Getting Yourself Out of the “Bad Feelings are Wrong” Mind Trap

This article is derived from a great book, “Get Out of Your Own Way” by Dr. Tom Rusk
We all have times when we feel bad. When we are below the #8 (Boredom) on the emotional scale. Feeling bad can mean we feel fearful, powerless, depressed, jealous, grieving, angry, pessimistic, worried, blaming.  These emotions don’t feel good, far from it. Worse yet is we usually make ourselves wrong for feeling bad too! So we feel bad, and feel worse about feeling bad.

We have grown up in a world where we have to justify why we feel bad, thus making it a shameful emotion to be avoided, except we can’t Not feel bad, that would mean we have lost all our feelings. Our feelings are guides and signals to us that we are not living our truth and are “playing small”.

The fields of psychology and psychiatry have done us a grave disservice in separating feelings out of their trades. It makes sense as feelings are messy and difficult to put a label on.

Bad Feelings show us where our spirit is in pain 

To find your way out Dr. Rusk suggests the following attitude.

“If I hope to be loved  and loving, to discover and develop my talents and to find meaningful ways to use my time. i must stay attuned to my spirit and allow it to guide me in my decisions. That means paying close attention  to my feelings, because they are the medium through which my spirit is revealed to me.

I’m going to stop seeing myself as defective when I feel bad. Instead I’m going to try to figure out why my spirit is in pain. keeping a notebook and writing down what I’m feeling when I have strong feelings can help me learn to understand what my feelings are telling me.”

This is pretty deep and I find it very comforting and loving to our inner child who is afraid and small. We all need to be more empathetic and less judgmental of our feelings (especially those that feel bad).

**********************************************************************************************************************

Assertiveness: Your Rights and Responsabilities

 Assertiveness: Your Rights and Responsabilities
To be assertive you need to believe in both a) your individual rights and b) the rights of others. This balance is shown below, rights are standard  and responsabilities italics. As you read these, check statements that make you uncomfortable or which DO NOT reflect your normal behavior. This is from the United Nations.
If you are not assertive memorize the 1st ones, if you are aggressive memorize the 2nd ones.
  • I have the right to be treated with dignity and respect.
        I have the responsability to treat others with the same dignity and respect I desire from them.
  • I have the right to decide what is best for me.
         I have the responsability to allow others to decide what is best for them.
  • I have the right to have and express my own feelings and opinions.
        I have the responsabilty to express those feelings and opinions in a way that does not insult or put others down.
  • I have the right to ask for what I want and need.
        I have the responsability to allow others to refuse my request even though I don’t like to be refused.
  •  I have the right to say “NO” without feeling guilty.
         I have the responsability to allow others the right to say “NO”
  • I have the right to be listened to and taken seriously.
        I have the responsability to listen to others and take them seriously 
  •  I have the right to make mistakes.
         I have the responsability to accept the consequences of those mistakes. 
  • I have the right to all my human weaknesses and limitations without guilt or shame.
        I have the responsability to allow others their weaknesses without ridiculing or resenting them.
  •  I have the right to do what is necessary to protect my physical and mental health even though this sometimes requires non-assertive or aggressive  behavior and discomforting of others.
         I have the responsability to do this in a way that causes the least amount of harm to both myself and others.
       
**********************************************************************************************************************

Defeating Depression: Two Wolves

Defeating Depression: Two Wolves Fighting
We have a mind whose scope and magnitude have NEVER been tested. Used correctly our minds are amazing instruments of power that can transform our lives once we learn to harness them.
Negative thoughts are like a cancer as they attract other negative thoughts, which destroy success vibration.
There is a great Native American story of a grandfather speaking to his young grandson who is learning his way in the world. The grandfather says,

“Imagine 2 wolves. They are fighting a great battle in your mind. One wolf, the good wolf, represents courage, love integrity, grit and compassion. The other wolf represents fear, hatred, dishonesty, weakness and heartlessness. the fight continues until one wolf wins.”

The grandson, curious, asks, “Which wolf wins the battle?”

The grandfather smiles and answers, “Whichever wolf you FEED.”  

If you feed your anger and sadness, you will create more anger and sadness. If you feed your love and courage, that is what you will get.

