“How can I make myself more attractive to the opposite sex?”

“How can I make myself more attractive to the opposite sex?”

I get this one asked at my seminars and by my clients so often I thought I’d share it with you.

In one word, be authentic! We live in a world where people wear masks as they feel they are not “enough” or too “flawed” as they are and unlovable with their flaws. What they don’t realize (and now you do) is that our flaws make us human and give us a chance to connect.

When you are trying to be something/someone you are not you lose the essence of what makes you unique and desirable. Realize the masks you wear to “appear” better come from ego, fear and lack. The masks cover fear of rejection and loss, that vibration is very negative and not attractive. Being your real self, flaws, warts and all is very different than what others are doing and allows people to automatically either really like you or dislike you. The fact many dislike you’re true self is a good thing as they naturally go away, leaving those who really like you.

If someone really likes your authentic self, there really is no fear of losing them as they like who you really are from the start. Then powerful relationships can form. Trying to be everything to everyone (brainy, sexy, sporty, successful, artistic, etc.) doesn’t work in target marketing for cars or for people.

Being authentic allows your target market (opposite sex) to really see you as a unique proposition with multiple facets and quirks and become attracted. Being happy with yourself and who you are attracts others who are real as well (and ok being flawed). Being interesting and different is attractive, someone who has many passions and interests is incredibly attractive (passions and interests should be things that feed their soul, not TV and mass popular culture which is a negative vibration (fear and lack perspective).  

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Question: “Why are/can relationships be so hard!?” Janice C.

 

Answer:  Firstly, thanks for the question Janice. The Universe can never buck your trend or vibration, so if you think they are hard, then the Universe will match that and give you “hard” relationships.

They are hard when we are unclear who we are, what we want and have limited courage and/or low standards for what we deserve. If we come from fear/insecurity (lack) we will attract that.

They can be hard when we are inauthentic (trying to be what we are not) and trying to please or impress another with our actions. The most important relationship is with ourselves and many people don’t have a good one there. Self criticism and low self esteem should be your number one enemies and they can be dealt with by beginning to monitor and notice your thoughts and language. Just saying, “Relationships are hard.”  Is a very scarcity-based perspective. Your subconscious says, “If they are hard, why would we even want one? We don’t” 

Without really liking yourself you go out meeting people that subconsciously feel like they “complete” you. If you don’t really like yourself and feel incomplete without a partner you attract another “incomplete” partner. Two “incompletes” don’t make a “complete”, they make both more incomplete as both partners are trying to “get” something they need internally (self love) from outside themselves. All this does is augment a chain of pain.

A person with strong personal preferences, clear standards of conduct, a strong sense of self that is being authentic manifests relationships easily and naturally as they are abundant. Relationships can be anything YOU create and want them to be, exciting, fun, etc.

This mindset lets us realize that we can never stand on our head in enough ways to ever please another person. Even if we do, we will lose their respect or attract abuse (victim-victimizer complex).
When we are clear about who we are and what we want, we naturally know what we need and gravitate to relationships and people we can get our needs met with. When this happens with both partners asking and getting their needs met, it is incredible how joyful, natural and passionate relationships become.

So look inside first, fill that up then watch your external (with another) relationships flourish. Otherwise it’s like trying to fill a bucket with a hole in it, no one can ever give you enough love to replace the love you don’t have for yourself.

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Secular Shift

As the end of the year approaches, many people have asked me if I think the apocalypse is coming in a little over one month. Let me be clear here, I don’t have a crystal ball, and I’m not even 100% sure how to spell Nostradamus. Additionally, the Mayan calendar is Greek to me. That said, I do have some ideas.
Firstly, the “end-of-the world” thinking comes from extreme paranoia which is amplified and concentrated fear (#22 on the emotional scale). This is not a perspective we should spend much time in if we want to live happily and attract great thoughts, people and events.

Secondly, remember that focusing our energies and thoughts on things we don’t control is the definition of suffering. Additionally it is an excuse to stop focusing what we DO control, our thoughts and actions. No one else’s.

Most spiritual people I’ve discussed this with agree that what is actually happening (and it’s a very GOOD thing unlike what the media peddles) is that there is a secular shift in our thinking and living. Many of the existing institutions that so many have lived their lives by are simply not working for them anymore. A consumption-focused, media-driven and capitalistic lifestyle tends to be ego driven, unsustainable and supports false (base) values. There is a very large transition towards thinking in terms of sustainable environments, growth and ways of living. A consciousness shift is happening and accelerating, and it’s great.

