“It’s Off My Radar Screen”

If we liken our lives and events in our lives as all occurring on a large 100 meter (300 feet) radius. Our visibility at any time is like a fog-induced 10 foot radius around us.

This is important as we all know hindsight is 20/20. How many times do you look back at events in your life and see that something/someone completely unseen and unplanned came into your life (on your radar) and created a chain event that transformed your life path completely.

The event was “off your radar” but found its way to you because of the vibration you were putting out to the universe. Thoughts are vibrational energy and bring people and events into your radar from “off your radar”. These are far from “random” events, you attracted them with your thoughts. Remember, we become and experience what we think of most of the time.

How to use this:  Most people spend their lives worrying about what is in the 10 feet around them, (on their radar). They see career/work problems, relationship issues, health concerns, etcetera, etcetera. This attracts more issues, people and circumstances that match worry/fear.  A better approach would be to say and believe, “Right now I can’t see how X will be resolved, it’s off my radar, but I know a solution will come!”

This is powerful because a) it makes you feel better,  which attracts what you want, b) it allows you to believe the world is benevolent (not fearful) and will bring you the best, so you are happier which brings more great things.

I urge you to begin admitting you HAVE NO/ZERO idea what’s coming, it’s off your radar.

Here’s an example from my life. Two weeks ago a very important person to create my success was very much unknown to me, off my radar. I went out on a Saturday night on a feeling I had to go out even though I was comfy on the couch with my love. We met an amazing couple we are having lunch with this weekend. The gentleman was a powerful business person from Dubai franchising businesses here in North America. He referred me to someone who really “gets” what I am all about and has a burning desire to help me succeed. Not only that he is an amazing person that I really like. I’ll tell you more about him soon.

You and I are not that smart that we know what is coming, even if you can’t see how something will work out, keep the faith (#4 on the ES), a solution is on your radar screen of you are feeling good. Your only job: feel good all the time.

Additionally, if you are looking for an opportunity that allows you to learn and share great information like this, we should talk, I am surrounded by some amazingly helpful people.

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Syncronicity

From the very knowledgeable Wikipedia (how did we live without it!?):

Synchronicity is the experience of two or more events that are apparently causally unrelated or unlikely to occur together by chance, yet are experienced as occurring together in a meaningful manner.

When we are vibrating at very high levels (#4 to #1 on the Emotional Scale:  #4, Positive Expectation or belief, faith, #3: Enthusiasm/Eagerness/Happiness, #2: Passion, #1: Appreciation/Empowerment/Freedom/Joy/Love) seemingly “magical” events, people and circumstances occur. Statistically highly improbable events keep happening.To those around us it seems absolutely outlandish. To those regularly at those emotional levels they begin to seem like “life as normal”. Here are a few examples:

1. I am helping a client launch a global women’s support and help group with a very particular name, a name you rarely hear. As I was working with another client I dug up a sheet from 4 years ago describing just that term. I am pretty confident I never saw that sheet in my binder in that long. I am thrilled, enthused and passionate about supporting this.

2.       At the Midnight in Paris (http://www.meetup.com/Midnight-in-Paris/) event two weekends ago, Paul was playing one of his 80’s personally composed songs on the piano beautifully (passion, freedom, joy). He could not hear the radio, but a few of us others could. His piano playing over those 5-8 minutes seemed to perfectly fit in with a random song on the radio, very freaky. We asked him after if he was matching the music playing and he looked at us blankly, “What music, this is my song!” When we told him he said at a cottage once he was playing music and the crickets began chirping in harmony. Mother nature knows a good thing when she hears it!

 3.       About a month ago I sent my beloved to get some popcorn, Nibs and Coke (I have junk cravings too!!!). She was chatting happily with people in line. As it came to her turn, she went to pay and the cashier said, “It’s been paid for, the people before you gave me $25 and said to pay for your stuff and to keep the change as a tip!” Pay it forward anyone?

