Increasing Your Self Acceptance / Self Worth

  
Finding/Increasing Your Self-Acceptance/ Self -Worth
From the fabulous “Get Out of Your Own Way” book by Dr. RuskOnce concern about self worth is set aside, awareness of your mortality will help make each moment more valuable.

“I didn’t ask to be here, but here I am anyway. And I’m not going to be here forever. I’ve been given inherited talents and weaknesses. I had no say about my genetic capacities. I’m a product of my past- my inheritance and my experiences. I can’t change that. However., I do have some say about how I act now.

I am not who I was years ago, I am not who I may be sometime in the future, and I may not be who others want me to be. I’m not even who I have believed I am. Like it or not, I am exactly who I am. And I’d like to find out who that is and who I could grow to become.

I do have some choices and because I do, I can chose to take risks and experiment to find out what I’m capable of. I can try on different attitudes that seem to offer more than my familiar attitudes. I can behave differently, in new ways that seem preferable to my habits.

 

I will concentrate on my strengths, instead of trying to hide or compensate for my weaknesses. The only way I can discover what I have to offer is by exploring various activities. It’s up to me to locate my wellsprings of talent. I can experiment until I find those pursuits that make me feel better about myself and come to me more readily than other activities.

And since I have control over how I do whatever I’m doing, why not do the best I can? Maybe what I do and what I accomplish is less important than how I do it. Perhaps it is less important to do the right things that to do things for the right reasons. I’ll earn self-respect automatically. And the more difficult the thing I try to accomplish, the more self respect I’ll earn.

If I’m good enough to succeed at something I feel good about, then not only will I earn self-respect, I’ll also feel fulfilled. If I fail despite my best efforts, I’ll still have self-respect.”

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5 “Prescriptions” For Happiness

        No matter how much you have, you could always use more. Even the happiest person could want even more. This week I will cover some phenomenal research (scientific) on happiness. There are over 800 books on “Happiness” out there, very few (a handful) are actually research and science based information. As such so many happiness cookbooks are of the “Grandma always said” or simply the opinion of one person having “found” it after suffering. I’d like to thank Karl for sharing this with me so I can share it with you. 
1) Change What you DO Not What you have:  Forget “I’ll be happier when I get ____” (raise, new car, new position, etc.). Also change “HOW” you do things (vary them). Example: Volunteer, Big Brother/Sister2) Pursue intrinsic goals for self-concordant reasons: Goals that mean something to you and that resonate with your values and who you are. Goals are VERY important. They are a way to travel to the future we want! Pursue goals out of interest, not pressure. Expressing your identity, not your guilt.
3) Strive to be your Authentic/Unguarded self in social settings: Those whose social self is closest to their “true” self live the happiest. Have the courage to be yourself and see the magic as others reflect authenticity.

4) Balance your time across the day: Don’t do too much of only one thing, mix it up.

5) Manage your life so that you feel autonomous, competent and connected:
Humans have 3 basic psychological needs:
A) Autonomous:  Doing what you choose.
Fortune Cookie: “Do not depend on others to make you happy, you can do it yourself.”
B) Competence: Whatever you do, do it well.
Fortune Cookie: “To guarantee success, act as if it were impossible to fail.” 
C) Relatedness: Connect with others.
Fortune Cookie: “Your friends and family are the key to your happiness.”

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High Potential Underachievers VS Achievers

Via my incredible membership with my private success club I came across some incredible information this week I couldn’t wait to share with you. If you want more info. On joining the club, drop me an email.

After 6 years of studying the most successful people on the planet, here is some incredible information, I dare you to look at yourself and see your truth.

The study looked at High Potential Underachievers vs Achievers. Here’s the skinny….

Print it and put it on your Vision Board (you have one right?!)

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High Potential Under-Achievers (What NOT to do)

5 Characteristics:

Procrastinate:  Spend their type paralyzed and analyzing. THEY DON’T ACT. 

Wide Swings of Mood and Self-esteem: Unfocussed

Difficulty in making decisions: Or undo/doubt when they take decisions

Fear of Disappointment: Of themselves and others. Put others’ opinions above their dreams, hide from life.

