“How can I make myself more attractive to the opposite sex?”

“How can I make myself more attractive to the opposite sex?”

I get this one asked at my seminars and by my clients so often I thought I’d share it with you.

In one word, be authentic! We live in a world where people wear masks as they feel they are not “enough” or too “flawed” as they are and unlovable with their flaws. What they don’t realize (and now you do) is that our flaws make us human and give us a chance to connect.

When you are trying to be something/someone you are not you lose the essence of what makes you unique and desirable. Realize the masks you wear to “appear” better come from ego, fear and lack. The masks cover fear of rejection and loss, that vibration is very negative and not attractive. Being your real self, flaws, warts and all is very different than what others are doing and allows people to automatically either really like you or dislike you. The fact many dislike you’re true self is a good thing as they naturally go away, leaving those who really like you.

If someone really likes your authentic self, there really is no fear of losing them as they like who you really are from the start. Then powerful relationships can form. Trying to be everything to everyone (brainy, sexy, sporty, successful, artistic, etc.) doesn’t work in target marketing for cars or for people.

Being authentic allows your target market (opposite sex) to really see you as a unique proposition with multiple facets and quirks and become attracted. Being happy with yourself and who you are attracts others who are real as well (and ok being flawed). Being interesting and different is attractive, someone who has many passions and interests is incredibly attractive (passions and interests should be things that feed their soul, not TV and mass popular culture which is a negative vibration (fear and lack perspective).  

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Tips to Avoid Flu Season

          As the fall advances one sure sign of winter is the arrival of the flu “bug” foisting misery on the many. As I covered extensively in my first book “Killing Yourself With Your Fork” (e-book is now $5! Via email), the healthy human body has very little chance to be “infected” no matter how virulent or extensive is the outbreak.

            Many well meaning health care providers have forgotten that “the terrain is everything, the pathogen is nothing.” As Louis Pasteur finally admitted on his death bed. Many experiments aiming to infect healthy bodies with all number of pathogens all failed to infect a healthy body. The healthy human body’s immune system is simply too powerful and destroys any invaders.

One of the primary reasons so many people get sick in the holiday season is lifestyle-related, we do it to ourselves. What do we do in the holidays? We over-eat, over drink, over stress, under exercise creating the terrain for all manner of infection by colds and flu. Here are some ideas to stay healthy through the critical next 6 weeks:

 

1)      Drink copious amounts of water with lemon in it (keeps you alkaline)

2)     Get good amounts of rest (being over-tired taxes the immune system)

3)     Relax and have fun NOT worrying about getting sick (worry and fear lower our vibration)

4)     Be regimented about exercising 3-6 times a week

5)     Get regular sunshine via walks

6)     Take 3000-5000 IU’s of vitamin D aka. the sunshine vitamin (gellules preferable) , keeps your mood upbeat

7)    Take a morning “green drink”, (I prefer Progressive Vege-Greens, no I don’t work for them!) available at all health food stores

8)     Ensure you get large amounts of “good” fats such as almonds, avocado, sunflower seeds

9)     Begin using a daily maxim affirming your heath, “I’m getting healthier and healthier every day!”

10)   Be appreciative of all you have and how good you have it in your life, you are abundant!

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Secular Shift

As the end of the year approaches, many people have asked me if I think the apocalypse is coming in a little over one month. Let me be clear here, I don’t have a crystal ball, and I’m not even 100% sure how to spell Nostradamus. Additionally, the Mayan calendar is Greek to me. That said, I do have some ideas.
Firstly, the “end-of-the world” thinking comes from extreme paranoia which is amplified and concentrated fear (#22 on the emotional scale). This is not a perspective we should spend much time in if we want to live happily and attract great thoughts, people and events.

Secondly, remember that focusing our energies and thoughts on things we don’t control is the definition of suffering. Additionally it is an excuse to stop focusing what we DO control, our thoughts and actions. No one else’s.

