2013 an overview

A New Year, a Newsletter Returns
For the long time readers welcome back to 2BFRANK Living, Canada’s most authentic newsletter. For those of you who are new welcome and enjoy!

Since this is 2014 I thought I would share with you some questions you may want to ask yourself to learn and gain insight from 2013!
I use these with my coaching clients

1) What was/were my biggest breakthrough(s) in 2013 in terms of:
My Relationship with a) family and b) friends.
Dating/Relationship
Fun and Recreation
Health
Money
Career
Personal Growth
Physical Environment

2) What was the biggest challenge I overcame in 2013? Who did I have to become to do so?

3) What were my 3 greatest accomplishments for the year (think about if you will remember them in 10 years time)?

4) What experiences did I have that were on my “bucket list”?

5) How am I different than I was January 1st, 2013?

6) What personal Milestones did I accomplish (example: ran a 5K race, saved $5,000, took my scuba diving licence)?

7) What difficult choices did I make to be authentic and live my values?

Next Week we will get focused on 2014!

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“The Black Door”

This week I thought a short story and analogy would best summarize the decisions most people make between fear and freedom, they choose fear and its tragic.

In a far-off land there once was a general that captured a spy. The spy was to be killed by firing squad for the crimes he committed against the country.

As the firing squad was ready to implement its deadly duty the general went to privately speak to the spy.

The general said to the spy, “You have 2 options, 1) you can be killed by the firing squad or 2) you can choose to go through the black door.”

The spy hemmed and hawwed in agony at this final bit of torture. But he was already resigned to his death and said to the general “I choose the firing squad”

The firing squad did it’s grim task and fired and kill the spy. The general’s aid came up to the general and said to him, “General, what was behind the black door?”

The general replied, “Behind the black door was freedom. You see most people are more afraid of the unknown than anything else. What is known even if it is horrible and deadly is often better than the unknown for most people”

We get so comfortable in our lives even if they are toxic and deadly and painful to us we often choose to stay with the unacceptable rather than the unknown.

Instead of making choices to be free how many black doors to freedom have you ignored or chosen not to look for?

How much smaller is your life because of it?

I dare you to choose the unknown, push yourself try different things get out of your comfort zone just because it’s comfortable doesn’t mean it’s right it’s just familiar. if you need my help as a Life Coach, reach out.

Your life will thank you.

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Characteristics of High Performance People

High performance performance People are/have: 
1. A clear picture/vision/purpose of what they want to achieve. A great vision helps other people it is not self-centered.
2. Develop an attitude that it will work out the way they imagine it will. They expect to win! They see/feel themselves winning and practice that visualization consistently.
3. They serve others, it’s not just about themselves. They realize that to have a goal greater than themselves feeds them. To contribute to the greater good is more important than their personal gain.
4. They do not calculate “how much” they give or expect in return.They give because it is their fuel. They give because they are so full of passion, joy and appreciation. If someone fails to return the generosity, they don’t take it personally.5. They have a tireless and joyful work ethic. They enjoy what they spend long hours doing and they are great at it because of it.
6. They do it now. They realize that a job done now imperfectly beats a “perfectly done” effort next week. They realize that:
“You miss 100% of the shots you don’t take” –Wayne Gretzky
7. They fail a lot because they take a lot of chances. They learn from every failure and improve their skills (sharpen their axe).
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Attitude Clues

This week I talk about clues to those with unwaveringly great attitudes. I’m still working on mine every day and I can say i’m improving but have so much more to do!
Remember: “When the attitude is right the facts don’t count!”
People With Great Attitudes Have/Are (How many of these are you consistent with?) 
1. High energy: always ready to go
2. Problem Solvers:  Complaining and blaming is easy, most fools do it constantly
3. Can tolerate confusion: Break into parts and prioritize
4. Loyal to team purpose/cause
5. Committed to themselves
6. respond rather than react
7. Winning is a habit , they are never lazy (they love what they do)
9. At peace with themselves since they know why they are here, their purpose
10. Do what they said they would do (have integrity and high principles, example in my case: I return emails or calls within 24 hours no matter what)
“Winners are either “Up” or “getting Up”!”

Attitude Stealers/Destroyers
1. Detail “itis”, focus on the problem not the big picture
2. Procrastinate: Think if they don’t do “x” then they don’t have to do “y”
3. Overly sensitive: personalize everything, not realizing its not for them
4. Ask “Why” Questions: Why questions assume/create victim status
5. Double Minded: Unfocussed. because being successful comes with responsability, so they self-sabotage
6. Compare themselves with others/jealous: Not with themselves in the past. Interestingly: We compare our insides with others’ outsides!
                                                                                         “The trouble with doing nothing, you never know when you are done!”
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Perspective

Did you ever wonder why some people experience similar events but react completely differently? Well I do very often. I cam across some material this week that clarifies just that relationship.
 