Dream Big and Never Follow Through:  Can’t pull the trigger.

Underachievers Quit, Achievers Complete.

Now here is what you want, remember 6 studies/research of Performance and Behavior:

Achievers Profile

“An Indestructible Personality”:  Refuse to give up. Will not be denied or stopped no matter what.

More “At Bats”:  Talk to more people, make more calls. “Eat problems for breakfast” . “You miss 100% of the shots you don’t take.” – Wayne Gretzky 

Unshakeable Belief in your dream: Sturdy resilience and unrelenting courage. Chart their success.

Attitude Support:  Keep a positive mindset. Whenever you are above 85% of your thoughts being positive you have a CHANCE at success. Not before.

Mega-Achievers:  Are not Lone Wolves, they are relational.  You need to give to receive. Give from the heart.

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The Key to making a Great Decision Every Time

How do we know when to take that leap make an important decision: either “go” or “no go”?

For most of us it’s torture and then guilt and many false starts wasting time and vibrational, psychological and emotional energy.

Here’s a foolproof way to make sure you’re making the right decisions in the right way so that you take the right ones and avoid the wrong ones that won’t work anyway (because they scare you subconsciously, fear attracts failure).

First get down to what the worst case scenario of the decision is. Most of us don’t want to go there, we don’t want to worry about that or don’t want to focus there but the fear ends up running us. Be 100% honest with yourself most of us sugar coat with ourselves, “It will be fine” is not a powerful strategy.

Here’s an example from my life to apply this: I had to do a book signing yesterday and I was little nervous about it, as it was the first time I do this sort of thing. So I thought about the worst case scenario. In my case, the worst case scenario was “I won’t sell one book at all I was a complete  failure and I was never invited back to the store that invited me and worse than that, they would’ve maybe sent an email to head office or other stores to avoid me.” 

Now yes it that was very scary for me but I knew that I had to learn how to do this and this is a new channel for me (book signings at stores) and I I was prepared to fail miserably at it.. The mistake most people make at this point is not digging deep enough and really going to worst-case scenarios. For example if you’re about to launch a new product what’s the worst case scenario? Most marketing people tell you: “the worst case scenario is that we will sell 50% of what our target is.” We need to dig deeper.

  Here is my first book store signing sale!

That’s not really the worst case scenario, it’s too rosy. The absolute worst case scenario is: you spend months developing the product spending on its development, packaging, making sure the packaging is good and then you fill up your warehouses with the product, you promote it and not one item sells. That is the absolute worst thing that could happen.

That’s why they’re called worst-case scenario not medium-case scenario but most people are afraid to look at the absolute worst case because they think it looks like a failure. Failure is and not admitting what the worst case is possible.

Counter-intuitively perhaps, once you’re really really comfortable that is the absolute worst thing that could happen including impacts to your reputation, your cash flow and your ego then comes the fun part: What is the best case scenario?

So in my case the best case scenario was that I would hit it out of the park and sell over 20 books at my book signing and impress everybody, feel great make, make some money and impress the store and have them send a letter to head office or other store say how great I was.

Now obviously the reality is somewhere in between the two of those but most the time our minds won’t allow us to go to the worst case scenario. If you’re still okay with the worst case scenario happening in terms of your growth, in terms of the opportunity that it presents and you’re okay with that then you can definitely say: “Let’s do this thing and put all of your horsepower (intellectually psychologically) and your belief that it’s going to work and just do it with all your passion (#2 on the Emotional Scale). Once you confront the fear, you break through and can succeed.

Just to wrap things up in my personal example I didn’t end up selling the 20 books. But I didn’t also end up selling zero books either.
I sold somewhere in between those two numbers . But it went well, I was happy the way I was dealing with people and I had fun.

The store Customer Experience Manager was happy and we are discussing doing a book writing workshop. The result was better than my best case scenario actually in this case.

I would like to take this opportunity to thank Cheri Gibson from Indigo Books Milton. She was absolutely a superstar yesterday helping me feel great having a great first day signing and was incredibly supportive in and allowing me to to learn this and helped me shine. So I’m really appreciative of all of her support. If you’re in the Milton area, drop in and go say hi to Cheri. She’s probably one of the best customer Experience Manager’s I’ve ever met.