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A Comparison of Successful People and Unsuccessful People

As fall begins it’s time to refocus and be better at everything! A great friend and business partner sent me this and I completely concur, thanks Rabia! I’m unsure of the source. print it off so you can see it, mine is going on my vision wall! i’ve added the Emotional Scale emotions for clarity (remember any emotion above #8 feels good and attracts abundance, and below #8 feels bad attracts scarcity .

Successful People                                                                            Unsuccessful People
Have a sense of gratitude (appreciation, #1 on the ES)        Have a sense of entitlement
Forgive others                                                                                        Hold a grudge
Give others credit for their victories                                             Take all the credit for their victories
Accept responsibility for their failures                                         Blame (#15 on the ES) others for their failures
Compliment (appreciation, #1 ont he ES)                                    Criticize (#20 Jealousy on the ES)
Read (Empowerment, #1 on the ES) everyday                          Watch TV (scarcity perspective) everyday
Keep a journal                                                                                          Say they keep a journal but really don’t
Talk about ideas                                                                                      Talk about people
Want others to succeed (Hopefulness, #6 on the ES)             Secretly hope others fail
Share information and data                                                               Horde information and data
Keep a “to-be” list                                                                                  Don’t know what they want to be
Exude joy (Joy, #1 on the ES)                                                           Exude anger (Anger is #17 on the ES)
Keep a “to-do” project list  (Eagerness/Enthusiasm #3)       Fly by the seat of their pants
Set goals and develop life plans                                                        Never set goals (to avoid failing)
Continuously learn (always open)                                                  Think they know it all (always closed)
Embrace Change                                                                                     Fear change
Transformational perspective (“what can i contribute?”)     Transactional perspective (“what can i get?”)

Which are you mostly?

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The Crying Games (Olympics Edition)

                       I’m not going to lie, I’m an Olympics junkie, there, I said it. From when I was a child and the Olympics came to Montreal in 1976 I have had a fascination with the level of competition, camaraderie, come-from-behind human stories and pageantry that is the Olympics.

                      At my high school the Olympiads were a great time for me even thought I wasn’t the fastest or strongest but always gave my all. I used to dig long jump pits in the back yard and dream of beating Bob Beamon’s incredible 29 foot record.

                      So this week as I was feverishly putting the final touches on “Live-It” I was watching all the events with moderate to high interest. Truth be told, the Track and Field events are by far my favorite (they begin Saturday Aug. 4th). Still, I was hooked.

                       Particularly on Wednesday night when the men’s 2000 meter 8’s rowing was on, Canada was in 4th place for the first ¾ of the race. Then at the 1500 meter mark, they hit the turbo boosters and moved up to finish in 2nd place for the Silver medal.

                       I was literally crying of joy as the emotion of the team and the power of their teamwork and resolve pushed them to the podium finish. I was imagining what it would be like to train day in and day out in the heat, cold and dampness day after day, week after week, month after month and year after year and then be in “the race”. The race against all the best in the world, knowing I was also one of the best in the world. Wow! Exhilaration, pride, joy, appreciation, freedom and empowerment would course through my veins. All these emotions are the best we can ever feel (All #1 on the Emotional Scale).

                      Then my STUMPS showed up, he pointed out the irony of my sitting on my couch alone crying at the performance of a bunch of strangers I don’t even know. I told him to be quiet and enjoyed that release that comes from bawling your eyes out from joy. You should try it, all you have to worry about is having a box of tissues and your ego-based pride judging you. I say go for it, get into that incredible vibration of pure emotions. Once every 4 years this happens, there is still 1 week, don’t miss it! Who knows you may enjoy the crying games!

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How to Get Market/Date Ready

Reader Question

This week, I thought I’d share a question I answered for one of our readers.

QUESTION: “I’m still upset/heartbroken over my past relationship(s). How (and when?) do I get “market-ready” to date?” JC

Frank: The simple answer JC, you’re ready when you are ready! What’s the rush anyway? That being said, everyone is different. You are ready when the idea of going out with someone new is very appealing. Too many people the fear being alone and then start dating coming from a lacking place. Anything coming from fear/lack is not a good perspective and will attract other fearful/lacking people.