C + P = E
Here is the formula:                                                Circumstances + Perspective = Experience 

In life we don’t control our circumstances nor our experience BUT we DO control our Perspective of events.

This brings us to failure: Our society simply has too negative a view of failure to the point where so many don’t even try or risk anything.
Too many people consider themselves a failure if they fail. This crushes them. Most people care more about what others think than our success.

A much superior and true perspective is that:

Failure is an Event Not Who You are! Winners keep stringing failures as they learn!

So when you have what you consider a failure or mess up, use this very supportive language: “That’s not Like me!” as it sends a message to our subconscious that this is unusual and NOT the status quo.

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A Real Hero

Fantastic Spoken Word on building your own career vs JOB (just over Broke):

https://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_embedded&v=tzcxOl4b7IA

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I challenge you to keep a dry eye after reading this, no offence to the stars, but we do tend to deify athletes, movie and rock stars. Thanks Ruth D. for passing this to me.

True Hero

And think of the media circus, flags at half staff, and all the things that were said of Whitney Houston when she died and Michael Jackson when he died. This hero died with barely anyone’s notice.
“Shifty” By Chuck Yeager

Shifty volunteered for the airborne in WWII and served with Easy Company of the 506th Parachute Infantry Regiment, part of the 101st Airborne Infantry. If you’ve seen Band of Brothers on HBO or the History Channel, you know Shifty. His character appears in all 10 episodes, and Shifty himself is interviewed in several of them.

I met Shifty in the Philadelphia airport several years ago. I didn’t know who he was at the time. I just saw an elderly gentleman having trouble reading his ticket. I offered to help, assured him that he was at the right gate, and noticed the “Screaming Eagle,” the symbol of  the 101st Airborne, on his hat.

Making conversation, I asked him if he’d been in the 101st Airborne or if his son was serving. He said quietly that he had been in the 101st. I thanked him for his service, then asked him when he served, and how many jumps he made.

Quietly and humbly, he said “Well, I guess I signed up in 1941 or so, and was in until sometime in 1945 …” at which point my heart skipped.

At that point, again, very humbly, he said “I made the 5 training jumps at Toccoa, and then jumped into Normandy . . . do you know where Normandy is?” At this point my heart stopped.

I told him “Yes, I know exactly where Normandy is, and I know what D-Day was.” At that point he said “I also made a second jump into Holland , into Arnhem ..” I was standing with a genuine war hero …and then I realized that it was June, just after the anniversary of  D-Day.

I asked Shifty if he was on his way back from France , and he said  “Yes… And it ‘s real sad because, these days, so few of the guys are left, and those that are, lots of them can’t make the trip.” My heart was in my throat and I didn’t know what to say.

I helped Shifty get onto the plane and then realized he was back in coach while I was in First Class. I sent the flight attendant back to get him and said that I wanted to switch seats. When Shifty came forward, I got up out of the seat and told him I wanted him to have it, that I’d take his in coach.


He said “No, son, you enjoy that seat. Just knowing that there are still some who remember what we did and who still care is enough to make an old man very happy.” His eyes were filling up as he said it.

And mine are brimming up now as I write this.
Shifty died on Jan. l7 after fighting cancer.
There was no parade.

No big event in Staples Center .

No wall-to-wall, back-to-back 24×7 news coverage.

No weeping fans on television.

And that’s not right!

Let’s give Shifty his own memorial service, online, in our own quiet way.

Please forward this email to everyone you know. Especially to the veterans.

Rest in peace, Shifty.

Chuck Yeager, Maj. General [ret.]

P.S. I think that it is amazing how the “media” chooses our “heroes” these days…

Elvis, Michael Jackson, Whitney Houston & the like.

“SHIFTY” – an incredible American hero.

Please do me a favor and pass this on so that untold thousands can read it.

We owe no less to our REAL Heroes.

 

I hope this touched you as much as did me.

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Secrets of Mega-Achievers

This week I wanted to share with you some powerful new information that came across my desk with regard to Mega-Achievers (those who seem to have the Midas touch and great success).

1.      Win your emotional combat: So many people lose to stubbornness and ego. Managing our thoughts so that we spend are time and focus on what we want, not what we don’t. Remember, any negative thoughts in your mind are there because you allow them. We have the power to insert any thought. Mega achievers don’t worry about reality, they visualize what they want and focus. Every day you should insert thoughts of personal power, health, abundance.

2.      Make and Execute a Simple Plan: Some of the greatest ideas ever were sketched out on a napkin. Simplicity always wins.