Lastly, if it will be the end of the world, let’s make this last month count and live it as if it’s not a practice life (the theme of my new book, “Live It!”). I watched the movie “Seeking a Friend for the End of the World” which shows what happens when most rules and accountability are removed (in this case due to the impending asteroid about to destroy earth).  The movie shows both extremes (it is Hollywood after all!).
Forget the end of the world, it’s just another excuse to NOT focus on what you really want , desire and manifest for yourself.

“Why Wait Until They Die?”

Happy Halloween to everyone! May that be the only day a year you wear a mask of inauthenticity!

As I was at the gym this week I saw a funeral on television. As the procession advanced, the commentators were piling on the positive achievements and community impact of the gentleman in question.

It occurred to me that many people save all the great things they should tell others for after the person’s death. Now I know this may seem a little extreme, but really, is it?

Other than graduations, weddings and major career promotions, when do we tell the important people around us how much they mean to us? How often do we allow are ego (fear) stop us from telling our loved ones, friends and business partners how important they are in our lives and how amazing they are. I’ve been on this wavelength lately,

I’ve become quite complimentary and upbeat with EVERYONE I meet. From the gentleman and ladies who dutifully clean the lobby every morning as I go for a run. To anyone at any store I go to, anyone in the elevator, people are everywhere and I make it my duty to leave them somehow more joyful and appreciated. Don’t think for a second I am only doing it for them as I get just as much or more out of it than they do.

It’s astonishing (and so sad) how few people actually do walk through life in pure joy and appreciation (children and pets excluded as they know how and chose to feel good all the time).

These vibrations (joy/love/empowerment/freedom/appreciation) are #1 at the top of the emotional scale.

By feeling that good (not waiting for “good” things to happen to you before you are joyful) all the time you attract people, experiences and events that feel that good, this creates a “virtuous” circle. That is all you need to remember to tap into the most senior of all physical laws: the Law of Attraction. The same way the Law of Lift Supercedes the Law of Gravity (otherwise birds and planes wouldn’t fly!), whether you believe in the LoA or not doesn’t change that it works. The same way you don’t need to believe in gravity for it to work.

I dare you this week to shine a ray of sunshine and joy on everyone you meet, you will make their day. You may also make your own!

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“It’s Off My Radar Screen”

If we liken our lives and events in our lives as all occurring on a large 100 meter (300 feet) radius. Our visibility at any time is like a fog-induced 10 foot radius around us.

This is important as we all know hindsight is 20/20. How many times do you look back at events in your life and see that something/someone completely unseen and unplanned came into your life (on your radar) and created a chain event that transformed your life path completely.

The event was “off your radar” but found its way to you because of the vibration you were putting out to the universe. Thoughts are vibrational energy and bring people and events into your radar from “off your radar”. These are far from “random” events, you attracted them with your thoughts. Remember, we become and experience what we think of most of the time.

How to use this:  Most people spend their lives worrying about what is in the 10 feet around them, (on their radar). They see career/work problems, relationship issues, health concerns, etcetera, etcetera. This attracts more issues, people and circumstances that match worry/fear.  A better approach would be to say and believe, “Right now I can’t see how X will be resolved, it’s off my radar, but I know a solution will come!”

This is powerful because a) it makes you feel better,  which attracts what you want, b) it allows you to believe the world is benevolent (not fearful) and will bring you the best, so you are happier which brings more great things.

I urge you to begin admitting you HAVE NO/ZERO idea what’s coming, it’s off your radar.

Here’s an example from my life. Two weeks ago a very important person to create my success was very much unknown to me, off my radar. I went out on a Saturday night on a feeling I had to go out even though I was comfy on the couch with my love. We met an amazing couple we are having lunch with this weekend. The gentleman was a powerful business person from Dubai franchising businesses here in North America. He referred me to someone who really “gets” what I am all about and has a burning desire to help me succeed. Not only that he is an amazing person that I really like. I’ll tell you more about him soon.

You and I are not that smart that we know what is coming, even if you can’t see how something will work out, keep the faith (#4 on the ES), a solution is on your radar screen of you are feeling good. Your only job: feel good all the time.

Additionally, if you are looking for an opportunity that allows you to learn and share great information like this, we should talk, I am surrounded by some amazingly helpful people.

