Question: “Why are/can relationships be so hard!?” Janice C.

 

Answer:  Firstly, thanks for the question Janice. The Universe can never buck your trend or vibration, so if you think they are hard, then the Universe will match that and give you “hard” relationships.

They are hard when we are unclear who we are, what we want and have limited courage and/or low standards for what we deserve. If we come from fear/insecurity (lack) we will attract that.

They can be hard when we are inauthentic (trying to be what we are not) and trying to please or impress another with our actions. The most important relationship is with ourselves and many people don’t have a good one there. Self criticism and low self esteem should be your number one enemies and they can be dealt with by beginning to monitor and notice your thoughts and language. Just saying, “Relationships are hard.”  Is a very scarcity-based perspective. Your subconscious says, “If they are hard, why would we even want one? We don’t” 

Without really liking yourself you go out meeting people that subconsciously feel like they “complete” you. If you don’t really like yourself and feel incomplete without a partner you attract another “incomplete” partner. Two “incompletes” don’t make a “complete”, they make both more incomplete as both partners are trying to “get” something they need internally (self love) from outside themselves. All this does is augment a chain of pain.

A person with strong personal preferences, clear standards of conduct, a strong sense of self that is being authentic manifests relationships easily and naturally as they are abundant. Relationships can be anything YOU create and want them to be, exciting, fun, etc.

This mindset lets us realize that we can never stand on our head in enough ways to ever please another person. Even if we do, we will lose their respect or attract abuse (victim-victimizer complex).
When we are clear about who we are and what we want, we naturally know what we need and gravitate to relationships and people we can get our needs met with. When this happens with both partners asking and getting their needs met, it is incredible how joyful, natural and passionate relationships become.

So look inside first, fill that up then watch your external (with another) relationships flourish. Otherwise it’s like trying to fill a bucket with a hole in it, no one can ever give you enough love to replace the love you don’t have for yourself.

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2012 A Look At The Year that Was – FOR YOU!

      As a breakthrough coach, my job is to shift clients’ perception of what is to really live their authentic lives. My expertise is around shifting perspectives, great questions allow growth. As I mention in , “Live It!”, “The quality of your life is the quality of the questions you ask yourself”. As we are now officially in December, here are some questions to get some quality answers that will help you grow into 2013.

  

“Quality Questions I Can Ask Myself Now to Grow”

 “Where am I more complete than I was 11 months ago? Where am I less complete?”

“What were the three biggest personal breakthroughs I had this year (career, relationships, health, personal growth, money, balance, physical environment”

“What stopped me from being my Most Brilliant Self this year? Why?”

“If I could re-make one different decision this past year which one would I and why?

“Who have I become this year?”

“Who am I evolving into for 2013?”

“Where are the three biggest opportunities for 2013? Why are they?”

“What’s one thing I want less of in 2013 (example, stress, illness, fear, etc.)?

“What’s one thing I want more of in 2013? (Joy, passion, adventure, etc.)

“How was 2012 a “breakthrough year for me?”

“What am I most proud of that I did/achieved in 2012?”

Want more?, Hire me as your Breakthrough Coach! Now! Then I guarantee, 2013 will be THE YEAR FOR YOU!

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Secular Shift

As the end of the year approaches, many people have asked me if I think the apocalypse is coming in a little over one month. Let me be clear here, I don’t have a crystal ball, and I’m not even 100% sure how to spell Nostradamus. Additionally, the Mayan calendar is Greek to me. That said, I do have some ideas.
Firstly, the “end-of-the world” thinking comes from extreme paranoia which is amplified and concentrated fear (#22 on the emotional scale). This is not a perspective we should spend much time in if we want to live happily and attract great thoughts, people and events.

Secondly, remember that focusing our energies and thoughts on things we don’t control is the definition of suffering. Additionally it is an excuse to stop focusing what we DO control, our thoughts and actions. No one else’s.