Most spiritual people I’ve discussed this with agree that what is actually happening (and it’s a very GOOD thing unlike what the media peddles) is that there is a secular shift in our thinking and living. Many of the existing institutions that so many have lived their lives by are simply not working for them anymore. A consumption-focused, media-driven and capitalistic lifestyle tends to be ego driven, unsustainable and supports false (base) values. There is a very large transition towards thinking in terms of sustainable environments, growth and ways of living. A consciousness shift is happening and accelerating, and it’s great.

Lastly, if it will be the end of the world, let’s make this last month count and live it as if it’s not a practice life (the theme of my new book, “Live It!”). I watched the movie “Seeking a Friend for the End of the World” which shows what happens when most rules and accountability are removed (in this case due to the impending asteroid about to destroy earth).  The movie shows both extremes (it is Hollywood after all!).
Forget the end of the world, it’s just another excuse to NOT focus on what you really want , desire and manifest for yourself.

Child-Like Authenticity = Inspiring Moments

As some of you regular readers know I have a dog called Riplee (Believe it or Not!). This week we were returning from the park and we were in the elevator. A woman and her lovely daughter who was about 4 years old got in the elevator.

As the door closed the daughter took fascinated interest in Riplee the following conversation happens:

Little girl:  As she pointed obviously at the black wart-like protrusion on Riplee’s head, in the cutest voice, What’s that black bump on his head?”

Her mother looked uncomfortable for a second until she saw me smile and laugh out loud. I was glad she didn’t admonish as others might have for this very direct question.

Me: Thrilled at her authenticity and blatant disregard for what is politically correct, I replied, “That’s a wart!”

Little girl: Very curious now, “Does it hurt him?”

Me:  “No, he’s older and it doesn’t hurt at all like when people have birth marks!”

We have much to learn from children in terms of their in-the-moment 100% curiosity and authenticity. She hadn’t been “programmed” yet to worry so much about what other people think and it made her absolutely real and irresistible in the process.

People are attracted to our humanity, our quirks and unique EVEN weird or mildly offensive character traits (don’t we all have a few of those?). Despite all the cultural pressures to conform to some rules or norms (whatever that means), we are almost magnetically attracted to people who are themselves. As a matter of fact, I feel being our real, authentic selves (warts and all) is our own unique superpower, no one is like us.

If you would like to learn all about tuning into your authenticity superpower, it’s all detailed in my latest book, “Live It! Your Courageously Authentic Life”. 

This week I challenge you to take some risks and be authentic, be present and curious. Be a zebra among horses, your experience will be life-changing and you will have a blast! (Joy, #1 on the ES).

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Syncronicity

From the very knowledgeable Wikipedia (how did we live without it!?):

Synchronicity is the experience of two or more events that are apparently causally unrelated or unlikely to occur together by chance, yet are experienced as occurring together in a meaningful manner.

When we are vibrating at very high levels (#4 to #1 on the Emotional Scale:  #4, Positive Expectation or belief, faith, #3: Enthusiasm/Eagerness/Happiness, #2: Passion, #1: Appreciation/Empowerment/Freedom/Joy/Love) seemingly “magical” events, people and circumstances occur. Statistically highly improbable events keep happening.To those around us it seems absolutely outlandish. To those regularly at those emotional levels they begin to seem like “life as normal”. Here are a few examples:

1. I am helping a client launch a global women’s support and help group with a very particular name, a name you rarely hear. As I was working with another client I dug up a sheet from 4 years ago describing just that term. I am pretty confident I never saw that sheet in my binder in that long. I am thrilled, enthused and passionate about supporting this.

2.       At the Midnight in Paris (http://www.meetup.com/Midnight-in-Paris/) event two weekends ago, Paul was playing one of his 80’s personally composed songs on the piano beautifully (passion, freedom, joy). He could not hear the radio, but a few of us others could. His piano playing over those 5-8 minutes seemed to perfectly fit in with a random song on the radio, very freaky. We asked him after if he was matching the music playing and he looked at us blankly, “What music, this is my song!” When we told him he said at a cottage once he was playing music and the crickets began chirping in harmony. Mother nature knows a good thing when she hears it!