For all your great projects, go to the worst-case scenario, keep digging make sure it’s as bad as it can be. Then look at the best case scenario and then if you can handle the worst case scenario pull the trigger do it and never look back. Just do it, remember a good decision today beats a great decision next week all the time. You get the benefit of time and experience of doing it.

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In a Complex World: Leaders need a Broader Mindset

From the Globe and Mail January 13th, 2013,

by Harvey Schachter

Amazing article that outlines the big picture issues faced by management but also academia. Frank

“The two are partners in a leadership consulting firm, even though Ms. Lahl lives in Maui, Hawaii, and Dr. Egan is in California, where she is an associate professor of applied behavioural science and director of the master of science in organizational development program at Pepperdine University.

They observe that most people now find themselves living in a volatile, complex, uncertain and ambiguous world.

“The pace of the world has outstripped where we are as human beings,” Dr. Egan explained in an interview. “Any leadership development has to help people develop bigger minds that can match the world we’re in.”

This bigger mindset, the consultants say, includes not only the traditional analytical approach as well as the soft stuff – such as navigating workplace relationships. It involves tapping into five elements of ourselves, which they group under the acronym SPINE:

Spiritual: Developing a sense of meaning, purpose, and community at work.

Physical: Understanding how to manage well-being and energy, and using your body as signalling system.

Intellectual: This is the mind component, being comfortable with complexity and ambiguity, and thinking systemically.

Intuitive: Our ability to see patterns in unrelated data, which serves as a source of creativity and insight.

Emotion: We want to control emotions in the workplace, but we need to learn to value emotions as information – to be able to regulate emotions and be attuned to ourself and others.

The consultants have developed a short assessmentthat asks questions about whether you are comfortable with ambiguity, find that your emotions have an impact on your energy, and have the courage to act on your values.

“We see many leaders who are intellectually quite evolved but their emotional self is not fully evolved,” Ms. Lahl noted in an interview. To help this emotional self evolve, to develop your SPINE, they urge you to:

– Take the opportunity each day to look for inspiration and meaning in your work.

– Develop a map of your physical signalling system. Note what gives you energy and what depletes you. Pay attention to what your body is telling you about the decisions that you are making.

– Expand your problem-solving circle to include perspectives that are different from your own.

– Take time every day to develop your intuition by spending time in nature, with no focus and no agenda.

– Spend a week paying attention to what kind of impact your emotions have on your thinking and performance.

If you struggle with some areas of SPINE, neuroscience offers heartening advice. It is possible to change, to reprogram your behaviour – if you have the will and desire.

“It calls for the passion that allows us to go beyond our comfort zones,” Ms Lahl said.

Beyond the SPINE approach, they highlight three other capabilities that can help you handle complex situations.

The first is “dynamic attention,” which refers to deliberately breaking the multitasking habit. Create a distraction-free workplace, and in a trial week, set aside 20 minutes every day where your attention is focused on one item, noting what changes within you or in your productivity. Over the next two weeks, build up to an hour-long distraction-free zone. Research about awareness, they note, shows that we can only change ourselves if we create periods of dynamic attention.

The second is “strategic clarity.” This refers to our ability to step back and assess a situation, challenge our current understanding, seek additional information, incorporate new insights, and take action. This will involve understanding your past, because unprocessed memories can drive our choices. Ms. Lahl talks about the part of herself that gets antsy in meetings and starts daydreaming, and another part that wants everything to be neat and orderly, with all tasks checked off. “If my wise self is not in control of that, I can burn out,” she said.

The third capability is “authentic collaboration.” This means creating communities in the workplace so that you’re not alone in dealing with the complex, volatile world and are able to react in an agile way.

“The world is becoming increasingly complex and that won’t change soon,” Dr. Egan summed up. “We each have a choice and obligation to work with ourselves and others so we can have the impact we want.”

Special to The Globe and Mail”

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Tips to Avoid Flu Season

          As the fall advances one sure sign of winter is the arrival of the flu “bug” foisting misery on the many. As I covered extensively in my first book “Killing Yourself With Your Fork” (e-book is now $5! Via email), the healthy human body has very little chance to be “infected” no matter how virulent or extensive is the outbreak.