When you’ve done some inner work towards getting to know and love yourself you will be ready. Many people don’t love (or even like) themselves and look to a relationship to fill up what they are missing. Two low self-esteem people do not a good couple make! Inadequate + inadequate = More inadequate! And they trigger each other’s unresolved “baggage” together making a mess.

When you become single after a relationship (never mind a heartbreaker!) you need time to get to know what the new (and improved), latest version of you likes and wants. Many people right out of a relationship feel rejected, dejected, unworthy (unworthiness is #21 on the ES). They feel less than complete and feel lost. A good way to soften is to look for all the gifts the relationship gave you, who YOU became because of it. You are VERY aware of what didn’t work, flip that around to what you do want. So, if you felt your last partner was “controlling”, you could say, “I’m looking for someone who values freedom (#1 on the ES) as I do.”

A certain amount of grieving must occur to process the emotions. Be gentle and enjoy exploring your “new” very different life. Reconnect to old and make new friends and hobbies/passions. Don’t look immediately for a partner as then the dreaded “rebound” relationships occur. Do the right thing and take some time to be curious about all that is possible. Most people look at what they lost instead of what they gained from their separation. When coming from lack you attract others in lack.

Good luck and please let us know how it goes!  

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Get Some Bugs in Your Teeth!

       As I drove my amazing and beautiful dog (Riplee) to the groomer yesterday, he did what he always does on any and ALL car rides. He gets all excited and sits next to the rear door window and puts his head out of the car as we zoom around city and highway. If you’ve seen the movie “Ted” my conversation with him below will seem similar…lol!

I had an imaginary conversation with him and thought it might give you some insight! Enjoy!

Frank: “Riplee why do you put your head outside the car while it’s moving?”

Riplee: “Woof!”then, “I love it because it feels like I’m flying! Also, I get to see the world zoom by! It’s really exhilarating and makes me feel alive and like when I was a pup!”

Frank: “But, isn’t it dangerous?”

Riplee: “Not really, I have good balance and only my head and neck are out. Besides even if it is the thrill is worth it! I’m also so excited because I know we are going somewhere and no matter where that is I will have a blast as people fawn all over me because I’m really cute!”

Frank:  “What about the wind, doesn’t dry your eyes?”

Riplee: “Yes, that’s why I pop into the car then put my head out of the sunroof to change things up!”

Frank:  “What about bugs hitting you?”

Riplee: “Couldn’t care less, it’s soooo fun to ride! People always point and smile at how much fun I’m having! I especially love the squealing little boys and girls, they don’t hold back and show their full appreciation!”

Frank:  “Wow, that sounds so fun, here, you drive, I want to try it too!!!!”

Riplee: “No way, sucker, YOU’RE MY DRIVER!”

Life is short, get some (metaphorical) bugs in your teeth this week, I double-dare you!

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Take That Shot!

In searching for a topic worthy of the newsletter this week, I borrowed from my newest book all about not only accepting but embracing your truest self, warts and all. It is called “Take It! Living and Loving a Courageously Authentic Life.” Which will be available nationwide in September.

Wayne Gretzky (hockey Hall of Famer widely considered one of the best hockey players to ever live) said, “You miss 100% of the shots you don’t take”. It seems so obvious in sports but is also extremely applicable to our lives. What are the devastating and life-limiting side-effects of NOT TAKING (ANY?) SHOTS?

THE COSTS OF NOT TAKING A SHOT

  1. You miss all the opportunities (because you chose not to take a shot)
  2. You miss the learning and growth of trying, failing and persevering to take shots.
  3. Your ego gets to smugly hide behind a carefully crafted lie, “If we did try we would succeed!”
  4. The world doesn’t get the benefit of your “shot”, whatever the impact that would be it is certainly more than not doing anything.
  5. You don’t inspire anyone else to take shots around you. Those who regularly go for it inspire others by their actions (the main concept in Take-It!).