 3.       About a month ago I sent my beloved to get some popcorn, Nibs and Coke (I have junk cravings too!!!). She was chatting happily with people in line. As it came to her turn, she went to pay and the cashier said, “It’s been paid for, the people before you gave me $25 and said to pay for your stuff and to keep the change as a tip!” Pay it forward anyone?

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What You Should Always Take

I came across this section in my upcoming book, “Live It!” (avail. Oct.). The original title of the book was “Take It!” and this section aimed to clarify what we should take (what is ours not others’). Enjoy!

WHAT YOU SHOULD ALWAYS TAKE

1. All opportunities put in front of you that resonate with you (connect to your soul and heart) You always learn more from the opportunities you take (even and especially if you fail, remember, we learn more from failure) than by not taking a chance.  By not trying you miss all the learning that occurs when taking chances.  Fortune favors the courageous and brave.  Not making a choice IS A CHOICE, a choice devoid of any courage or learning.  NOT making a choice is always the worst option as others then make their own choices, benefitting themselves.  If you don’t make a choice you lose the insight and self-actualizing benefits of trusting yourself.  Taking charge and making choices leads to feeling in charge of your life.

2. Life as a great game of exploration and adventure!  Doesn’t that sound like a great way to see it, instead of a great series of problems, hurdles and disappointments?

3. You always need to get clear on WHAT you want and WHY you want it Once you know what you want, life becomes so much simpler as you can choose powerfully and quickly and not look back with guilt.  This is your #1 quest in life, “What do I want (for myself) and why?” Once this is clear, a multitude of “difficult” or even seemingly “impossible” situations can be dealt with from a place of empowerment and certainty. That’s an amazing way to live!

4. The present moment as a gift.  Another name for a Christmas or birthday present is “gift”.  That is what the present moment is; a once in a lifetime gift never to be experienced again.  All of our power of decision and choice must necessarily occur in the present moment (since we can’t time travel yet).

The word decision is derived from Latin and means, “To cut off all other options.Much of your daily practice should center around being present to all the beauty of nature and the wonderful people around you.  Get out of your head and into your heart!  Any time we worry or are apprehensive (Fear), we are DEFINITELY NOT PRESENT!  In the present moment is where all action can occur.  Most people spend much too little time in the present moment.  We go back to the past and feel guilt or anger, or we think of the future, which is good if we see it as positive.  Many people simply dream of a better future.  A dream without a plan and action is simply a fantasy.

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The Crying Games (Olympics Edition)

                       I’m not going to lie, I’m an Olympics junkie, there, I said it. From when I was a child and the Olympics came to Montreal in 1976 I have had a fascination with the level of competition, camaraderie, come-from-behind human stories and pageantry that is the Olympics.

                      At my high school the Olympiads were a great time for me even thought I wasn’t the fastest or strongest but always gave my all. I used to dig long jump pits in the back yard and dream of beating Bob Beamon’s incredible 29 foot record.

                      So this week as I was feverishly putting the final touches on “Live-It” I was watching all the events with moderate to high interest. Truth be told, the Track and Field events are by far my favorite (they begin Saturday Aug. 4th). Still, I was hooked.

                       Particularly on Wednesday night when the men’s 2000 meter 8’s rowing was on, Canada was in 4th place for the first ¾ of the race. Then at the 1500 meter mark, they hit the turbo boosters and moved up to finish in 2nd place for the Silver medal.

                       I was literally crying of joy as the emotion of the team and the power of their teamwork and resolve pushed them to the podium finish. I was imagining what it would be like to train day in and day out in the heat, cold and dampness day after day, week after week, month after month and year after year and then be in “the race”. The race against all the best in the world, knowing I was also one of the best in the world. Wow! Exhilaration, pride, joy, appreciation, freedom and empowerment would course through my veins. All these emotions are the best we can ever feel (All #1 on the Emotional Scale).