*************************************************************************************************************************

“The Black Door”

This week I thought a short story and analogy would best summarize the decisions most people make between fear and freedom, they choose fear and its tragic.

In a far-off land there once was a general that captured a spy. The spy was to be killed by firing squad for the crimes he committed against the country.

As the firing squad was ready to implement its deadly duty the general went to privately speak to the spy.

The general said to the spy, “You have 2 options, 1) you can be killed by the firing squad or 2) you can choose to go through the black door.”

The spy hemmed and hawwed in agony at this final bit of torture. But he was already resigned to his death and said to the general “I choose the firing squad”

The firing squad did it’s grim task and fired and kill the spy. The general’s aid came up to the general and said to him, “General, what was behind the black door?”

The general replied, “Behind the black door was freedom. You see most people are more afraid of the unknown than anything else. What is known even if it is horrible and deadly is often better than the unknown for most people”

We get so comfortable in our lives even if they are toxic and deadly and painful to us we often choose to stay with the unacceptable rather than the unknown.

Instead of making choices to be free how many black doors to freedom have you ignored or chosen not to look for?

How much smaller is your life because of it?

I dare you to choose the unknown, push yourself try different things get out of your comfort zone just because it’s comfortable doesn’t mean it’s right it’s just familiar. if you need my help as a Life Coach, reach out.

Your life will thank you.

**************************************************************************************************************

Social Media = Relationships “Light”

In this day and age most people can’t go 2 hours without the smartphone or any of the forms of social media (I won’t mention their names as their lawyer budget beats mine!) as their electronic soother!

I thought for my piece this week I would look at some of the challenges of communications that we are experiencing society today.

Let’s look at the book of faces for a moment. What is it?

When’s last time your car broke down the side of the road and you were able to connect with somebody on the book of faces to help you? Not often right?

This is not to say that social media doesn’t have any uses especially for those geographically separated by great distances.

However in my humble opinion these tools are used as a tool to manage risk of exposure to relationships. We control how much of a person we connect with and when. These have very little to do with the real face-to-face interaction of a traditional functional relationship.

We are becoming a society of people who don’t know how to relate to each other with problems spanning all life areas. We are seeing an unwillingness (and worse) an inability of young folks to have full relationships that include the inconveniences of being present.

We live in a time when social media has given us promise of being more and more connected with everyone. What I’ve noticed is more people that are more lonely and isolated. people who are so “busy” doing very little of true importance in their life. A life of significance is a life where we push ourselves and do what’s important and often it’s not at the end of an electronic tether. I met someone last week who had closed his book of faces for a week and he mentioned how liberated and free and productive he was. Over the last 2 months i have been involved in a business requiring face to face and phone meetings, the quality and experiences have been incredible.

So how to do we be constructive about this ?

Limit your time using the social media. You control the time when you want to interact with it and HOW. Turn off the aspects of it that send you emails every time somebody makes a comment. many these conversations are really self focused, selfish, trivial and all about glorifying a life that often is less than average.

A life of significance requires real presence and humanity.

I dare you to take a 1 week hiatus from social media, who knows you may never come back! See you in the flesh!

**************************************************************************************************************

Characteristics of High Performance People

High performance performance People are/have: 
1. A clear picture/vision/purpose of what they want to achieve. A great vision helps other people it is not self-centered.
2. Develop an attitude that it will work out the way they imagine it will. They expect to win! They see/feel themselves winning and practice that visualization consistently.
3. They serve others, it’s not just about themselves. They realize that to have a goal greater than themselves feeds them. To contribute to the greater good is more important than their personal gain.
4. They do not calculate “how much” they give or expect in return.They give because it is their fuel. They give because they are so full of passion, joy and appreciation. If someone fails to return the generosity, they don’t take it personally.5. They have a tireless and joyful work ethic. They enjoy what they spend long hours doing and they are great at it because of it.
6. They do it now. They realize that a job done now imperfectly beats a “perfectly done” effort next week. They realize that:
“You miss 100% of the shots you don’t take” –Wayne Gretzky
7. They fail a lot because they take a lot of chances. They learn from every failure and improve their skills (sharpen their axe).
**************************************************************************************************************

High Potential Underachievers VS Achievers

Via my incredible membership with my private success club I came across some incredible information this week I couldn’t wait to share with you. If you want more info. On joining the club, drop me an email.