Most spiritual people I’ve discussed this with agree that what is actually happening (and it’s a very GOOD thing unlike what the media peddles) is that there is a secular shift in our thinking and living. Many of the existing institutions that so many have lived their lives by are simply not working for them anymore. A consumption-focused, media-driven and capitalistic lifestyle tends to be ego driven, unsustainable and supports false (base) values. There is a very large transition towards thinking in terms of sustainable environments, growth and ways of living. A consciousness shift is happening and accelerating, and it’s great.

Lastly, if it will be the end of the world, let’s make this last month count and live it as if it’s not a practice life (the theme of my new book, “Live It!”). I watched the movie “Seeking a Friend for the End of the World” which shows what happens when most rules and accountability are removed (in this case due to the impending asteroid about to destroy earth).  The movie shows both extremes (it is Hollywood after all!).
Forget the end of the world, it’s just another excuse to NOT focus on what you really want , desire and manifest for yourself.

Living The Law of Attraction : “I want Horses!”

Thank You to all the veterans who have made our lives better!

Frank Update:

It’s been an incredible week for me as my baby book “Live It!” is now available in 6 Toronto books stores and I have my first book signing scheduled for Friday February 1st at Origo Books, 49 Lower Jarvis Street. I couldn’t have done it without the undying support and unwavering commitment of Cindy my girlfriend and rock. Thanks my sweet angel! This week I will be listing the book through Bookmasters for comprehensive U.S. distribution.

Living the Law of Attraction : “I Want Horses!”

           Every once in a while a personal story deeply cements and confirms the unlimited power and unlimited scope of the Law of Attraction (as I often remind people, “all limitations are in our heads, the universe knows no such limits.”). The following story was told to me by a close friend who is as powerful a manifester as I know (she manifested me in her life too! Lol!). Thank you Catherine for allowing me to share this incredible story. Every item in this story is 100% true!

In the early 90’s, Catherine was living in the San Diego area. She was looking to relax and enjoy life for a while between major work and life projects. Catherine started thinking and feeling (in a child like, “I want his!” the following: “I want horses, they seem amazing!” Catherine had never even ridden a horse!

She imagined what it would be like to ride horses and be around their equine magnificence. She didn’t focus on “HOW” or “WHEN” this would happen (unlike most who don’t understand that the universe can give you “what you want, or BETTER!” ). She simply allowed the dream to warm her up and felt great about it.

Within 3 weeks at a business social event on Catalina Island, Catherine met a gentleman who had 2 beautiful show Arabian horses. Catherine and the gentleman gleefully discussed horses and he invited her up to ride a horse at his ranch in northern California. He sent her an airplane ticket and Catherine visited and loved the horses. As the day drew to a close the following conversation occurred between the horse owner and Catherine:

Horse Owner: “How do you like the horses?”

Catherine:  “I love them!!!’

Horse Owner: “My wife and I are going overseas and we want a good home for our 2 horses. Would you like to have them?”

Catherine:  “Of course, but I don’t have any gear!”

Horse Owner:  “Oh don’t worry about that, I’ll give you all the saddles, bridles and gear, everything you and they will need.”

Catherine: “Great! Wow! But I don’t have a trailer!”

Horse Owner: “Of course, not a problem, I’ll give you their trailer!”

Catherine: “Really, wow! I don’t have a car big enough to pull that big trailer.”

Horse Owner: “Not an issue. I’m giving you the truck to pull the trailer and horses.”

 Catherine had manifested 2 gorgeous Arabian show horses, all their gear and a trailer and truck! Absolutely impossible unless you understand that the Universe has no limits.

Catherine found a ranch less than a mile from where she lived and enjoyed the horses for almost 5 years. Then some family issues forced her to move back to Toronto. She visualized a wonderful home for the horses in the same feeling (remember thoughts that are “emotionalized are magnetized”). Within days a young couple knocked at the door and bought the horses for their parents’ retirement gift.