3.      Continuously Support Yourself:  Eliminate loophole words such as “try” and “but”. These rob you of your power and allows a back door exit. As Yoda said: “There is “Do” and there is “not do”, there is no try. Trying is lying. But is a similar word that invalidates all that was said prior to the “but”

Example: “I want to start my new project/business this week, BUT I am so busy”

 4.      The 5 Minute Rule:  Dr. Kenneth Christian tells his underachieving clients: “Just as you are about to give up, give it 5 more minutes. This will launch you through your “dead zone”.

 5.      The Ultimate Difference:  Between Achievers and underachievers is that: The underachiever quits and the achiever completes.

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High Potential Underachievers VS Achievers

Via my incredible membership with my private success club I came across some incredible information this week I couldn’t wait to share with you. If you want more info. On joining the club, drop me an email.

After 6 years of studying the most successful people on the planet, here is some incredible information, I dare you to look at yourself and see your truth.

The study looked at High Potential Underachievers vs Achievers. Here’s the skinny….

Print it and put it on your Vision Board (you have one right?!)

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High Potential Under-Achievers (What NOT to do)

5 Characteristics:

Procrastinate:  Spend their type paralyzed and analyzing. THEY DON’T ACT. 

Wide Swings of Mood and Self-esteem: Unfocussed

Difficulty in making decisions: Or undo/doubt when they take decisions

Fear of Disappointment: Of themselves and others. Put others’ opinions above their dreams, hide from life.

Dream Big and Never Follow Through:  Can’t pull the trigger.

Underachievers Quit, Achievers Complete.

Now here is what you want, remember 6 studies/research of Performance and Behavior:

Achievers Profile

“An Indestructible Personality”:  Refuse to give up. Will not be denied or stopped no matter what.

More “At Bats”:  Talk to more people, make more calls. “Eat problems for breakfast” . “You miss 100% of the shots you don’t take.” – Wayne Gretzky 

Unshakeable Belief in your dream: Sturdy resilience and unrelenting courage. Chart their success.

Attitude Support:  Keep a positive mindset. Whenever you are above 85% of your thoughts being positive you have a CHANCE at success. Not before.

Mega-Achievers:  Are not Lone Wolves, they are relational.  You need to give to receive. Give from the heart.

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The Key to making a Great Decision Every Time

How do we know when to take that leap make an important decision: either “go” or “no go”?

For most of us it’s torture and then guilt and many false starts wasting time and vibrational, psychological and emotional energy.

Here’s a foolproof way to make sure you’re making the right decisions in the right way so that you take the right ones and avoid the wrong ones that won’t work anyway (because they scare you subconsciously, fear attracts failure).

First get down to what the worst case scenario of the decision is. Most of us don’t want to go there, we don’t want to worry about that or don’t want to focus there but the fear ends up running us. Be 100% honest with yourself most of us sugar coat with ourselves, “It will be fine” is not a powerful strategy.

Here’s an example from my life to apply this: I had to do a book signing yesterday and I was little nervous about it, as it was the first time I do this sort of thing. So I thought about the worst case scenario. In my case, the worst case scenario was “I won’t sell one book at all I was a complete  failure and I was never invited back to the store that invited me and worse than that, they would’ve maybe sent an email to head office or other stores to avoid me.” 

Now yes it that was very scary for me but I knew that I had to learn how to do this and this is a new channel for me (book signings at stores) and I I was prepared to fail miserably at it.. The mistake most people make at this point is not digging deep enough and really going to worst-case scenarios. For example if you’re about to launch a new product what’s the worst case scenario? Most marketing people tell you: “the worst case scenario is that we will sell 50% of what our target is.” We need to dig deeper.

  Here is my first book store signing sale!

That’s not really the worst case scenario, it’s too rosy. The absolute worst case scenario is: you spend months developing the product spending on its development, packaging, making sure the packaging is good and then you fill up your warehouses with the product, you promote it and not one item sells. That is the absolute worst thing that could happen.

That’s why they’re called worst-case scenario not medium-case scenario but most people are afraid to look at the absolute worst case because they think it looks like a failure. Failure is and not admitting what the worst case is possible.

Counter-intuitively perhaps, once you’re really really comfortable that is the absolute worst thing that could happen including impacts to your reputation, your cash flow and your ego then comes the fun part: What is the best case scenario?

So in my case the best case scenario was that I would hit it out of the park and sell over 20 books at my book signing and impress everybody, feel great make, make some money and impress the store and have them send a letter to head office or other store say how great I was.

Now obviously the reality is somewhere in between the two of those but most the time our minds won’t allow us to go to the worst case scenario. If you’re still okay with the worst case scenario happening in terms of your growth, in terms of the opportunity that it presents and you’re okay with that then you can definitely say: “Let’s do this thing and put all of your horsepower (intellectually psychologically) and your belief that it’s going to work and just do it with all your passion (#2 on the Emotional Scale). Once you confront the fear, you break through and can succeed.