“Be the change you want to in the world.”  Ghandi

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Summer 2012: Your Best Ever!

As I was preparing my men’s circle last week I created a few questions to get the men pumped up about their summer of 2012. Well, we are 2 days in with 88 days to go and what will you do to make this a summer to end all summers?

            When I coach, I often use little “tricks” (techniques) to shift the perspective of my clients, which allows them to come up with new, fresher and more empowering viewpoints on their existing challenges. One of those is the future or past time warp where I have them see their situation from the future as if it has already happened.

Here is the question I had them share with the group, I urge you to try it yourself!

“It is September 1st, 2012 and the summer of 2012 turned out to be my best summer ever! I really grabbed my life and did _________________ and  _____________________ and ________________ and __________________ . I also visited ________________ and _________________ .

I had 2 major challenges this summer, _______________________ and ____________________ . I overcame these challenges by _______________________.

I’m really proud of myself.”

 

Hopefully that really brought you some clarity and inspiration in terms of what you want for yourself this summer. All I will add is have fun, the summer solstice is but a brief visitor! Have a great summer.

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Cutting the Cord & Less IS More

     Last weekend was a new experience for me as I rode my motorcycle on roads that tore the Northern Alleghany Forest in Pennsylvania mountains to ribbons in the company of my equally motorcycle-crazy cousin. Little to no traffic (the area is 3 hours from any major cities and has little to offer the cottaging crowd) made this a mecca for motorized 2-wheel exploration. The people we met were all exceedingly friendly and helpful, very nice. The 3 days communing with nature on my trusted mechanical steed opened a whole new world for me that I want to explore more, MUCH more(Passion, #2 on the Emotional Scale).
I turned my mobile phone off Friday and opened it late Sunday, and my world didn’t crumble! LOL! Being away from my regular life circumstances, people and activities was an alluring and intoxicating elixir allowing me to see what is important more clearly. I made a commitment to my self to do it more often and differently each time. This world is a big

What is your getaway from the everyday (sounds like an ad :)) that allows you to gain perspective in your life? Cut the cord, less is more!

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“Smooth” is For Scotch and Skin . Not Life!


             This week was full of contrasts (contrast is an Abraham Hicks term for “feeling down”, (it also signifies the differences between the emotions) that challenged me but ultimately made me stronger. One of the days was a classic, “Everything that can possibly wrong will” type of day. It culminated with the forgetting and loss of my cell phone.

           The next day was the complete opposite where “Everything I touched turned to gold” I feel I had 100% responsibility in both. When we are down (#9-#22 on the ES) we attract other “down ” thoughts, ideas and experiences. when we are up we attract great ideas people and circumstances.

            Most people’s objective/goal in life is to have a “smooth” life, one in which there isn’t much turbulence or massive up and down swings. What could be better than a smooth life right? Having this approach to life is impossible for the simple reason that life is filled with uncertainty, variety and complexities. To use a metaphor, life is like the ocean. An ocean is powerful, stable, serene, filled with abundance but also has nasty storms, currents and waves that can crush weak ships.

Those people who attempt (it’s impossible!) to live a “smooth life” without too many contrasts often end up much more often “crushed to pieces” by the ocean which doesn’t play by “their” rules.  Life can throw you a multi-million dollar lottery ticket, a surprise and wanted baby, a divorce, deadly disease and a friend’s passing all in the same breath all on a sunny day.

What to do? The first step is to be realistic that life is an ocean and that the objective is to live with full freedom, passion and joy (this means building a ship (life) able to maneuver and handle the turbulence. The only way to do that is to enjoy the voyage by living passionately. Realizing that the contrasts are what make life so breath taking. You couldn’t enjoy the highs if there weren’t lows. Life is also like the ocean in that it has cycles and seasons. I believe our passions and passion for life help us ride out the storms and enjoy the placid days equally. What will you do to prepare your “life” ship for the reality of life’s ocean? Realizing that life is a wild ride is half the battle!

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