What a story! The Law of Attraction knows no limits in terms of time, scope and size or dollar amount. Catherine simply felt the joy of horses and the Universe delivered something a million times bigger and better than if she had focused specifically only on, “I want to ride a horse”.

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November Rain (Tears)

Last Thursday may have been November 1st but for me it was like Christmas Day, My Birthday and a Promotion rolled into one. You see, last Thursday was the day that I picked up 525 copies of my baby book, “Live It!”. I had been more or less making sure before that day that all spare money would go to paying for the books (the life of a self-publisher i tell you…lol). As with all things meant to be, the Universe orchestrated everything absolutely perfectly bringing in exactly the funds I needed within a few dollars!

Back to that day. I woke up with a spring in my step as I sang to myself “This is the day I get/see/touch my books!”. I had even thought of cancelling all other appointments that day but decided that some time away from hyper focussing on “the event” would be good. As I left my last appointment to drive to the book warehouse (where I was told to park in the back and ask for Pat, how very mysterious!), it literally hit me like a ton of books: I would see the culmination of my thoughts, imagination and efforts in a physical product. As a coach and speaker, most of what I do is powerful but not tangible.

 As it hit me, tears began pouring down my face at the realization that my “baby book” would finally start being adopted by loving people. The emotion was so strong, a combination of releif, joy, anticipation and a little trepidation (will they like it?). As the men loaded in the 9 boxes of HEAVY books and warned me not to brake too suddenly, it dawned on me, I had done it! I had delivered this book to the world.

A book is tangible and for that it is very special. “Live It!” introduces and explains all my best tools and thinking (in easily understandable language with examples) along with all my hope and passion for others living their greatest lives. It meets you where you are NOW and gives you powerful processes to find your purpose and truth to live authentically and manifest all your greatest wants and desires.

I can sincerely tell you from my heart, this book delivers, it has juice and it will make a huge differnce in so many people’s lives. Last Thursday night after speaking to a crowd, I had the pleasure of autographing many books and loved it so much. A coach author had arrived.

I explained to someone this week, “Buying Live It! is the next best thing to hiring me as your coach!”  It will also make a tremendous Christmas gift.  Buy it here: http://www.quantumleapcoach.ca/books/live-it

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“Why Wait Until They Die?”

Happy Halloween to everyone! May that be the only day a year you wear a mask of inauthenticity!

As I was at the gym this week I saw a funeral on television. As the procession advanced, the commentators were piling on the positive achievements and community impact of the gentleman in question.

It occurred to me that many people save all the great things they should tell others for after the person’s death. Now I know this may seem a little extreme, but really, is it?

Other than graduations, weddings and major career promotions, when do we tell the important people around us how much they mean to us? How often do we allow are ego (fear) stop us from telling our loved ones, friends and business partners how important they are in our lives and how amazing they are. I’ve been on this wavelength lately,

I’ve become quite complimentary and upbeat with EVERYONE I meet. From the gentleman and ladies who dutifully clean the lobby every morning as I go for a run. To anyone at any store I go to, anyone in the elevator, people are everywhere and I make it my duty to leave them somehow more joyful and appreciated. Don’t think for a second I am only doing it for them as I get just as much or more out of it than they do.

It’s astonishing (and so sad) how few people actually do walk through life in pure joy and appreciation (children and pets excluded as they know how and chose to feel good all the time).

These vibrations (joy/love/empowerment/freedom/appreciation) are #1 at the top of the emotional scale.

By feeling that good (not waiting for “good” things to happen to you before you are joyful) all the time you attract people, experiences and events that feel that good, this creates a “virtuous” circle. That is all you need to remember to tap into the most senior of all physical laws: the Law of Attraction. The same way the Law of Lift Supercedes the Law of Gravity (otherwise birds and planes wouldn’t fly!), whether you believe in the LoA or not doesn’t change that it works. The same way you don’t need to believe in gravity for it to work.

I dare you this week to shine a ray of sunshine and joy on everyone you meet, you will make their day. You may also make your own!