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Syncronicity

From the very knowledgeable Wikipedia (how did we live without it!?):

Synchronicity is the experience of two or more events that are apparently causally unrelated or unlikely to occur together by chance, yet are experienced as occurring together in a meaningful manner.

When we are vibrating at very high levels (#4 to #1 on the Emotional Scale:  #4, Positive Expectation or belief, faith, #3: Enthusiasm/Eagerness/Happiness, #2: Passion, #1: Appreciation/Empowerment/Freedom/Joy/Love) seemingly “magical” events, people and circumstances occur. Statistically highly improbable events keep happening.To those around us it seems absolutely outlandish. To those regularly at those emotional levels they begin to seem like “life as normal”. Here are a few examples:

1. I am helping a client launch a global women’s support and help group with a very particular name, a name you rarely hear. As I was working with another client I dug up a sheet from 4 years ago describing just that term. I am pretty confident I never saw that sheet in my binder in that long. I am thrilled, enthused and passionate about supporting this.

2.       At the Midnight in Paris (http://www.meetup.com/Midnight-in-Paris/) event two weekends ago, Paul was playing one of his 80’s personally composed songs on the piano beautifully (passion, freedom, joy). He could not hear the radio, but a few of us others could. His piano playing over those 5-8 minutes seemed to perfectly fit in with a random song on the radio, very freaky. We asked him after if he was matching the music playing and he looked at us blankly, “What music, this is my song!” When we told him he said at a cottage once he was playing music and the crickets began chirping in harmony. Mother nature knows a good thing when she hears it!

 3.       About a month ago I sent my beloved to get some popcorn, Nibs and Coke (I have junk cravings too!!!). She was chatting happily with people in line. As it came to her turn, she went to pay and the cashier said, “It’s been paid for, the people before you gave me $25 and said to pay for your stuff and to keep the change as a tip!” Pay it forward anyone?

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A Life of Courageous Authenticity!

We all want it, the media parades it to us but so many find it very difficult to achieve: What is it?

A Life  of Courageous Authenticity

We all wear masks of inauthenticity, identifying ourselves with other people. We don’t even know who we are, what we are doing and why we are doing it. We don’t know what we don’t know. From our childhood we’ve developed values and behaviours to feel accepted by others and to fit in. Our egos want to protect us from feelings of isolation.  These fearful masks disguise our true greatness, uniqueness and connection to our own humanity. Our Most Brilliant Selves are stifled beneath the façade.

 


 

Once we become courageously authentic, our whole life is unveiled by our ongoing transformation.

This book will launch you forward and guide you to embrace your ultimate truth:

 

  • Learn to create powerful new thoughts and behavior patterns while overwriting false self-limiting beliefs.
  • Enhance your vibration by adopting an abundance perspective
  • Learn to live your unique truth and love yourself deeply
  • Enjoy real life stories of authenticity and quotes to inspire you
  • Self-mentor with exercises that help clarify your values, create your life purpose and build your life’s vision

 

Once you understand, accept and then love your courageous authentic self, you will rise above your fears, and a new passionate and permanent quality of life is yours. This is is not a Practice Life!

 

Live It! Your Courageosuly Authentic Life” My latest book, allowing you to discover, harness and develop your unique superpower: your unique courageous authenticity! NOW AVAILABLE !

 

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A Cottage Frame of Mind

        Last week I had the pleasure and privilege of renting a cottage in the Haliburton area.  The weather was rainy. Regardless, it was still wonderful as only a place far from the hustle and bustle of city and regular life can create. As with most vacations it took a day or so there to get used to the new place and change in routines on all fronts. Isn’t that why we go away on vacation? To change the routine, see new things, people and experience life through a different lens.

             Some insights from the cottage came to me today and I thought I would share them with you.

 Mother Nature: Without the distraction and sound and visual pollution of the city, amazing sights and sounds are right there and spectacular. My first night there was amazing as the power of a thunder and lightning storm created a Halloween sound and visual landscape. One lightning strike was so close and powerful that my trusted Riplee dog launched onto the bed with me! The pitter patter of rain on the leaves and roof is something to behold.

 The stars at night are absolutely breath-taking and very visible.

The air is completely different (nights cooler) leading to sounder and deeper sleep.

Food:  Eating becomes one of the central themes of the day as one removes most/all regular tasks and responsibilities. Preparing and sharing a meal with your family is a great chance to connect.