            Many well meaning health care providers have forgotten that “the terrain is everything, the pathogen is nothing.” As Louis Pasteur finally admitted on his death bed. Many experiments aiming to infect healthy bodies with all number of pathogens all failed to infect a healthy body. The healthy human body’s immune system is simply too powerful and destroys any invaders.

One of the primary reasons so many people get sick in the holiday season is lifestyle-related, we do it to ourselves. What do we do in the holidays? We over-eat, over drink, over stress, under exercise creating the terrain for all manner of infection by colds and flu. Here are some ideas to stay healthy through the critical next 6 weeks:

 

1)      Drink copious amounts of water with lemon in it (keeps you alkaline)

2)     Get good amounts of rest (being over-tired taxes the immune system)

3)     Relax and have fun NOT worrying about getting sick (worry and fear lower our vibration)

4)     Be regimented about exercising 3-6 times a week

5)     Get regular sunshine via walks

6)     Take 3000-5000 IU’s of vitamin D aka. the sunshine vitamin (gellules preferable) , keeps your mood upbeat

7)    Take a morning “green drink”, (I prefer Progressive Vege-Greens, no I don’t work for them!) available at all health food stores

8)     Ensure you get large amounts of “good” fats such as almonds, avocado, sunflower seeds

9)     Begin using a daily maxim affirming your heath, “I’m getting healthier and healthier every day!”

10)   Be appreciative of all you have and how good you have it in your life, you are abundant!

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November Rain (Tears)

Last Thursday may have been November 1st but for me it was like Christmas Day, My Birthday and a Promotion rolled into one. You see, last Thursday was the day that I picked up 525 copies of my baby book, “Live It!”. I had been more or less making sure before that day that all spare money would go to paying for the books (the life of a self-publisher i tell you…lol). As with all things meant to be, the Universe orchestrated everything absolutely perfectly bringing in exactly the funds I needed within a few dollars!

Back to that day. I woke up with a spring in my step as I sang to myself “This is the day I get/see/touch my books!”. I had even thought of cancelling all other appointments that day but decided that some time away from hyper focussing on “the event” would be good. As I left my last appointment to drive to the book warehouse (where I was told to park in the back and ask for Pat, how very mysterious!), it literally hit me like a ton of books: I would see the culmination of my thoughts, imagination and efforts in a physical product. As a coach and speaker, most of what I do is powerful but not tangible.

 As it hit me, tears began pouring down my face at the realization that my “baby book” would finally start being adopted by loving people. The emotion was so strong, a combination of releif, joy, anticipation and a little trepidation (will they like it?). As the men loaded in the 9 boxes of HEAVY books and warned me not to brake too suddenly, it dawned on me, I had done it! I had delivered this book to the world.

A book is tangible and for that it is very special. “Live It!” introduces and explains all my best tools and thinking (in easily understandable language with examples) along with all my hope and passion for others living their greatest lives. It meets you where you are NOW and gives you powerful processes to find your purpose and truth to live authentically and manifest all your greatest wants and desires.

I can sincerely tell you from my heart, this book delivers, it has juice and it will make a huge differnce in so many people’s lives. Last Thursday night after speaking to a crowd, I had the pleasure of autographing many books and loved it so much. A coach author had arrived.

I explained to someone this week, “Buying Live It! is the next best thing to hiring me as your coach!”  It will also make a tremendous Christmas gift.  Buy it here: http://www.quantumleapcoach.ca/books/live-it

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Appreciation: A Rampage of

The last few weeks have been quite wondrous for me and I am in appreciation of all that I am experiencing. I thought I’d share a few examples as appreciation is #1 on the Emotional Scale!

Peter Gabriel Music Concert:  Phenomenal sounds and visuals created an incredible soundscape of classics. This man is a musical genius.

Cirque Du Soleil Amaluna:  This was my first Cirque experience and I absolutely adored it. The ability of the performers is Olympic quality, the soundtrack uplifting and the coordination and flawless performance are a joy to behold. Worth every generous penny, sometimes premium is worth it.