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“It’s Off My Radar Screen”

If we liken our lives and events in our lives as all occurring on a large 100 meter (300 feet) radius. Our visibility at any time is like a fog-induced 10 foot radius around us.

This is important as we all know hindsight is 20/20. How many times do you look back at events in your life and see that something/someone completely unseen and unplanned came into your life (on your radar) and created a chain event that transformed your life path completely.

The event was “off your radar” but found its way to you because of the vibration you were putting out to the universe. Thoughts are vibrational energy and bring people and events into your radar from “off your radar”. These are far from “random” events, you attracted them with your thoughts. Remember, we become and experience what we think of most of the time.

How to use this:  Most people spend their lives worrying about what is in the 10 feet around them, (on their radar). They see career/work problems, relationship issues, health concerns, etcetera, etcetera. This attracts more issues, people and circumstances that match worry/fear.  A better approach would be to say and believe, “Right now I can’t see how X will be resolved, it’s off my radar, but I know a solution will come!”

This is powerful because a) it makes you feel better,  which attracts what you want, b) it allows you to believe the world is benevolent (not fearful) and will bring you the best, so you are happier which brings more great things.

I urge you to begin admitting you HAVE NO/ZERO idea what’s coming, it’s off your radar.

Here’s an example from my life. Two weeks ago a very important person to create my success was very much unknown to me, off my radar. I went out on a Saturday night on a feeling I had to go out even though I was comfy on the couch with my love. We met an amazing couple we are having lunch with this weekend. The gentleman was a powerful business person from Dubai franchising businesses here in North America. He referred me to someone who really “gets” what I am all about and has a burning desire to help me succeed. Not only that he is an amazing person that I really like. I’ll tell you more about him soon.

You and I are not that smart that we know what is coming, even if you can’t see how something will work out, keep the faith (#4 on the ES), a solution is on your radar screen of you are feeling good. Your only job: feel good all the time.

Additionally, if you are looking for an opportunity that allows you to learn and share great information like this, we should talk, I am surrounded by some amazingly helpful people.

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Child-Like Authenticity = Inspiring Moments

As some of you regular readers know I have a dog called Riplee (Believe it or Not!). This week we were returning from the park and we were in the elevator. A woman and her lovely daughter who was about 4 years old got in the elevator.

As the door closed the daughter took fascinated interest in Riplee the following conversation happens:

Little girl:  As she pointed obviously at the black wart-like protrusion on Riplee’s head, in the cutest voice, What’s that black bump on his head?”

Her mother looked uncomfortable for a second until she saw me smile and laugh out loud. I was glad she didn’t admonish as others might have for this very direct question.

Me: Thrilled at her authenticity and blatant disregard for what is politically correct, I replied, “That’s a wart!”

Little girl: Very curious now, “Does it hurt him?”

Me:  “No, he’s older and it doesn’t hurt at all like when people have birth marks!”

We have much to learn from children in terms of their in-the-moment 100% curiosity and authenticity. She hadn’t been “programmed” yet to worry so much about what other people think and it made her absolutely real and irresistible in the process.

People are attracted to our humanity, our quirks and unique EVEN weird or mildly offensive character traits (don’t we all have a few of those?). Despite all the cultural pressures to conform to some rules or norms (whatever that means), we are almost magnetically attracted to people who are themselves. As a matter of fact, I feel being our real, authentic selves (warts and all) is our own unique superpower, no one is like us.

If you would like to learn all about tuning into your authenticity superpower, it’s all detailed in my latest book, “Live It! Your Courageously Authentic Life”. 

This week I challenge you to take some risks and be authentic, be present and curious. Be a zebra among horses, your experience will be life-changing and you will have a blast! (Joy, #1 on the ES).

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What You Should Always Take

I came across this section in my upcoming book, “Live It!” (avail. Oct.). The original title of the book was “Take It!” and this section aimed to clarify what we should take (what is ours not others’). Enjoy!