Just to wrap things up in my personal example I didn’t end up selling the 20 books. But I didn’t also end up selling zero books either.
I sold somewhere in between those two numbers . But it went well, I was happy the way I was dealing with people and I had fun.

The store Customer Experience Manager was happy and we are discussing doing a book writing workshop. The result was better than my best case scenario actually in this case.

I would like to take this opportunity to thank Cheri Gibson from Indigo Books Milton. She was absolutely a superstar yesterday helping me feel great having a great first day signing and was incredibly supportive in and allowing me to to learn this and helped me shine. So I’m really appreciative of all of her support. If you’re in the Milton area, drop in and go say hi to Cheri. She’s probably one of the best customer Experience Manager’s I’ve ever met.

For all your great projects, go to the worst-case scenario, keep digging make sure it’s as bad as it can be. Then look at the best case scenario and then if you can handle the worst case scenario pull the trigger do it and never look back. Just do it, remember a good decision today beats a great decision next week all the time. You get the benefit of time and experience of doing it.

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In a Complex World: Leaders need a Broader Mindset

From the Globe and Mail January 13th, 2013,

by Harvey Schachter

Amazing article that outlines the big picture issues faced by management but also academia. Frank

“The two are partners in a leadership consulting firm, even though Ms. Lahl lives in Maui, Hawaii, and Dr. Egan is in California, where she is an associate professor of applied behavioural science and director of the master of science in organizational development program at Pepperdine University.

They observe that most people now find themselves living in a volatile, complex, uncertain and ambiguous world.

“The pace of the world has outstripped where we are as human beings,” Dr. Egan explained in an interview. “Any leadership development has to help people develop bigger minds that can match the world we’re in.”

This bigger mindset, the consultants say, includes not only the traditional analytical approach as well as the soft stuff – such as navigating workplace relationships. It involves tapping into five elements of ourselves, which they group under the acronym SPINE:

Spiritual: Developing a sense of meaning, purpose, and community at work.

Physical: Understanding how to manage well-being and energy, and using your body as signalling system.

Intellectual: This is the mind component, being comfortable with complexity and ambiguity, and thinking systemically.

Intuitive: Our ability to see patterns in unrelated data, which serves as a source of creativity and insight.

Emotion: We want to control emotions in the workplace, but we need to learn to value emotions as information – to be able to regulate emotions and be attuned to ourself and others.

The consultants have developed a short assessmentthat asks questions about whether you are comfortable with ambiguity, find that your emotions have an impact on your energy, and have the courage to act on your values.

“We see many leaders who are intellectually quite evolved but their emotional self is not fully evolved,” Ms. Lahl noted in an interview. To help this emotional self evolve, to develop your SPINE, they urge you to:

– Take the opportunity each day to look for inspiration and meaning in your work.

– Develop a map of your physical signalling system. Note what gives you energy and what depletes you. Pay attention to what your body is telling you about the decisions that you are making.

– Expand your problem-solving circle to include perspectives that are different from your own.

– Take time every day to develop your intuition by spending time in nature, with no focus and no agenda.

– Spend a week paying attention to what kind of impact your emotions have on your thinking and performance.

If you struggle with some areas of SPINE, neuroscience offers heartening advice. It is possible to change, to reprogram your behaviour – if you have the will and desire.

“It calls for the passion that allows us to go beyond our comfort zones,” Ms Lahl said.

Beyond the SPINE approach, they highlight three other capabilities that can help you handle complex situations.

The first is “dynamic attention,” which refers to deliberately breaking the multitasking habit. Create a distraction-free workplace, and in a trial week, set aside 20 minutes every day where your attention is focused on one item, noting what changes within you or in your productivity. Over the next two weeks, build up to an hour-long distraction-free zone. Research about awareness, they note, shows that we can only change ourselves if we create periods of dynamic attention.

The second is “strategic clarity.” This refers to our ability to step back and assess a situation, challenge our current understanding, seek additional information, incorporate new insights, and take action. This will involve understanding your past, because unprocessed memories can drive our choices. Ms. Lahl talks about the part of herself that gets antsy in meetings and starts daydreaming, and another part that wants everything to be neat and orderly, with all tasks checked off. “If my wise self is not in control of that, I can burn out,” she said.

The third capability is “authentic collaboration.” This means creating communities in the workplace so that you’re not alone in dealing with the complex, volatile world and are able to react in an agile way.

“The world is becoming increasingly complex and that won’t change soon,” Dr. Egan summed up. “We each have a choice and obligation to work with ourselves and others so we can have the impact we want.”

Special to The Globe and Mail”

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