Hy’s Steakhouse: My lovely partner took me to this steak house for my birthday last week, (September 24th). The food is devine, the décor classic upscale and the service is simply palatial. Being treated to a 5 star meal service is quite impressive. http://www.hyssteakhouse.com/

A Beautiful Wedding:  I was a groomsman at my best friend Chris Partridge married his love, Shannon McGregor at the Knollwood in Ancaster, Ontario. I’ve been to my fair share of weddings, this one was almost a spiritual event. The love of the family, friends and couple electrified the wedding. Beautiful and simple wedding ceremony and evening that focused on connections and love, wonderful memories and touching moments. From the M and M candies with their faces and dates, to walking Shannon’s dog down the aisle. Pictures taken by a photographer that cared, etc. Etc.

This is what you call a rampage of appreciation and it feels and sounds so good. I wish you to go on your own!

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Syncronicity

From the very knowledgeable Wikipedia (how did we live without it!?):

Synchronicity is the experience of two or more events that are apparently causally unrelated or unlikely to occur together by chance, yet are experienced as occurring together in a meaningful manner.

When we are vibrating at very high levels (#4 to #1 on the Emotional Scale:  #4, Positive Expectation or belief, faith, #3: Enthusiasm/Eagerness/Happiness, #2: Passion, #1: Appreciation/Empowerment/Freedom/Joy/Love) seemingly “magical” events, people and circumstances occur. Statistically highly improbable events keep happening.To those around us it seems absolutely outlandish. To those regularly at those emotional levels they begin to seem like “life as normal”. Here are a few examples:

1. I am helping a client launch a global women’s support and help group with a very particular name, a name you rarely hear. As I was working with another client I dug up a sheet from 4 years ago describing just that term. I am pretty confident I never saw that sheet in my binder in that long. I am thrilled, enthused and passionate about supporting this.

2.       At the Midnight in Paris (http://www.meetup.com/Midnight-in-Paris/) event two weekends ago, Paul was playing one of his 80’s personally composed songs on the piano beautifully (passion, freedom, joy). He could not hear the radio, but a few of us others could. His piano playing over those 5-8 minutes seemed to perfectly fit in with a random song on the radio, very freaky. We asked him after if he was matching the music playing and he looked at us blankly, “What music, this is my song!” When we told him he said at a cottage once he was playing music and the crickets began chirping in harmony. Mother nature knows a good thing when she hears it!

 3.       About a month ago I sent my beloved to get some popcorn, Nibs and Coke (I have junk cravings too!!!). She was chatting happily with people in line. As it came to her turn, she went to pay and the cashier said, “It’s been paid for, the people before you gave me $25 and said to pay for your stuff and to keep the change as a tip!” Pay it forward anyone?

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A Life of Courageous Authenticity!

We all want it, the media parades it to us but so many find it very difficult to achieve: What is it?

A Life  of Courageous Authenticity

We all wear masks of inauthenticity, identifying ourselves with other people. We don’t even know who we are, what we are doing and why we are doing it. We don’t know what we don’t know. From our childhood we’ve developed values and behaviours to feel accepted by others and to fit in. Our egos want to protect us from feelings of isolation.  These fearful masks disguise our true greatness, uniqueness and connection to our own humanity. Our Most Brilliant Selves are stifled beneath the façade.

 


 

Once we become courageously authentic, our whole life is unveiled by our ongoing transformation.

This book will launch you forward and guide you to embrace your ultimate truth:

 

  • Learn to create powerful new thoughts and behavior patterns while overwriting false self-limiting beliefs.
  • Enhance your vibration by adopting an abundance perspective
  • Learn to live your unique truth and love yourself deeply
  • Enjoy real life stories of authenticity and quotes to inspire you
  • Self-mentor with exercises that help clarify your values, create your life purpose and build your life’s vision

 

Once you understand, accept and then love your courageous authentic self, you will rise above your fears, and a new passionate and permanent quality of life is yours. This is is not a Practice Life!

 

Live It! Your Courageosuly Authentic Life” My latest book, allowing you to discover, harness and develop your unique superpower: your unique courageous authenticity! NOW AVAILABLE !

 

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