’ll use my dog Riplee as he is so easy to do (start with easy things/people/events until you get better at it!).

Example: Rampage of Appreciation for Riplee:

I love how he comes to bet with me in the morning and licks my face as I wake up!
He’s so cute when he gets excited about chasing a stick in the lake!
He’s always up to go outside for a run with me!
I love how his ears perk up when I say certain words!
He’s always overjoyed at my arrival and makes me feel so welcome!
He‘s so cute when he rolls around kicking all 4 of his paws in every direction!
He sleeps with his short tail close to his body.
He always smells so good, especially the pads under his feet!

SO there you have it.

Challenge: Find anything/anyone to really appreciate all that is great about it, let me know how you like/love it, it feels so good!

**************************************************************************************************************

My Father Was Never Good To Me

Question: My father was never really good to me, I was born the second child, I’m a woman, my father loved his firstborn, my sister but wanted a boy. I came along. Then finally his third child was a boy. He never abused me but never treated me well either compared to my older sister or younger brother. He lives far away overseas with my mom. I have guilt in that I want to “be a good daughter” and I know it hurts my mom that I don’t speak to him. Complicating things is my daughter who my dad loves. In terms of integrity I don’t want to play games and pretend I want to connect with my dad, any advice coach?                HB

Frank’s Answer:
As with all family issues this is complicated! The middle child complex is a well known one where the middle child feels left out or unimportant between the first child (everyone loves the first child) and the baby (babies yes!). Let me give it a crack. What I’m hearing is a conflict in important values that you have, both are very important and this is when it is challenging as you want to honor both but feel you can’t.

The first value you are trying to honor is “integrity” and/or fairness. By having little to no decent relationship with your dad, your fairness value and intuition tell you that you don’t owe him anything due to his weak efforts to be a great dad to you and clear preference for your two other siblings. You also want to be in integrity with a “rule” that you created a long time ago called “I must be a good daughter”. I assume this means having a normal relationship with dad.

The second value you are trying to honor is “family/connection”. This value tells you that you should do anything possible to maintain the family (it is also tied to the above “good daughter” rule”. There is an unmentioned but implied rule that you must stay connected no matter what (even trampling on your own needs to do it).

In terms of the Law of Attraction, you need to take care of your needs first to be able to hope to give to anyone else. You need to be “selfish” and really dig deep to see if your current attempts to be a “good daughter” trample your need to be a “happy person”. You moved overseas away from your parents, a good indication of your need for independence and freedom. It may also be an indicator that you want to move past that “old” life back home including your dad.

I believe since you are now a mother, you should do all in your power to ensure your issues with dad don’t impact your daughter’s need for her grandfather, as then you would have double guilt!

Guilt is a very low and toxic emotion, #21 on the Emotional Scale, it lingers and can cause cancer. As such, resolution is key here. You can continue with the “good daughter” shtick until it no longer feels right, which may be never. The fact is, your dad will probably never change and attempting to wish that or push him will never work. All you can do is focus on you, ask these questions.

1. Am I still a good person even if I don’t get along with dad

2. Am I willing to risk my self-confidence and self-worth by ignoring my “integrity” value?

3. How can I find a win-win scenario for myself where I honor my “mothering myself”, aka. protecting yourself from your dad’s absent or lacking love for you

4. How do I honor my daughter’s needs for her grandfather (if he shows love to her only)

5. How could I get my daughter to support me in whatever I choose.
I realize #5 can be challenging but, the best solutions come from unorthodox approaches, maybe her opinion will support you or give you new perspectives. Good luck!

 

The Cottage

Having had the pleasure of visiting my close friend Chris (thank you so much CP) up at a wonderful lakeside cottage up in Haliburton I thought I’d write my thoughts since return.