No Cable TV:  As much as I’m a minimalist in terms of what I consume on television, once at the cottage, the only indication of civilization was the background radio station playing classic 70’s-80’s music harkening back to those glorious musical generations. Watching an older DVD of “The Great Escape” for the first time on a 13 inch TV has its own quaint appeal. The lack of cable TV also opens up the time for board and card games with much merriment. I was fortunate to have internet so I could still stay in touch with the Olympics (my little obsession) and a couple of coaching calls. I have always dreamed of coaching from a cottage, that dream happened this week and was amazingly motivating for me to get my own cottage-type place soon.

Miscellaneous:  One other interesting tidbit was that I had brought my laptop in the hope of doing some writing on my newest “Motorcycle Chronicles” (working title) book. Although I did ride into Algonquin Park, I DIDN’T feel like writing at all! At first I was worried I’d lost my writing touch. Then I realized (and reframed the experience) that this was what was meant to be and I enjoyed the writing break. Maybe my current writing location (dining room) environment is part of my “being a writer”.

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How to Get Market/Date Ready

Reader Question

This week, I thought I’d share a question I answered for one of our readers.

QUESTION: “I’m still upset/heartbroken over my past relationship(s). How (and when?) do I get “market-ready” to date?” JC

Frank: The simple answer JC, you’re ready when you are ready! What’s the rush anyway? That being said, everyone is different. You are ready when the idea of going out with someone new is very appealing. Too many people the fear being alone and then start dating coming from a lacking place. Anything coming from fear/lack is not a good perspective and will attract other fearful/lacking people.

When you’ve done some inner work towards getting to know and love yourself you will be ready. Many people don’t love (or even like) themselves and look to a relationship to fill up what they are missing. Two low self-esteem people do not a good couple make! Inadequate + inadequate = More inadequate! And they trigger each other’s unresolved “baggage” together making a mess.

When you become single after a relationship (never mind a heartbreaker!) you need time to get to know what the new (and improved), latest version of you likes and wants. Many people right out of a relationship feel rejected, dejected, unworthy (unworthiness is #21 on the ES). They feel less than complete and feel lost. A good way to soften is to look for all the gifts the relationship gave you, who YOU became because of it. You are VERY aware of what didn’t work, flip that around to what you do want. So, if you felt your last partner was “controlling”, you could say, “I’m looking for someone who values freedom (#1 on the ES) as I do.”

A certain amount of grieving must occur to process the emotions. Be gentle and enjoy exploring your “new” very different life. Reconnect to old and make new friends and hobbies/passions. Don’t look immediately for a partner as then the dreaded “rebound” relationships occur. Do the right thing and take some time to be curious about all that is possible. Most people look at what they lost instead of what they gained from their separation. When coming from lack you attract others in lack.

Good luck and please let us know how it goes!  

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Get Some Bugs in Your Teeth!

       As I drove my amazing and beautiful dog (Riplee) to the groomer yesterday, he did what he always does on any and ALL car rides. He gets all excited and sits next to the rear door window and puts his head out of the car as we zoom around city and highway. If you’ve seen the movie “Ted” my conversation with him below will seem similar…lol!

I had an imaginary conversation with him and thought it might give you some insight! Enjoy!

Frank: “Riplee why do you put your head outside the car while it’s moving?”

Riplee: “Woof!”then, “I love it because it feels like I’m flying! Also, I get to see the world zoom by! It’s really exhilarating and makes me feel alive and like when I was a pup!”

Frank: “But, isn’t it dangerous?”

Riplee: “Not really, I have good balance and only my head and neck are out. Besides even if it is the thrill is worth it! I’m also so excited because I know we are going somewhere and no matter where that is I will have a blast as people fawn all over me because I’m really cute!”

Frank:  “What about the wind, doesn’t dry your eyes?”

Riplee: “Yes, that’s why I pop into the car then put my head out of the sunroof to change things up!”

Frank:  “What about bugs hitting you?”

Riplee: “Couldn’t care less, it’s soooo fun to ride! People always point and smile at how much fun I’m having! I especially love the squealing little boys and girls, they don’t hold back and show their full appreciation!”

Frank:  “Wow, that sounds so fun, here, you drive, I want to try it too!!!!”

Riplee: “No way, sucker, YOU’RE MY DRIVER!”

Life is short, get some (metaphorical) bugs in your teeth this week, I double-dare you!

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