How to Get Market/Date Ready

Reader Question

This week, I thought I’d share a question I answered for one of our readers.

QUESTION: “I’m still upset/heartbroken over my past relationship(s). How (and when?) do I get “market-ready” to date?” JC

Frank: The simple answer JC, you’re ready when you are ready! What’s the rush anyway? That being said, everyone is different. You are ready when the idea of going out with someone new is very appealing. Too many people the fear being alone and then start dating coming from a lacking place. Anything coming from fear/lack is not a good perspective and will attract other fearful/lacking people.

When you’ve done some inner work towards getting to know and love yourself you will be ready. Many people don’t love (or even like) themselves and look to a relationship to fill up what they are missing. Two low self-esteem people do not a good couple make! Inadequate + inadequate = More inadequate! And they trigger each other’s unresolved “baggage” together making a mess.

When you become single after a relationship (never mind a heartbreaker!) you need time to get to know what the new (and improved), latest version of you likes and wants. Many people right out of a relationship feel rejected, dejected, unworthy (unworthiness is #21 on the ES). They feel less than complete and feel lost. A good way to soften is to look for all the gifts the relationship gave you, who YOU became because of it. You are VERY aware of what didn’t work, flip that around to what you do want. So, if you felt your last partner was “controlling”, you could say, “I’m looking for someone who values freedom (#1 on the ES) as I do.”

A certain amount of grieving must occur to process the emotions. Be gentle and enjoy exploring your “new” very different life. Reconnect to old and make new friends and hobbies/passions. Don’t look immediately for a partner as then the dreaded “rebound” relationships occur. Do the right thing and take some time to be curious about all that is possible. Most people look at what they lost instead of what they gained from their separation. When coming from lack you attract others in lack.

Good luck and please let us know how it goes!  

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Move on Or Stay?

Question:  My partner and I don’t seem to connect anymore. What should/can I can do, or is it just time to move on/leave?

Frank’s Answer:  It’s too easy to only blame the other person. A better way to approach this is to look at if you are happy with who you are being in the relationship? If yes, then you need to get clear if both your paths are still aligned. I find values a strong predictor of relationship success. Not carbon copy values, but enough commonalities so you feel you share similar views on life’s major areas. At least have respect for each other.

If respect is gone and resentment has settled in and you no longer have more good times than bad, then re-evaluate if this fits YOUR minimum relationship expectations (what you would minimally want in a new partner). If not, being single (a little lonely at first but also excitement of potential new mate) is always better than in a bad relationship (feeling alone with a partner).

Communication is key here, you want to explore the topic in a courageously authentic fashion so you are transparent and are not holding any important facts or feelings back from your partner. Once you take responsibility for your inputs of the relationship and communicate clearly, then the right decision will become clearer. Until honest dialogue happens both partners may be operating from false/mistaken assumptions about the other. Clarity brings conscious choice.

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3 Questions to Ask Yourself When Others Doubt Your Small Business

      In the theme of my upcoming seminar on “Expanding Your Business and Prosper” this week I share with you some questions to ask yourself when others doubt you (I know that never happens to YOU right? Haha!1.    How might you be doubting yourself?It’s always easier to blame others, the government, the economy, the competition than looking into ourselves. Focus on what you can control (what YOU do, not anyone outside you). Be honest with yourself, do you really believe in yourself and what you are doing? Is your mission powerful and inspirational for you and others. A weak mission statement can really hurt you and your business. If you doubt yourself so will others. Doubt is #13 on the ES (Above worry and below disappointment)

2.    What are your concerns about stepping out of your comfort zone and creating your business? It’s always helpful to get specific about how your thinking may create a mental environment of self doubt. Is your language weak, do you beat yourself up for mistakes? Running a small business requires vision and persistence, to ensure you have those you must really love what you are doing AND believe in it.

3.   On a Scale of 1-10 (1 Not Committed at all to 10 Fully Committed), How Committed are you to success in this business? Successrequires commitment. Before you see any results. This is a difficult concept for many new business owners, and is one of the key aspects of entrepreneurship that my clients and I work with in coaching.

By looking within, we usually make the connection between what’s showing up in “other people” and how it is always a mirror to what’s inside us. Once you truly “get” that YOU are responsible for everything happening, you get a rush of freedom moving like a deep cleansing breath through your body. “Aha, it was me all along!” When you realize this, you suddenly have choices about what you prefer to think, feel and attract. Remember, “thoughts that are emotionalized are magnetized!” Our new choices cause the Law of Attraction to match us up with entirely new people and experiences. Often, co-collaborators pop out of the woodwork.

As you consciously and deliberately change your vibration (a skill anyone can practice) you’re no longer a match to “doubt”. And surprise, others don’t doubt you!

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MEDIA MADNESS!

I’m on a little bit of a rampage right now on the topic of media. I realize by writing the words I write here, that I am attracting and focusing on what I don’t want! So let’s call it a rant and then I will forever hold my pieces…I mean peace!

For those of you who have known me for a while, you know I made a life decision about 6 years ago to cut off all forms of “news” media. The idea behind the strategy was that, I am very sensitive person and the terrible stories, stayed with me long after I turned the TV off or put down the paper. I formulated that if I removed this MASSIVE NEGATIVE ENERGY BLAST from my life, my outlook on life, and the world at large would improve dramatically. So I stopped watching all news, reading all news and began listening to music only satellite radio stations (news-free!).