  1. I need a cottage! It reconnects me with nature and puts my crazy “do,do,do” lifestyle in perspective.
  2. My dog loves a lake to chase sticks and balls in!
  3. We don’t eat so well when there are chips, pop and beer around all the time!
  4. The stress of the big city is palpable upon arrival beginning with traffic
  5. People in the country are so laid back, it’s nice
  6. Swimming in a lake is still an amazing experience after many years absence
  7. Cool nights by a campfire rule
  8. A nice nap in a cool cottage afternoon is a blissful experience with little to do or complete
  9. Playing cards with friends connects deeply
  10. We worry much too much about things we have little to no control over
  11.  Coming back from a short 3 day vacation, it’s hard to restart the momentum we had, the mental, spiritual and physical adjustments can take a few days
  12. I’ve already made plans to go to another cottage in 2 weeks, darn, I think I have cottage fever                ********************************************************************************************************

“To Have Lived, Loved and Lost….”

    1. I was reading in a business weekly magazine about a man in Indiana who had risen to super rich status through the acquisition of multiple businesses in many industries. The story was about his stratospheric and rapid rise to the upper echelons of society where he supported many local politicians with substantial contributions.
       This man was also into partying, he would fly in 20-30  Playboy bunnies or other models to his estate and party hardy! He had over 30 luxury classic cars, a yacht etc. Finally it was all a ponzi/pyramid type of scheme and he got caught and is now living at his sisters’ house and is awaiting trial. They ask him at the end would you make the same choices again, and he answered, “definitely, not”.
      So he got caught doing illegal things and is now deep trouble. Let’s ignore for the sake of my argument the fact what he did was illegal as most of us would agree that’s wrong. What we do weakly is when we “say good for him” BECAUSE we are jealous of what he lived! He made a bad choice obviously but at least he dreamed and lived big, not playing small.
      What fascinates me is the angle that he lived for at least 5 years the life of opulence many (openly or secretly) dream of living but never will. Here is the question I posit to you:
      “Is it better to have lived like a king for a few years and then like a pauper, or is it better to just have an average and regular life but never have the crazy highs and lows this gentleman experienced?”
      I keep flipping back and forth but mostly end up on the side of really living full out (without crime of course!) as I have done with my (100% admittedly) unstable life path. Remember, I moved to California on a wing and a prayer just over 2 years ago!
      It harkens back to the classic adage, “Tis better to have loved and lost / Than never to have loved at all” by Alfred Lord Tenyson. Many people just decide it’s too much pain to love and risk our heart again and decide to either settle with a partner they don’t really love or never risk again.
       Life is about the connections we make and the growth we experience on whatever path we chose. Remember, “not choosing” is a choice and usually a poor one as it does not reward with any pleasure, or pain or experience. By not choosing, we refuse to go towards what our Most Brilliant Life calls us to  become. This “not going/risking” feels safe and protective but it is a lie and any time we don’t go to what we are called to become we die inside and shrivel up like a raisin (no offence to my good friend the raisin!).
       I may be in the minority, but I say live that life, take those chances, fall on your face, love, cry, laugh because that is what it is to be alive. It’s who you become when you keep getting back up and living a full life.
      THIS IS NOT A PRACTICE LIFE! LIVE IT LIKE YOU MEAN IT!
      ***************************************************************************************************

This Week : What Happened to Manners 1 and 2?

This week I will allow myself a short rant and rampage of frustration as I feel this needs to be said.

It has become increasingly clear to me lately that all this technology that “connects” us actually is creating a generation and world of surface and short term thinkers/doers.
Part 1
One of the first casualties to me seems to be manners and etiquette! I don’t know how many times a day someone is on their phone or listening to their I- ____ (insert device here) right in front of me in a doorway. They proceed to barely slip through the door not even looking back to see if maybe there is another person behind. So you have 500 friends on Facebook, did none of them ever talk about proper manners? I guess not,  integrity is a lost art form.

Here’s why this annoys me, not  for the reason you think I bet you!