After 6 years of studying the most successful people on the planet, here is some incredible information, I dare you to look at yourself and see your truth.

The study looked at High Potential Underachievers vs Achievers. Here’s the skinny….

Print it and put it on your Vision Board (you have one right?!)

****

High Potential Under-Achievers (What NOT to do)

5 Characteristics:

Procrastinate:  Spend their type paralyzed and analyzing. THEY DON’T ACT. 

Wide Swings of Mood and Self-esteem: Unfocussed

Difficulty in making decisions: Or undo/doubt when they take decisions

Fear of Disappointment: Of themselves and others. Put others’ opinions above their dreams, hide from life.

Dream Big and Never Follow Through:  Can’t pull the trigger.

Underachievers Quit, Achievers Complete.

Now here is what you want, remember 6 studies/research of Performance and Behavior:

Achievers Profile

“An Indestructible Personality”:  Refuse to give up. Will not be denied or stopped no matter what.

More “At Bats”:  Talk to more people, make more calls. “Eat problems for breakfast” . “You miss 100% of the shots you don’t take.” – Wayne Gretzky 

Unshakeable Belief in your dream: Sturdy resilience and unrelenting courage. Chart their success.

Attitude Support:  Keep a positive mindset. Whenever you are above 85% of your thoughts being positive you have a CHANCE at success. Not before.

Mega-Achievers:  Are not Lone Wolves, they are relational.  You need to give to receive. Give from the heart.

****

Secular Shift

As the end of the year approaches, many people have asked me if I think the apocalypse is coming in a little over one month. Let me be clear here, I don’t have a crystal ball, and I’m not even 100% sure how to spell Nostradamus. Additionally, the Mayan calendar is Greek to me. That said, I do have some ideas.
Firstly, the “end-of-the world” thinking comes from extreme paranoia which is amplified and concentrated fear (#22 on the emotional scale). This is not a perspective we should spend much time in if we want to live happily and attract great thoughts, people and events.

Secondly, remember that focusing our energies and thoughts on things we don’t control is the definition of suffering. Additionally it is an excuse to stop focusing what we DO control, our thoughts and actions. No one else’s.

Most spiritual people I’ve discussed this with agree that what is actually happening (and it’s a very GOOD thing unlike what the media peddles) is that there is a secular shift in our thinking and living. Many of the existing institutions that so many have lived their lives by are simply not working for them anymore. A consumption-focused, media-driven and capitalistic lifestyle tends to be ego driven, unsustainable and supports false (base) values. There is a very large transition towards thinking in terms of sustainable environments, growth and ways of living. A consciousness shift is happening and accelerating, and it’s great.

Lastly, if it will be the end of the world, let’s make this last month count and live it as if it’s not a practice life (the theme of my new book, “Live It!”). I watched the movie “Seeking a Friend for the End of the World” which shows what happens when most rules and accountability are removed (in this case due to the impending asteroid about to destroy earth).  The movie shows both extremes (it is Hollywood after all!).
Forget the end of the world, it’s just another excuse to NOT focus on what you really want , desire and manifest for yourself.

Living The Law of Attraction : “I want Horses!”

Thank You to all the veterans who have made our lives better!

Frank Update:

It’s been an incredible week for me as my baby book “Live It!” is now available in 6 Toronto books stores and I have my first book signing scheduled for Friday February 1st at Origo Books, 49 Lower Jarvis Street. I couldn’t have done it without the undying support and unwavering commitment of Cindy my girlfriend and rock. Thanks my sweet angel! This week I will be listing the book through Bookmasters for comprehensive U.S. distribution.

Living the Law of Attraction : “I Want Horses!”

           Every once in a while a personal story deeply cements and confirms the unlimited power and unlimited scope of the Law of Attraction (as I often remind people, “all limitations are in our heads, the universe knows no such limits.”). The following story was told to me by a close friend who is as powerful a manifester as I know (she manifested me in her life too! Lol!). Thank you Catherine for allowing me to share this incredible story. Every item in this story is 100% true!