WHAT YOU SHOULD ALWAYS TAKE

1. All opportunities put in front of you that resonate with you (connect to your soul and heart) You always learn more from the opportunities you take (even and especially if you fail, remember, we learn more from failure) than by not taking a chance.  By not trying you miss all the learning that occurs when taking chances.  Fortune favors the courageous and brave.  Not making a choice IS A CHOICE, a choice devoid of any courage or learning.  NOT making a choice is always the worst option as others then make their own choices, benefitting themselves.  If you don’t make a choice you lose the insight and self-actualizing benefits of trusting yourself.  Taking charge and making choices leads to feeling in charge of your life.

2. Life as a great game of exploration and adventure!  Doesn’t that sound like a great way to see it, instead of a great series of problems, hurdles and disappointments?

3. You always need to get clear on WHAT you want and WHY you want it Once you know what you want, life becomes so much simpler as you can choose powerfully and quickly and not look back with guilt.  This is your #1 quest in life, “What do I want (for myself) and why?” Once this is clear, a multitude of “difficult” or even seemingly “impossible” situations can be dealt with from a place of empowerment and certainty. That’s an amazing way to live!

4. The present moment as a gift.  Another name for a Christmas or birthday present is “gift”.  That is what the present moment is; a once in a lifetime gift never to be experienced again.  All of our power of decision and choice must necessarily occur in the present moment (since we can’t time travel yet).

The word decision is derived from Latin and means, “To cut off all other options.Much of your daily practice should center around being present to all the beauty of nature and the wonderful people around you.  Get out of your head and into your heart!  Any time we worry or are apprehensive (Fear), we are DEFINITELY NOT PRESENT!  In the present moment is where all action can occur.  Most people spend much too little time in the present moment.  We go back to the past and feel guilt or anger, or we think of the future, which is good if we see it as positive.  Many people simply dream of a better future.  A dream without a plan and action is simply a fantasy.

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A Cottage Frame of Mind

        Last week I had the pleasure and privilege of renting a cottage in the Haliburton area.  The weather was rainy. Regardless, it was still wonderful as only a place far from the hustle and bustle of city and regular life can create. As with most vacations it took a day or so there to get used to the new place and change in routines on all fronts. Isn’t that why we go away on vacation? To change the routine, see new things, people and experience life through a different lens.

             Some insights from the cottage came to me today and I thought I would share them with you.

 Mother Nature: Without the distraction and sound and visual pollution of the city, amazing sights and sounds are right there and spectacular. My first night there was amazing as the power of a thunder and lightning storm created a Halloween sound and visual landscape. One lightning strike was so close and powerful that my trusted Riplee dog launched onto the bed with me! The pitter patter of rain on the leaves and roof is something to behold.

 The stars at night are absolutely breath-taking and very visible.

The air is completely different (nights cooler) leading to sounder and deeper sleep.

Food:  Eating becomes one of the central themes of the day as one removes most/all regular tasks and responsibilities. Preparing and sharing a meal with your family is a great chance to connect.

No Cable TV:  As much as I’m a minimalist in terms of what I consume on television, once at the cottage, the only indication of civilization was the background radio station playing classic 70’s-80’s music harkening back to those glorious musical generations. Watching an older DVD of “The Great Escape” for the first time on a 13 inch TV has its own quaint appeal. The lack of cable TV also opens up the time for board and card games with much merriment. I was fortunate to have internet so I could still stay in touch with the Olympics (my little obsession) and a couple of coaching calls. I have always dreamed of coaching from a cottage, that dream happened this week and was amazingly motivating for me to get my own cottage-type place soon.

Miscellaneous:  One other interesting tidbit was that I had brought my laptop in the hope of doing some writing on my newest “Motorcycle Chronicles” (working title) book. Although I did ride into Algonquin Park, I DIDN’T feel like writing at all! At first I was worried I’d lost my writing touch. Then I realized (and reframed the experience) that this was what was meant to be and I enjoyed the writing break. Maybe my current writing location (dining room) environment is part of my “being a writer”.

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