After 6 years on this “no news media kick”, I would like to report that my original thesis not only holds but I severely underestimated the damage caused by the nonsense called “news”. Some observations follow confirming my point:

  1. I was still aware of “need to know” life critical news via other people, people talk!
  2. I was amazed at how long “tragedies” like earthquakes in Haiti, tsunamis in the South Pacific, oil spill in the gulf stayed in the media excitement. The worst tragedies barely made it two weeks and were then forgotten
  3. I have learned that the typical media story ratio is 9 Negative stories for every 1 positive story  
  4. The average newscast is aimed at the reading comprehension level of a 10 year old! So you’re not exactly challenging your brain either!
  5. My personal view of life improved DRAMATICALLY! The media is a focused negative energy vibration beam that creates a (VERY NEGATIVELY) distorted view of the safety of the world. Think about it, they paint a fearful view of the world, don’t go there, you might get robbed/shot/molested (insert negative experience here _____________________)
  6. I’m never going back, I love my life, my attitude, my view of the world is that “there are opportunities everywhere!”.  Once you see the world this way, the law of Attraction will bring events and people to support that thesis. I don’t lock my door sometimes, I’m not afraid. By not being afraid, negative events always seem to miss me!
  7. Your body gets destroyed by acid that is caused by generalized fear. It’s different than a fear right in front of you. A fear in front of you can be acted  upon (example bear attacks!)

I’d love your feedback on this and, try a week without news, your Most Positive (Brilliant) Self will thank you!

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“To Have Lived, Loved and Lost….”

    1. I was reading in a business weekly magazine about a man in Indiana who had risen to super rich status through the acquisition of multiple businesses in many industries. The story was about his stratospheric and rapid rise to the upper echelons of society where he supported many local politicians with substantial contributions.
       This man was also into partying, he would fly in 20-30  Playboy bunnies or other models to his estate and party hardy! He had over 30 luxury classic cars, a yacht etc. Finally it was all a ponzi/pyramid type of scheme and he got caught and is now living at his sisters’ house and is awaiting trial. They ask him at the end would you make the same choices again, and he answered, “definitely, not”.
      So he got caught doing illegal things and is now deep trouble. Let’s ignore for the sake of my argument the fact what he did was illegal as most of us would agree that’s wrong. What we do weakly is when we “say good for him” BECAUSE we are jealous of what he lived! He made a bad choice obviously but at least he dreamed and lived big, not playing small.
      What fascinates me is the angle that he lived for at least 5 years the life of opulence many (openly or secretly) dream of living but never will. Here is the question I posit to you:
      “Is it better to have lived like a king for a few years and then like a pauper, or is it better to just have an average and regular life but never have the crazy highs and lows this gentleman experienced?”
      I keep flipping back and forth but mostly end up on the side of really living full out (without crime of course!) as I have done with my (100% admittedly) unstable life path. Remember, I moved to California on a wing and a prayer just over 2 years ago!
      It harkens back to the classic adage, “Tis better to have loved and lost / Than never to have loved at all” by Alfred Lord Tenyson. Many people just decide it’s too much pain to love and risk our heart again and decide to either settle with a partner they don’t really love or never risk again.
       Life is about the connections we make and the growth we experience on whatever path we chose. Remember, “not choosing” is a choice and usually a poor one as it does not reward with any pleasure, or pain or experience. By not choosing, we refuse to go towards what our Most Brilliant Life calls us to  become. This “not going/risking” feels safe and protective but it is a lie and any time we don’t go to what we are called to become we die inside and shrivel up like a raisin (no offence to my good friend the raisin!).
       I may be in the minority, but I say live that life, take those chances, fall on your face, love, cry, laugh because that is what it is to be alive. It’s who you become when you keep getting back up and living a full life.
      THIS IS NOT A PRACTICE LIFE! LIVE IT LIKE YOU MEAN IT!
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This Week : What Happened to Manners 1 and 2?

This week I will allow myself a short rant and rampage of frustration as I feel this needs to be said.

It has become increasingly clear to me lately that all this technology that “connects” us actually is creating a generation and world of surface and short term thinkers/doers.
Part 1
One of the first casualties to me seems to be manners and etiquette! I don’t know how many times a day someone is on their phone or listening to their I- ____ (insert device here) right in front of me in a doorway. They proceed to barely slip through the door not even looking back to see if maybe there is another person behind. So you have 500 friends on Facebook, did none of them ever talk about proper manners? I guess not,  integrity is a lost art form.

Here’s why this annoys me, not  for the reason you think I bet you!

It annoys me because it means so many other people are either like that or have given up even trying to educate the young people of today. It bugs me because that means that people either don’t EVEN KNOW what good manners are or worse they are so burned out in their life that they don’t care anymore. That would be sad. I hope I’m making too big a deal here, sadly I don’t think I am.

Part 2:  
Second example, driving. I don’t know how many times I’m waiting on the way to an off-ramp, and we are all waiting patiently for the line to move when a car comes cuts in front of everyone else and expects to get away with it. Two days ago on my motorcycle, I put my lion suit on just as it happened. The cab driver cuts in right in front of the car ahead of me. I cut ahead and tap on the window and say stop that! The car next to me gives me the thumbs up and I feel a small victory in that at least I spoke up! It felt good to express my indignation. I think it really gets my goat when someone thinks they are better than others when we all are unique and better than EVERYONE ELSE in the world at ONE thing! So we’re all equal.

Next time you see an act of manner-less selfishness, I dare you to set the person straight in some way, the world will be a better place if we all care just a lot more about this world!

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