It annoys me because it means so many other people are either like that or have given up even trying to educate the young people of today. It bugs me because that means that people either don’t EVEN KNOW what good manners are or worse they are so burned out in their life that they don’t care anymore. That would be sad. I hope I’m making too big a deal here, sadly I don’t think I am.

Part 2:  
Second example, driving. I don’t know how many times I’m waiting on the way to an off-ramp, and we are all waiting patiently for the line to move when a car comes cuts in front of everyone else and expects to get away with it. Two days ago on my motorcycle, I put my lion suit on just as it happened. The cab driver cuts in right in front of the car ahead of me. I cut ahead and tap on the window and say stop that! The car next to me gives me the thumbs up and I feel a small victory in that at least I spoke up! It felt good to express my indignation. I think it really gets my goat when someone thinks they are better than others when we all are unique and better than EVERYONE ELSE in the world at ONE thing! So we’re all equal.

Next time you see an act of manner-less selfishness, I dare you to set the person straight in some way, the world will be a better place if we all care just a lot more about this world!

**************************************************************************************************************

Sailing the High Seas of Relationship Ships!

Relationships in our lives can be likened to ocean going ships!

I’d like to thank Shawn Chance for the idea! The more I explore it the more I see incredible parallels. I thought I’d share some with you.

Parallel #1:  We start off as kids with very small, unstable ships that grow stronger over our lives as we gain maturity, intelligence, and most importantly experience. We stay in our “safe” harbor (our parent’s homes and financial and emotional safety) close to home until our early twenties in most cases.

Parallel #2:  We are looking to “sail” out of the harbor out into open water to explore this huge world (life) for the experience, joy, passion and adventure of living this incredible life. We live these lives we do in these perfect bodies able to sense, see, hear, feel, taste, smell and all the other feelings.

Parallel #3:  Soon we are making sure our ship (single life) is comfortable, fast, roomy and satisfying to sail. We upgrade it (education) and wash it (cleansing our souls as humans) and put additions (experiences) on and sail out of the harbor and off on adventure.

Parallel #4:  After a while of testing and exploring our ships’ limits and meeting random ships (dating) that share some small parts of our journeys. We then yearn to have a co-captain for our ship to share in the adventure, feel safer and enjoy new activities we did before (intimate committed love).

Parallel #5:  We begin visiting other ships that are also looking to partner for a committed joint journey. When we begin boarding strange ships we see interesting new layouts (personalities) but soon settle on what ship really catches our fancy. When we visit those ships we get to see how the crew (personality) works  and how the ship is built (body), it’s strengths and weaknesses, speed and comfort. After boarding many ships, we often realize after a few visits that the type of journey we are going on is not the type we prefer and/or the ship is not seaworthy (psychological limitations and baggage).

Parallel #6:  Soon as the two crews of our respective ships become one team (committed monogamous relationship) we yearn for a larger ship to be more comfortable. We then merge our ships together and sail the high seas. Enjoying the safety, wisdom and adventure of a large ship we often yearn for a full crew (children).

In going through this lens I’ve come to a few conclusions about my relationship history. I seem to have gone for the super fast and sexy, fun ships and found they were not long term material. From the ship falling apart (depression), to the ship finding another ship it would rather sail with (couple separation/destruction), to my own ship self-destructing.

I have never in the past been really attracted to particularly sturdy ships and it has cost me in terms of not having had a relationship with a true equal. My next joint ship will be solid, solvent,  seaworthy, playful, adventurous, passionate and well organized. Or maybe not and I just love shipwrecks for the fun of it. Oh well!

***************************************************************************************************

Better Life 2.0 : Top 10 : 2012 Edition!

Two weeks ago I mentioned not believing in New Year’s Resolutions. That doesn’t mean I don’t have areas I want to do even better in than 2011! I thought I’d share a few of mine, who knows they may connect or inspire some in you!