In the early 90’s, Catherine was living in the San Diego area. She was looking to relax and enjoy life for a while between major work and life projects. Catherine started thinking and feeling (in a child like, “I want his!” the following: “I want horses, they seem amazing!” Catherine had never even ridden a horse!

She imagined what it would be like to ride horses and be around their equine magnificence. She didn’t focus on “HOW” or “WHEN” this would happen (unlike most who don’t understand that the universe can give you “what you want, or BETTER!” ). She simply allowed the dream to warm her up and felt great about it.

Within 3 weeks at a business social event on Catalina Island, Catherine met a gentleman who had 2 beautiful show Arabian horses. Catherine and the gentleman gleefully discussed horses and he invited her up to ride a horse at his ranch in northern California. He sent her an airplane ticket and Catherine visited and loved the horses. As the day drew to a close the following conversation occurred between the horse owner and Catherine:

Horse Owner: “How do you like the horses?”

Catherine:  “I love them!!!’

Horse Owner: “My wife and I are going overseas and we want a good home for our 2 horses. Would you like to have them?”

Catherine:  “Of course, but I don’t have any gear!”

Horse Owner:  “Oh don’t worry about that, I’ll give you all the saddles, bridles and gear, everything you and they will need.”

Catherine: “Great! Wow! But I don’t have a trailer!”

Horse Owner: “Of course, not a problem, I’ll give you their trailer!”

Catherine: “Really, wow! I don’t have a car big enough to pull that big trailer.”

Horse Owner: “Not an issue. I’m giving you the truck to pull the trailer and horses.”

 Catherine had manifested 2 gorgeous Arabian show horses, all their gear and a trailer and truck! Absolutely impossible unless you understand that the Universe has no limits.

Catherine found a ranch less than a mile from where she lived and enjoyed the horses for almost 5 years. Then some family issues forced her to move back to Toronto. She visualized a wonderful home for the horses in the same feeling (remember thoughts that are “emotionalized are magnetized”). Within days a young couple knocked at the door and bought the horses for their parents’ retirement gift.

What a story! The Law of Attraction knows no limits in terms of time, scope and size or dollar amount. Catherine simply felt the joy of horses and the Universe delivered something a million times bigger and better than if she had focused specifically only on, “I want to ride a horse”.

***************************************************************************************************************

“Why Wait Until They Die?”

Happy Halloween to everyone! May that be the only day a year you wear a mask of inauthenticity!

As I was at the gym this week I saw a funeral on television. As the procession advanced, the commentators were piling on the positive achievements and community impact of the gentleman in question.

It occurred to me that many people save all the great things they should tell others for after the person’s death. Now I know this may seem a little extreme, but really, is it?

Other than graduations, weddings and major career promotions, when do we tell the important people around us how much they mean to us? How often do we allow are ego (fear) stop us from telling our loved ones, friends and business partners how important they are in our lives and how amazing they are. I’ve been on this wavelength lately,

I’ve become quite complimentary and upbeat with EVERYONE I meet. From the gentleman and ladies who dutifully clean the lobby every morning as I go for a run. To anyone at any store I go to, anyone in the elevator, people are everywhere and I make it my duty to leave them somehow more joyful and appreciated. Don’t think for a second I am only doing it for them as I get just as much or more out of it than they do.

It’s astonishing (and so sad) how few people actually do walk through life in pure joy and appreciation (children and pets excluded as they know how and chose to feel good all the time).

These vibrations (joy/love/empowerment/freedom/appreciation) are #1 at the top of the emotional scale.

By feeling that good (not waiting for “good” things to happen to you before you are joyful) all the time you attract people, experiences and events that feel that good, this creates a “virtuous” circle. That is all you need to remember to tap into the most senior of all physical laws: the Law of Attraction. The same way the Law of Lift Supercedes the Law of Gravity (otherwise birds and planes wouldn’t fly!), whether you believe in the LoA or not doesn’t change that it works. The same way you don’t need to believe in gravity for it to work.

I dare you this week to shine a ray of sunshine and joy on everyone you meet, you will make their day. You may also make your own!

**************************************************************************************************************