                      Then my STUMPS showed up, he pointed out the irony of my sitting on my couch alone crying at the performance of a bunch of strangers I don’t even know. I told him to be quiet and enjoyed that release that comes from bawling your eyes out from joy. You should try it, all you have to worry about is having a box of tissues and your ego-based pride judging you. I say go for it, get into that incredible vibration of pure emotions. Once every 4 years this happens, there is still 1 week, don’t miss it! Who knows you may enjoy the crying games!

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How to Get Market/Date Ready

Reader Question

This week, I thought I’d share a question I answered for one of our readers.

QUESTION: “I’m still upset/heartbroken over my past relationship(s). How (and when?) do I get “market-ready” to date?” JC

Frank: The simple answer JC, you’re ready when you are ready! What’s the rush anyway? That being said, everyone is different. You are ready when the idea of going out with someone new is very appealing. Too many people the fear being alone and then start dating coming from a lacking place. Anything coming from fear/lack is not a good perspective and will attract other fearful/lacking people.

When you’ve done some inner work towards getting to know and love yourself you will be ready. Many people don’t love (or even like) themselves and look to a relationship to fill up what they are missing. Two low self-esteem people do not a good couple make! Inadequate + inadequate = More inadequate! And they trigger each other’s unresolved “baggage” together making a mess.

When you become single after a relationship (never mind a heartbreaker!) you need time to get to know what the new (and improved), latest version of you likes and wants. Many people right out of a relationship feel rejected, dejected, unworthy (unworthiness is #21 on the ES). They feel less than complete and feel lost. A good way to soften is to look for all the gifts the relationship gave you, who YOU became because of it. You are VERY aware of what didn’t work, flip that around to what you do want. So, if you felt your last partner was “controlling”, you could say, “I’m looking for someone who values freedom (#1 on the ES) as I do.”

A certain amount of grieving must occur to process the emotions. Be gentle and enjoy exploring your “new” very different life. Reconnect to old and make new friends and hobbies/passions. Don’t look immediately for a partner as then the dreaded “rebound” relationships occur. Do the right thing and take some time to be curious about all that is possible. Most people look at what they lost instead of what they gained from their separation. When coming from lack you attract others in lack.

Good luck and please let us know how it goes!  

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Summer 2012: Your Best Ever!

As I was preparing my men’s circle last week I created a few questions to get the men pumped up about their summer of 2012. Well, we are 2 days in with 88 days to go and what will you do to make this a summer to end all summers?

            When I coach, I often use little “tricks” (techniques) to shift the perspective of my clients, which allows them to come up with new, fresher and more empowering viewpoints on their existing challenges. One of those is the future or past time warp where I have them see their situation from the future as if it has already happened.

Here is the question I had them share with the group, I urge you to try it yourself!

“It is September 1st, 2012 and the summer of 2012 turned out to be my best summer ever! I really grabbed my life and did _________________ and  _____________________ and ________________ and __________________ . I also visited ________________ and _________________ .

I had 2 major challenges this summer, _______________________ and ____________________ . I overcame these challenges by _______________________.

I’m really proud of myself.”

 

Hopefully that really brought you some clarity and inspiration in terms of what you want for yourself this summer. All I will add is have fun, the summer solstice is but a brief visitor! Have a great summer.

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Cutting the Cord & Less IS More

     Last weekend was a new experience for me as I rode my motorcycle on roads that tore the Northern Alleghany Forest in Pennsylvania mountains to ribbons in the company of my equally motorcycle-crazy cousin. Little to no traffic (the area is 3 hours from any major cities and has little to offer the cottaging crowd) made this a mecca for motorized 2-wheel exploration. The people we met were all exceedingly friendly and helpful, very nice. The 3 days communing with nature on my trusted mechanical steed opened a whole new world for me that I want to explore more, MUCH more(Passion, #2 on the Emotional Scale).
I turned my mobile phone off Friday and opened it late Sunday, and my world didn’t crumble! LOL! Being away from my regular life circumstances, people and activities was an alluring and intoxicating elixir allowing me to see what is important more clearly. I made a commitment to my self to do it more often and differently each time. This world is a big

What is your getaway from the everyday (sounds like an ad :)) that allows you to gain perspective in your life? Cut the cord, less is more!

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