  1. Endeavour to leave all I meet a little happier or lighter than when I met them.
  2. Be even more meticulous with following through on commitments or number 3.
  3. Use my ability to say “NO, thank you” much more and not feel guilty speaking my truth (live authentic to my most brilliant self).
  4. Really spend my spare time doing things I love, be playful, NOT doing things out of obligation/guilt.
  5. Be more selfish, if I don’t take care of myself first I don’t have anything to give.
  6. Go for any and every opportunity or connection that sings to my heart, I hate regret.
  7. Allow all the abundance that is coming to flow without wondering when it will come.
  8. Make massive physical vibrancy, health and vitality a cornerstone of my experience.
  9. Live in the present moment as much as I can. The past is over (we can still find more empowering meanings to the past though). The future but a dream (and should be visualized at its most positive to attract it). All our power is in this moment right now. That’s why the present is a gift.
  10. Develop more high quality friendships while reducing/eliminating toxic relationships that don’t feed my growth in this life.

What will yours be?

Thank you to all of you who supported me in 2011, it means so much to me!

Happy New Year and may all your dreams come true and your life be an example for those around you in 2012.

Oh, Happy Birthday Mom! I love you!

**************************************************************************************************************

 

 

Back from Holiday Hell


Regular readers will confirm most of my newsletters are very positive and aimed at growth. I don’t complain much.

This week though I need to vent! I really hated the holidays this year. I won’t bore you with the gory personal details but I’m glad the holidays are over!

I was deluged with an overbooked schedule, too much concentration of family and issues don’t even mention the over-eating. Additionally the huge swath of 14 days (I thought I had) off felt busier than my normal busy weeks.

I don’t mind busy on my own projects, as that feeds me! Not so much on projects that depend on other people’s decisions or moods for task completion.

Remember: the definition of suffering is wasting precious mind energy on attempting to control anything outside ourselves.

Another annoyance was the fact I was trying to go down south solo over the break. Once the super-expensive ticket adds in the single supplement the price is north of $2,000.

I chose to buy myself the following things with the money I didn’t spend!:
Motorcycle Boots (this didn’t happen, but is now, April 26, 2012)
New motor for RC monster truck (new passion!)
Toaster Oven
Sunglasses (to replace last pair I wore for 4 weeks then crushed in my car’s trunk). (ditto boots)
Running Shoes (ditto sunglasses)
Self-Publishing fee for “Cobra in the Closet”
Pay creative designer for rebrand to new logo concept
“                                    “      website creation

As you can see, I won’t be sporting a tan but will have well distributed the “I would have spent” money.

How about you buy yourself some gifts if Santa wasn’t on course for you this year (mine was great btw!!!).

*************************************************************************************************************

Embracing “Real” (not Hollywood) Courage

I find courage is often misunderstood. Most people equate courage to bravery. While it can be, more often I belies it is a quiet strength. I believe the media often confuses us with extreme feats in the face of once in a life time events or not at all.

What about a mother’s courage to provide for her kids every single day of 20 odd years?
What of the courage of a disabled person to continue living even in a severely different way?
And  the courage to leave a bad job/ relationship for reasons only you can understand?
How about the courage to quit a perfectly “good” job to strike out on your own and follow what makes your heart sing, even if you have no idea when/if the money will come.

I am convinced that courage is built in small increments.
Begin with small but certain acts of courage such as:

The courage to listen to your heart
The courage to say no
The courage to be yourself despite criticism and judgments of others (a person in Joy/Appreciation/Empowerment/Love Freedom would never criticize others).
The courage to get back up when you make mistakes or fall flat on your face MANY times….

Courage is a Muscle if you don’t use it you’ll lose it!
Worse, you will live a shadow of the life you were meant to live.

By living small (or inauthentically) you rob the world (and your Most Brilliant Self) of what it needs: huge growth and change.

I challenge you to push and strengthen your courage muscle! Your life will thank you!
Oh yes above all, have fun!

**********************************************************************************************************